


Starved

by uncp2021



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Violence, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, Original Character Death(s), Past Childhood Abuse, Past Childhood Neglect, Pining, Sexual Tension, Sexual Violence, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Slow Burn, will add more as I think of them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:21:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 71,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29625576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncp2021/pseuds/uncp2021
Summary: Isa had longed for the day where she would be able to join the Scouts. She sees it as her path to freedom. Little does she know what awaits her. Friendships. Death. Love. Heartache. Freedom. Pain. Happiness. Torment. Everything that comes with being a scout.Excerpt:Isa was speechless. The man wasn’t the most affectionate of people, so this was a rare act from him. But she wasn’t about to comment, not wanting to ruin the moment. The rest of the story could wait, and she relished in the warmth of his arm around her. Resting her head against his shoulder, she could hear the faint beat of his heart, and his scent, that comforting smell of tea and simply Levi, surrounded her. She always felt safe around Levi, as if nothing could hurt her when she was around him, and sitting here like this with him, she’d never felt safer.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Isa Tudor, Levi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	1. Year 841 - Training

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! :)
> 
> If you're reading this, then that means you clicked on the link to my little fic, and for that, I give you many thanks. This is my first time writing, so bear with me. It's going to take a few chapters before Levi comes in, but I promise he will make his presence as soon as possible. It won't be too dreadfully long, but I just want to build up Isa's character a little first, so I can get a feel for her and her friends before I bring in too many other characters. I want to carry this story all the way from the No Regrets era through Season 4, so it's going to be a long ride, and I'm going to do my best to make it worthwhile...but this also depends on what happens in S4 since I haven't read the manga and barring a couple of spoilers (sadness) I have no idea what's to come.
> 
> In terms of ages, I just want to go ahead and clarify this now. I try to explain this throughout, but just in case I don't do a good job:
> 
> \- At the start of training, Isa is going to be 16, making her 19 at the end of training. Reasons for why she starts so late will be later explained in the story.
> 
> \- When Levi makes his appearance, he's going to be around 24. I had trouble finding a set in stone answer for his age, so I'm going with he's 34 in season 4, which is the year 854, hence 24 in 844. And we're just going to roll with that. :)
> 
> \- With Hange, I'm going to have her aged at 14 at the start of training, and then 17 at the end of training, just so that way Isa has a friend relatively close her age. I couldn't go too in depth with research into her age (or Levi's if we're being honest), just because I haven't read the manga, and research is hard when you're trying to avoid spoilers.
> 
> That being said, if you feel like commenting, please do. This is my first time writing so any constructive feedback is helpful or even just what you liked/didn't like about the chapter. Even predictions on what you think of what's to come would be cool to read. I have some plans for how I want certain things to go and when I want certain things to happen.
> 
> Okay wow, enough rambling. On to the story. :)

She was the first to arrive on the training grounds, when the sun had barely broken the horizon. The morning breeze sent goosebumps across her skin and ruffled through the loose tendrils of brown hair that had fallen out of her braid during her run. Today was her first day as a cadet in training for Humanity’s Military.

Her stomach fluttered as she thought of what was to come. Training meant to break the cadets, as they’re molded into soldiers fit to be a part of one of the three regiments. People have died during training. Others have succumbed to the pressure and left. Some were kicked out when they couldn’t keep up.

When the thoughts of what was to come threatened to overwhelm her, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, basking in the rays of the rising sun, and the fluttering stilled. During the calmness of the morning, with no one else around, she allowed herself to enjoy the earthy scents around her, allowing it to fill her so that she felt nothing else but quiet contentment at finally starting the journey towards being free.

The voices in the distance from her fellow cadets grew louder, and the peaceful moment was broken.

Arms now crossed, she leaned against the fence and avoided eye contact with the cadets as they trickled onto the field. The longing that ached in her as she subtly observed the different groups of friends was quickly shoved away.

_Remember why you’re here. You’re not here to make friends. There’s no use in wishing that you could make friends. It’s not going to happen. No one is going to want to be friends with you._

Shortly after, the head instructor arrived and promptly had them line up in rows with threats of fifty laps if they were not organized in ten seconds. Standing at attention, she stared blankly ahead as he walked up and down the rows, towering over the cadets, demanding to know why they were here.

Some cadets he skipped, and those he did stop at trembled at his presence. She noted that he walked past her, and as he moved on to another cadet, she overheard one of the trainers say, “ _the point of all this is to break them down, so that we can mold them into soldiers. The ones he skips have already seen too much.”_

Once the trainer made his way through all the rows, striking the fear of whatever deity exists into the cadets he confronted, he took his place at the front.

His cold eyes surveyed the cadets in front him. His voice reverberated across the training grounds as he said, “Your training begins now. Your training will focus on endurance, hand-to-hand combat, wilderness and basic survival skills, and omni-dimensional mobility gear training. Only the top ten are able to join the Military Police. I expect that a fourth of you will have either dropped out or been kicked out by the end of your three years here. The majority of that fourth will be gone in the first week. The first task of the day will be testing your capability of using ODM. If you fail this test, you will be dismissed. You will get two tries, a practice one today, and the official one tomorrow. If you are not able to balance tomorrow, you will be dismissed.”

The group followed the trainer to a set of rather intimidating looking contraptions. Three poles angled to meet in the center had cords and wires hanging down in the center. As they approached the other assistant trainers began handing out belts to each cadet. They were called up one by one, connected to the cords, and then hoisted up by a lever. Few succeeded on their first try. Others flopped forward smacking into the ground within seconds. The majority teetered back and forth as they struggled to find balance but managed to keep from flipping.

Finally, it was her turn. Hands shaking at the thought of potentially wiping out in front of everyone, she wiped her palms off on her pants and approached the trainer. He clipped the hooks to the buckles on each side of her hip and nodded to the man at the lever. As the cords tightened, her feet left the ground. She was filled with a sense of lightness, as if she were weightless. Finding her balance was surprisingly easy, so she sat back a little, enjoying the feeling. It was over too soon as she was lowered back into the ground.

Once all the cadets had taken their turn, the trainer had them break off into groups and began running them through drills. First it was thirty laps. If you did not finish in two hours, you had to run an additional five laps for every five minutes you went over. She had to run an extra twenty laps that first day. Following the run were more exercises designed to break the weak of will, the faint of heart.

Hours later and the sun high in the sky, the trainer finally dismissed them for lunch. Her hands rested on her knees as her breath wheezed. Muscles twinging with each move, she made her way to the mess hall. Tuning out the chatter from the other cadets, she guzzled water, relishing as the cool liquid calmed the fire in her throat.

As she sat at one of the tables in the mess hall eating her lunch, she thought about trying to talk to one of the cadets sitting near her. _Don’t be ridiculous, they don’t want to talk to you. Besides, it’s not like you can contribute to the conversation._ She cringed at the harsh voice.

After lunch it was time for combat training where they went over basics such as different punches, kicks, blocks. The trainer then split everyone off into pairs. She was paired with a brown-haired girl whose brown eyes appeared larger behind a pair of glasses. Squaring off, the girl towered over her, but then most people did. Earlier she’d noted that she was the shortest cadet in training.

She struggled to evade the series of punches glasses girl threw out. She couldn’t find an opening to throw her own punch, so she spent the majority of the time dodging and ducking until she landed on her back with a hard “oof,” as her breath was knocked out of her.

Frustrated, she quickly jumped up and dusted herself off. Over the next few rounds, she became well acquainted with the ground. She squared off again, face set, eyes focused. Biding her time, she waited for her opponent to make the first move. This time as her opponent threw the first punch, she ducked underneath. Turning in a burst of speed, she grabbed her opponent’s ponytail, yanking her head forward. Taking advantage of her opponent’s forward momentum, she kicked her opponent’s feet back, knocking her face down. Wrenching the girl’s arm behind her back, she had finally succeeded in her first pin.

“Wow, that was awesome” glasses girl said.

Focusing on the task at hand, she ignored the girl and squared off again. She rolled her eyes as the brunette bounced back and forth on her feet.

As she threw punches, the brunette blocked them once again with ease. This time she kept her punches high to draw her opponent’s attention up, and then kicked out, sweeping her opponent’s legs, and knocking her down.

“O-hoo, you got me good,” the brunette giggled as she got back to her feet. “You won’t get me again.”

Fortunately, training was over for the day, and the cadets were dismissed for dinner. The knowledge that sustenance was near motivated each agonizing step.

“Heyy, wait up” she heard. She kept walking, assuming the person was not talking to her. _Why would someone want to talk to you?_

“Hey, I’m talking to you, wait for me.” Pausing, she slowly turned. Running up behind her was the brunette she’d been sparring. Her eyes widened as she said, “me?”

“Yea you, who else would I be talking to?’”

“...Oh.” she said and kept walking. Her heart rate spiked at the thought of making conversation. She honestly hadn’t expected anyone to approach her, much less try to talk to her. She’d never really managed to grasp the whole concept of “friend making,” or more so, hadn’t had the opportunity to try making friends. The times she’d been around other girls her age, she’d always struggled with knowing if someone even wanted to be friends.

The other girl was practically skipping as the two girls made their way to the mess hall, “I just wanted to say you did a great job out there. It looked like you were struggling at first, but you did awesome at the end.”

“Umm, thanks?” _How she has any energy after this first day, I have no idea._

Grinning the girl introduced herself, “I’m Hange Zoe, what’s your name?”

“Isa Tudor,” she couldn’t help but give a small smile back. Her energy was contagious.

Making their way into the mess hall, Hange kept up her chatter. “What did you think of the trainer? His eyes are kinda scary. I got chills when he got to me and wanted to know why I was here. I told him that I wanted to learn more about Titans. There’s so much we don’t know about titans, which really puts us at a disadvantage. If we could maybe learn another weakness, or maybe find some that can communicate, maybe then we’d be able to find out why they’re here and why they do what they do…”

As the girls sat and ate, Isa was surprised at how nice it felt to have someone to…talk…to. Not that you could get many words in with this girl. She could actually see herself being friends with her. If Hange even wanted to be friends.

_Maybe she just wanted someone to talk to while she ate. Who am I kidding, why would she want to be friends with me?_

Regardless, she hadn’t expected how easy it would be to make conversation. Maybe it was just Hange’s gregarious personality that made it easy to talk.

“So Isa, where are you from?” Hange’s question snapped Isa out of her thoughts.

“I’m from Mitras.” It wasn’t a complete lie, she’d lived in Mitras since she was seven. Where she lived before that and how she ended up in Mitras was irrelevant right now.

Hange’s eyes widened behind her goggles. “Mitras, really? And you decided to join the military? That’s not something you see every day?”

“Yea, I honestly hated it there, and I wanted to do something useful with my life.” Again, not a complete lie, but she didn’t feel comfortable sharing all her wishes and desires with someone she just met, even if she—surprisingly—did want to be friends with Hange. “Is that a problem?” Isa winced internally when her question came out harsher than she’d intended.

_Sure, let’s go ahead and drive off a potential friend from the get-go. Good job Isa._

Hange shrugged at Isa’s question. “No, I could care less where you come from, I’ve just never seen anyone from Wall Sina, much less the capital, join the military. Usually people join the military because they want to join the Military Police get into Wall Sina, not to get out.”

Isa scoffed. “Well when you’ve lived there and spent time around the spoiled nobles, you realize that there are better things to do with your time than worry about what you’re going to wear for afternoon tea, and you’ll do anything to leave.”

Hange nodded. “Hmm fair point. So, what’s it like in Mitras?”

Isa finished the last bite of her dinner before answering. “Well the people there are cruel, hateful, snobbish. They look down on everyone from the outer walls. They believe they are invincible because they are in the innermost walls.” Isa thought of her caretakers, the people she’d been forced to live with, and how cruel they’d been to her. “They’re greedy, vengeful bastards, who enjoy making the lives of those they consider beneath them miserable. I was lucky to escape.” Isa’s voice was harsh and unforgiving as she spoke of the citizens behind Wall Sina.

Hange’s mouth was agape. Isa could tell the girl was not used to someone speaking so negatively about the elites who live in the capital. She was certain that most people Hange had grown up with had admired the lives of the citizens of Mitras, with their fancy clothes and fancy parties.

Isa had often overheard the maids that had worked in the house she’d been forced to live in speaking about how they dreamed of one of the noblemen sweeping them off their feet and whisking them a way to a better life. When she’d shared her desire to join the scouts, they’d scoffed at her, writing her off as insane.

“That’s what I’ve always thought, but I’ve also never been around them, so I wasn’t sure if I should be so quick to make that sort of judgment.”

“Oh no, you’re right to judge. Walls knows they do it plenty.”

At that point, they had both finished their dinner, so they outside to the training grounds, and sat by one of the trees that lined the grounds.

After dinner, she and Hange walked back to the girls’ barracks where they met some of the other cadets. Uma, an amiable redhead, though Isa had a strange sense that she wasn’t as friendly as she seemed.

There were also two other girls, Lucy, a tall brunette, and Sherri, a short blonde, who were childhood friends from Trost. They’d joined the military in the hopes of making the top ten so they could join the Military Police and take their families into the safety of the inner walls.

Her days followed the same routine. Wake up, training, eat lunch, training, eat dinner, and then promptly collapse onto her bed in an exhausted heap while she and the other girls chatted about the day. There were other nights where Isa would go down to the stables where the horses were kept, and stay with the mare, whom she’d named Luna, she’d been assigned. She’d write in her journal long into the night, with the mare’s calm presence for company.

~-~

The days flew by and before Isa knew it, the cadets were nearing the end of their training. Isa’s skills had improved greatly since beginning training. She maneuvered with the ODM gear without any trouble, and for once, her size was on her side. Being on the smaller side made it easier for her to speed through courses and allowed her to make tight turns. She’d set quite a few records for completing the various training courses.

Isa was impressed with her friends and how they were faring in training. She could easily see all of them heading for the top ten. Hange was doing immensely well. Where Isa was sharp and crisp in her cuts and turns, Hange was more on the bouncy side, taking the time to have a little fun whenever she went in for a kill. She would always give a little cheer or shout when she would go in to slice the rubber nape of the titan dummies. Hange outshone everyone in the classroom, where the cadets were taught everything that was known about the titans. Hange always managed to ask questions that stumped their instructor.

Lucy and Sherri were doing well with hand-to-hand training. Even though it wasn’t a part of their final score, it would ultimately give them an edge for whenever they joined the Military Police. The two girls were top of their class in ODM training.

The cadets were currently in the forest doing ODM training and had been split off into groups of three and four. They’d been tasked with working together to take down the titan dummies, no solo kills were allowed in this exercise. The instructor’s reasoning was that their chance of success increases when they work together versus trying to work alone, especially as a rookie.

Currently Isa was grouped off with Derek and Hange, and she was grateful that Hange was in her group. Her friend was always able to help Isa keep her nerves at bay, which were always present when she was around Derek.

She couldn’t deny that he was appealing to look at, with his blonde hair streaked by the sunlight and his warm brown eyes. Even though she found him physically appealing, for some reason, she also always got an uneasy feeling around him. Something inside her told her not to trust him, but she’d written it off as nerves because she’d never really been around an attractive boy her age before.

The trio approached one of the titan dummies. They had a routine at this point. One of them would act as a distraction, the other would slice up the rubber at the ankles or behind the knees, and then the third would taking the killing blow to the rubber on the neck. They rotated their roles as they made their way throughout the course. This was their last part of training for the day before the instructor would release them for the evening.

Once they finished the remaining Titans, the trio made their way back to the entrance of the forest where the instructor was waiting. Before dismissing them, he gave them a reminder. “Don’t forget that tomorrow we’ll be heading to Trost for the evacuation drill. You’ll be assigned your roles in the morning. Dismissed.”

At that, Isa made her way to the showers. She personally preferred to shower before dinner, so that she could change out of her sweaty clothes and eat comfortably. She never could understand how Hange could go so long without showering. Isa hated the grimy feeling that came from missing a shower for even a day.

After she finished, she met up with Hange who was waiting outside the shower room, and then made their way over to the mess hall. They grabbed their usual dinner of soup, a potato, and bread, and took their usual seat at a table by the window. They were soon joined by Lucy and Sherri. The four had become fast friends since they’d met at the start of training. They were all currently listening to Hange chatter away about Titans, when a fifth person sat down with them.

Isa was a bit surprised to see that Derek had joined them. He’d never really made an effort to talk to them outside of training, so she wasn’t sure why he was now all of a sudden. When she met his eyes, there was that same odd glint in them, that made Isa’s throat clench, but it was, again, gone within seconds.

Hange the extroverted being that she was, had no issues greeting the newcomer. “Hey, you did great today during ODM training. I feel like the three of us work great together as a team. I’m hoping they group us together again for this evacuation drill they’re going to have us do.”

“Hmm, hopefully so. This drill is going to weigh heavily on our final scores, so I’d prefer to not be with a team that’s going to hinder my performance.”

Isa had to hold herself back from rolling her eyes at the smug, pretentious bastard

They all chatted about the upcoming drills and looming graduation. At the mention of graduation, Derek asked the four girls which regiment they planned to join. Isa was not surprised at the fact that he didn’t seem particularly happy that they wanted to join the scouts, not that she really cared. The disagreement didn’t bother Isa, but Derek’s next words set her on edge.

“Could you be any more stupid? Why would you want to join the scouts? You must have some sort of death wish! People who willingly want to join the scouts belong in a mental institution!”

Isa bristled at his venomous tone and judgmental words. “Who the fuck are you to judge? You don’t know me, you don’t know Hange.” She didn’t understand why she was reacting so negatively. It wasn’t the first time someone had questioned her choice. Perhaps it was his tone of voice, the words themselves, or the fact that Isa always felt so uneasy around him. “If you want to disagree with our choices, fine, I don’t care, but don’t you dare belittle my intelligence just because you don’t agree. Fuck off asshole.”

The other girls watched in stunned silenced at the exchange. Never had they heard Isa so agitated. Isa had been confronted before about her decision to join the scouts, but she’d always managed to remain so calm and collected, choosing to explain her reasoning behind wanting to join the scouts. Hange didn’t even protest when Isa grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the mess hall.

The two girls made their way to their usual spot by the trees. On the days they were able to, they both liked to relax there and watch the sunset after training. It gave them the chance to pretend that they weren’t living in a messed-up world and only a giant wall separated them from giant man-eating monsters.

They sat in silence for a while until Hange spoke up first. “Hey buddy, you alright?”

Isa huffed and her brows furrowed. “Yea, I’m not sure why I got so bothered by his tone. I always feel more on edge around him, and I don’t like the way he was talking about the scouts.” Her voice began to rise again, and she started speaking faster. “If it wasn’t for the scouts, we would be completely fucking defenseless. People like him just don’t understand how fucking lost we’d be without them. They’re more worried about living in fucking comfort and could care less about what happens in the future! I don’t care if he fucking disagrees with me joining the scouts, but to insult my fucking intelligence and my mental stability is where I draw the fucking line.”

Hange was watching Isa in stunned silence again. She’d only ever seen her friend ramble this much with this many swears on a handful of occasions over the last couple of years, and only when someone had truly tested her patience. Even then it hadn’t been to this extent.

Isa drew in a deep breath, trying to slow her heart after her tirade. “Look let’s not talk about him anymore. I just want to relax because tomorrow is going to be a long day, and I don’t want to screw something up.”

“Sure buddy, whatever you want.”

~-~

The next day rolled around, and everyone was preparing to leave for Trost. Lucy and Sherri had decided they wanted to drop in and visit their families while they were there, and had invited Hange and Isa to join them.

Later that morning, the cadets were given their assignments for the drill. Isa was grouped with Hange and Derek, and they were given a section that they would be responsible for. They would need to clear out titans as well as make sure the citizens evacuate to the gate.

With that, they set off for Trost on their horses. Isa took her usual place by Hange, Lucy, and Sherri. She was a little irked that she was grouped off with Derek again, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle.

The journey to Trost was uneventful. Isa listened to Sherri and Lucy as they chattered about their families and what it was like growing up in Trost. Both their moms had stayed home to raise their children and their fathers had worked. Lucy’s dad worked as a baker, and Sherri’s dad was a Captain in the Garrison. Lucy and Sherri had grown up in houses that were not too far apart, and they had spent countless days at each other’s homes.

_Their families sound so nice, I wish I still had that. I used to have that…I hardly remember what it’s like now. I can barely remember my mom and dad’s faces._

“Isa, are you okay?” Lucy had noticed the forlorn look on her friend’s face.

Isa shook the depressive thoughts from her mind and she turned to Lucy. “I’m fine, I was just thinking how your families sound so nice.”

Lucy gnawed on her lip, “Well my mom and I don’t always see eye to eye. She still treats me like a child sometimes.” Lucy laughed at the looks Isa and Hange shot her, considering the Lucy and Sherri, and the majority of the cadets were four years Isa's junior. “Okay, okay, I am technically still a kid, compared to you at least, but I mean she treats me as if I were five instead of fifteen. She didn’t even want me to join the military, even though I told her I was planning on joining the Military Police. She tried to tell me that only the top ten get into the Military Police.” Lucy rolled her eyes. “As if I didn’t already know that.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, my dad felt the same about me joining the military and _he’s_ in the military. He told me that it’s too dangerous for me.” Sherri huffed. “I finally told him that it would I’d be safer joining the military, because then I’d be trained on how to take care of myself.”

Isa laughed. “That’s definitely a good point. What did he say?”

“I had actually stunned him into silence for a change, and I knew I’d won that argument.” A smug look took over Sherri’s face. “But of course, he basically forbade me from joining the Scouts. He said that they were nothing more than a bunch of lunatics who gave the rest of the military a bad name.”

“I’m going to assume then, that I should avoid mentioning to him that I want to join the Scouts.”

“Yea, it’s probably best if you don’t bring that up.”

Laughing now, they continued their trek to Trost.

When they arrived at Trost, they had a couple of hours to kill before they were due for the drill, which gave the girls plenty of time to stop in and visit with their families. They left their horses in a stable by the gate, as neither of the girls’ homes had a place to let the horses rest comfortably. The remainder of their journey would be traveled on foot.

Isa was in awe of the life bustling around them as they made their way through the streets in Trost. In Mitras, everyone was always so formal. The women would always wear ridiculously uncomfortable and expensive dresses for the simplest of outings. The men were always in suits. One could easily tell the difference between the elite nobles and the commoners simply by the way they dressed.

Isa could already see the difference between life in Trost and Life in Mitras. The people here looked happier, which was ironic since they’d tried to shove the belief that ‘money is happiness’ down her throat. The majority of the citizens here didn’t have that look that said _I’m better than you_ , that was worn by the vast majority of the Mitras population. Isa had always imagined it was tiring always thinking you’re better than everyone.

From the time she was seven to the time she’d escaped, her caretakers had tried to force her to accept their ways. To mold her into a noble. But she’d fought and rebelled every step of the way. It was so refreshing to see _normal_ people living and leading normal lives.

The women still wore dresses or skirts and blouses, but their clothes were geared towards functionality versus fashion. Most of the clothes were faded and worn in, but what struck Isa about their clothes, is that they looked comfortable, as they should be. She’d always hated the stiff dresses that left no room for any movement. The men also ported more comfortable trousers and shirts to the stuffy suits that were popular in Mitras.

Here the women did their own shopping rather than sending servants to do their work for them. In Mitras, most women wouldn’t be able to shop for themselves if their lives depended on it. The men were also just as useless in the basics of life. Should they ever have to fend for themselves, they’d be the first to die. Isa laughed at the thought of the prim and proper nobles having to defend themselves. Of course, that would only be after they sent off their servants as sacrifices.

She watched as children played in the road. She envied their innocence and freedom. Hers had been taken from her as a child, and it’s not something that can be given back.

As she walked, she failed to notice the child running from his mother right into her path. He bumped into her and fell over.

The other girls paused as they heard Isa say, “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. Are you alright? I should have been paying more attention. Here let me help you.” Isa extended a hand to help the boy up and was stunned when he smacked it out of the way.

“I don’t need your help.” The gruff tone coming from someone so young took Isa off guard.

His mother caught up to him in time to hear what he said. She flushed at his rude tone and chided her son. “Jean-boy, apologize.”

“Why should I? Because you told me to?” At that, Jean took off away from his mother.

The woman turned to Isa and her friends and had trouble meeting their eyes. “I’m…I’m so sorry about that miss. He’s…he’s a good child, he’s just had some tough times.”

Isa gave her a gentle smile. “Don’t worry about it ma’am, we’ve all been at that age.” The woman seemed like such a sweetheart she reminded Isa of…she cut off that train of thought as a pang jolted in her heart. _I’m not going to think about her. Not here. Not now. I don’t want to ruin this day._

The woman gave her a grateful smile before she turned to follow after her son.

The girls continued walking and soon arrived at Sherri’s house. Sherri and Lucy had written their families in advance, so both families were there to meet them when they arrived. The two girls’ parents raced out of the door before they’d even made it through the gate, drawing Sherri and Lucy into their arms for a hug.

As the girls were released, Sherri’s mom was the first to speak. “Are these your friends?”

“Yes, this is Isa and Hange. We met back at the start of training.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Sherri and Lucy have told us so much about you two in your letters. Please, come in, we know you can’t stay long, but we made some tea and snacks for you girls.”

As the group entered the house and walked into the living area, Sherri’s dad was next to speak. “I’m glad that Sherri has been able to make more friends during training. I remember how gruesome training can be, and it helps to have people you can lean on.”

Hange gave a friendly smile to Sherri’s dad. “Thank you, sir, we’ve heard a lot about you. Sherri tells us you’re in the Garrison. What’s it like there?”

“Are you interested in joining? It’s really nice for the most part, generally pretty quiet. We’re usually working to keep the number of Titans surrounding the wall at a minimum. My squad and I are stationed at the gates in Shiganshina. I’m glad you showed up on one of my leave days or I would have missed the chance to see my little bug.”

Sherri’s face flushed at the nickname. “Dad.” His name a long, drawn out whine at the embarrassment of having been called by the silly nickname.

Isa didn’t think there was anything to be embarrassed of. She thought it was rather adorable that Sherri and her family were so close. She enjoyed listening to Sherri’s dad tell stories of his time in training. It sounded as though him and his comrades were quite the rowdy troublemakers who kept their instructors on their toes. Isa never would have expected such a high-ranking officer to have been such a rebel in his youth.

Isa’s heart warmed as Sherri’s parents told them how they’d met. Their love for each other clearly burned as deep now as it did from the start. A pang of envy and longing hit Isa at the affection the two shared for each other, even after all this time, which she quickly shoved aside. _I don’t have time for that sort of thing, no matter how much I want it._

Lucy’s dad often made trips to the Underground to give away bread to anyone who would take it. At the mention of the Underground Isa stiffened, and had to force herself to relax. Hange, the ever perceptive being, shot Isa a curious look at her reaction, but to Isa’s relief, no one seemed to notice.

Hange was intrigued that she had finally met someone who had been to the mysterious Underground. Lucy’s dad managed to answer all the questions she shot his way.

Isa enjoyed watching her friends’ interactions with their parents. It was clear that the two girls were adored.

Before long, their time was up, and the girls needed to start making their way back to their instructors in the main part of Trost.

The girls said their goodbyes to their parents, who were reluctant to let them go, and made their way back out onto the streets of Trost.

As they walked, Isa was still in awe of the city. There were shops selling fabrics for clothes. Shops selling little homemade trinkets. Everywhere she looked there was something new to see. Simple jewelry that Isa found far more beautiful than the gaudy pieces sold in the capital. An antique shop selling gorgeous pocket watches. There was one shop that caught her attention more than any of the others.

“Hey guys, I know we don’t have a lot of time, but do you mind if I stop here really quick? You don’t have to come in, I just want to see if I can find some tea to take back with me.”

Isa slowly made her way into the little teashop, and the smells of tea wrapped around Isa in a comforting blanket. She was sent back to nights early on in her childhood, with her parents. Her mom would always make her a cup of tea at night when she had trouble sleeping. She couldn’t remember the name, but she was certain that she’d be able to recognize it by smell.

After several unsuccessful attempts, she sought out the shop owner, an elderly woman, with a weathered face.

“Excuse me ma’am, I was wondering if you could help me? I’m having trouble remembering the name of the tea I want.”

“Of course, dear, can you describe it for me?”

She looked over her shoulder, and her friends were still outside the shop and that they wouldn’t hear her. “Well, it was one that my mom used to make me when I was younger and had trouble sleeping. I remember it smelled a bit like apples, and tasted a little sweet, even without anything in it.”

“Hmm, well that sounds a little like chamomile tea. Here deary, let me fix you a small cup so we can see.”

“Oh you don’t have to go through the trouble ma’am.”

“It’s no trouble at all, and please, call me Ethel.”

“Alright, thank you Ethel.”

Before Isa knew it, there was a cup of tea in her hands. The warm aroma of the tea brought tears to Isa’s eyes. She took a sip, and was immediately transported in time.

_A little girl hid under her blankets as she awoke with a scream from another nightmare. Tears streamed down her face as her heart pounded in her ears. There was only one person she wanted, one person she could find comfort in._

_“Mama.” Her trembling voice called out._

_The curtain that sectioned off her makeshift room in her family’s small apartment was whisked away. A woman with a soft face saw her trembling daughter and quickly lay beside her, drawing her close into her arms._

_“Isa dear, whatever is the matter?”_

_“Nightmare,” she said in a small voice._

_Her mom tightened her arms around her. “Don’t worry dear, it was only a dream.”_

_Tears welling up in her eyes again, she choked out, “But it felt so real Mama. I saw you and Papa die, and I don’t want that to happen.”_

_A sigh escaped her mom’s mouth. In a soothing voice she spoke to Isa. “I know sweetie, it’s a scary thing.” Isa’s mom drew her closer, stroking her hand over Isa’s hair. “But it’s part of life. People live, and people die. All we can do is make the most of the moments in between and live life to the fullest with no regrets.” No parent wanted to have this conversation with their child, but sometimes you had to do things you didn’t want to in life._

_Isa looked at her mom with wide and sorrowful eyes. “Do you have regrets Mama?”_

_“I do dear, but that’s part of being human too. It’s hard to live with no regrets. We live knowing that each action has a consequence, and we don’t know the outcome until it happens. Sometimes, things just don’t turn out the way we want them to. In life, you’ll have to try to make the decision that you think you’ll regret the least.”_

_Isa snuggled closer into her mom’s loving embrace. “I love you mama.”_

_“I love you too dear. How about we get you a cup of tea?”_

_Isa perked up at that. She always felt better after one of her mama’s special cups of tea, and it always helped her sleep. “Yes please.” She finally smiled at her mom, the nightmare long forgotten._

Isa’s hand trembled around the tea as the memory flashed before her.

“Dear, are you alright?” Ethel’s worried voice brought Isa back to the present.

Something wet was on Isa’s face, and it took her a moment to realize she was crying. She quickly wiped the tears off her face and gave the woman a small smile. “I’m fine, sorry, the tea…it just brought back some memories.”

“How old were you when she died?”

Stunned, Isa asked, “How did you know?”

“I have a sense about these things.”

Isa chewed her lip as more tears fell from her eyes. “I was seven.” Isa’s voice was thick as she spoke. “They were both killed.”

Ethel quickly drew Isa into a hug. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry to hear that. No child deserves to go through that.” She drew back, and softly wiped the tears from Isa’s face. “Here, I want you to take this tin of chamomile tea, on me.”

“Oh no, Ethel, please let me pay you.”

“I insist.” Her voice was firm, yet warm. “And anytime you want some tea, please, just come pay me a visit.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Isa’s voice was shaky.

“I can see a lost and lonely soul in you, and you deserve some relief from that.”

Hange came in to check on Isa and was instantly at her side when she saw Isa’s tear stained face. “Isa, are you alright?” She drew Isa into a hug.

“I’m…I’m fine. Just the tea reminded me of something.” Isa pulled back from Hange and turned to face Ethel. “I don’t know how to thank you, but I appreciate this, more than you can know. I’ll come back sometime soon.” She gave Ethel another hug, surprisingly at ease with the woman. _Is this what having a grandmother is like?_

“Please do dear, and stay close to these friends of yours. They have good hearts. You can trust them.”

Isa sent another small smile to Ethel, and then turned and walked back out with Hange.

The four girls made their way through the streets of Trost again, Hange was sharing some more stories about the stars again. Isa was grateful that Hange hadn’t asked anything else about what happened in the tea shop. It was as if she understood that there were some things she just wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Besides, Isa had found that she enjoyed these tales of the stars in the sky, as ridiculous and childish they may seem.

Soon the girls found themselves back at the center of the district, where the instructors were awaiting the return of the cadets. While the cadets had been on their break, the instructors had taken the time to set up titans around Trost. It didn’t take long for all the cadets to return. They knew better at this point than to ever be late. Threats of punishments ranging from months of stable duty to endless laps were enough to keep the cadets prompt.

The cadets were dismissed to their sections, and with the shot of the instructor’s flare gun, they began the drill. Isa’s group had decided that Hange should be in charge of making sure the people evacuated, and Isa and Derek would take care of the titans.

Like they had many times before, they took care of the titans with ease. They alternated between working together and taking solo kills. While Isa was uneasy in Derek’s presence, during drills such as these, they managed to work well together.

Isa hunted through her section for stray titans, and she came across one that was down an alley. She used the roofs to make her way over, only using gas to make the jumps between buildings. As she got closer, she shot out her hooks to latch onto the titan’s arm, looping herself down so that she could swing up and around towards the neck. With a grunt, she brought her blades across the nape, effectively downing another titan.

Before long, the drill was over, and the cadets met up in the center again. Over the years Isa had noticed that while the drills and training were generally gruesome, there were times where things felt easy, a little too easy. She wanted to assume that it was because they were getting better, which made everything seem easier, but if anything, the training should get harder as they progress. Isa personally was looking forward to being able to join the scouts and complete some real training. She’d heard that their training routines were far more intense than anything they’d do as cadets.

Only a few months separated her from true freedom, and she could hardly wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I know, that was a super big time skip for the first chapter, but I didn't want to spend too much time in training. I have some stuff written up from her training years, so I may go back at some point and create another part to this story of maybe some extra scenes that go into her training years. If you're reading this note then I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Second chapter should be up sometime soon. My goal is to go for a chapter a week, maybe more depending on time.


	2. Year 844 - Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present to you...another chapter. :) I hope you enjoy it.

As Isa slept, images played through her mind.

_A knife glinting in the moonlight._

_Blood…blood everywhere…so much blood._

_Voices telling her how pathetic and unlovable she was._

_The small dark room she was locked in when she failed to meet their standards._

Hange awoke to Isa’s whimpers coming from the bunk above her. This wasn’t the first time she’d been stirred from sleep by Isa’s cries. Hange had asked her friend in the past, but Isa hadn’t wanted to talk about it. All she’d said was that her real parents had been killed, the people who took care of her had been horrible people, and that she’d escaped to join the Military.

Isa hadn’t shared anything else about her nightmares with Hange, and Hange had kept her questions to herself, understanding that Isa would tell her if and when she was ready. Instead, she did the same thing she did every time Isa had a nightmare. It was what Hange’s mother used to do when she was younger, and it had always made her feel better.

She lifted herself up into the top bunk and laid down beside Isa. She whispered to her friend, her sister in a soft voice. “Sleep Isa, it’s okay. I’m here.”

And, as if sensing she was no longer alone, Isa’s whimpers ceased, and she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

When Hange felt sure that Isa slept soundly, she allowed herself to drift off.

~ - ~

It was the last day of training and Isa was ecstatic.

She’d done it. She’d actually done it. It was the end of year three, and Isa had made it through the torture that was training. While there were times where training had been easy, there had still been challenges. Tomorrow they’d be announcing the top ten and then the next day they’d be able to choose their regiments.

Isa could care less about whether or not she made the top ten. That had never been her goal. Sure she could have maybe set her goal to join the Military Police and tried to fix the corruption, but the odds of her alone being able to make any sort of change were slim. Besides, they can’t know she’s still alive, and going to Wall Sina would only make it all the more likely that they’d find her.

Today they’d allowed the cadets to do some free training, where they were allowed to pick and choose what they wanted to work on. Isa had decided to work on her ODM skills, and she was currently working through the last of the titan dummies that were set up in the forest. She’d spent all day going back and forth switching out the rubber pieces, and this would be her last round.

Where some cadets often just went through the motions, Isa always tried to find a different path each time. She knew that titans would be unpredictable, so she couldn’t get into the bad habit of following a set path. Titans of all sizes can appear out of nowhere, so she needed to be ready.

She saw a group of three titan dummies ahead of her, and as she approached, she formulated a plan of attack. Air whooshing around her as she pressed the trigger for more gas, the whizzing of her grappling hooks filled the air as she looped down under their arms and swung back around towards the nape of the farthest titan.

Her blades clanked as they easily sliced through the nape. Not pausing for even a second, she used a tree to quickly change directions, aiming for the next one. At the last second, she swooped up, pretending the titan had tried to grab out her, leaving her to quickly change her path. She looped back around, avoiding the hands of the other titan, and made quick work of the titan’s neck. This left the final titan.

Isa imagined that this one was an abnormal titan, and that it was quickly stomping its way towards her. She sped towards the ground and aimed for the rubber pieces that made up the heels of the titan. She sliced through both almost simultaneously, which would cause the titan to theoretically fall to the ground. She used her hooks to quickly wind herself up the titan’s back, and with a swing of her blades, the final titan was defeated.

With that, she took a brief second to admire her work, and then set about to replace the rubber pieces so that the next person wouldn’t have to do so.

After she’d finished, she decided to take a shower before meeting up with her friends for dinner. As she let the water run over her body, she traced a finger over the scar on her arm. Tricking them had been her only means of getting out of Mitras.

_As long as I stay away from Mitras, I’ll be okay._

She couldn’t wait to dedicate herself officially to the scouts and get the brown jacket and cloak with the wings of freedom on them. To be rid of the cadet jacket. To be free.

She remembered the first time she’d seen a scout.

 _She’d been around twelve at the time and was going outside for the first time. They’d kept her locked inside the giant house, forbidden from leaving, for fear of her running off, and for fear of what others would think of her horrendous manners, her awful behavior. Running out of patience, they thought perhaps a taste of what she was missing would steer her into the direction they wanted._

_They’d gone to Shiganshina for the day to do some charity work. Another excuse for the nobles to think highly of themselves. They went there under the guise of helping the “less fortunate,” but in reality, they relished in the prospect of the peasants, the commoners, kissing the ground at their feet, worshipping the ground they walked on. They fed off the adoration of others, like parasites leeching off their hosts._

_Their wagon had been loaded with clothes, jewelry, all kinds of items that they no longer used, to bring to districts in the outer walls as donations to local merchants. As they rode through the town, Isa had watched as people gaped at the elegant carriage they rode in, the horses’ gleaming coats. When they stepped out of the carriage, people were in awe of the fine fabrics of their clothing._

_Isa had abhorred the attention._

_She had thought to herself how the nobles were no different than the people around them. They still bled, fed, ate, shit just like any other person. The only difference was the money the nobles had. She’d wanted to scream to the people to stop feeding their madness, but she’d known it would be moot._

_They were stopped at one of the merchants, standing idly by as the owners of the store unloaded the goods from the wagon. Isa had heard people yelling that the Scouts were leaving. Curious, she’d made her way over to where a crowd of people were gathering. She pushed her way to the front, and watched as men and women on horseback, wearing the wings of freedom, rode to the gate._

_She’d asked someone standing next to her who they were._

_“Those people, young miss, are the good men and women of the Scouts, one of the branches of our military. They leave our walls to learn what’s out there, and to learn as much as they can about the titans. They give their lives in search of answers and freedom.”_

_“You mean you can leave the walls?” Her heart had leapt at the thought._

_“As a scout you can.”_

_“Isa!” The voice came seconds before a harsh hand grabbed her arm. “I can’t believe you would wander off like that. Come, it’s time to go.”_

_She yanked her arm out of the grasp, glaring at the woman in front of her. “No, I want to stay and watch the scouts.” She wanted to know more about these people who left the sanctity of the walls, wanted to learn how to join, wanted to know **more** , be **more** , see **more** , do **more**. More, **everything.**_

_The woman’s tone was haughty, nose set high in the air. “Absolutely not. Those people are a disgrace. They do nothing but waste our money on their failed expeditions. If our government had any sense, they would disband the regiment immediately, and move all funding to the Military Police.”_

_The woman had to forcibly drag her back, clearly embarrassed by the fuss Isa was making as she fought each step of the way, but the woman’s grasp was iron tight. As she struggled against the woman’s hold, Isa had looked behind her, watching the Scouts, marveling at the idea of being able to leave. Seeing the scouts had fueled her desire for freedom, triggering something deep within her. Something she’d long ago locked away. Hope. That day she’d promised herself that she would find a way to join the Scouts. She wanted to see for herself what else was out there._

_Running off like that plus the refusal to come along when told, had earned her two weeks in the dark room. Noble girls must know their place and mustn’t leave their duties. She’d had a responsibility to assist with the charity work. And she'd proven to them that she was not yet ready to leave the house. It would be another three years before they allowed her to leave again._

~ - ~

In the mess hall, Isa could sense the mixed emotions in the air from the cadets around them. Some were elated, some excited, others anxious. Isa was a mix of the three, but mostly, excitement filled her. The day she’d been waiting for, for so long, was so close.

She thought back to that day when her friends had asked why she and Hange wanted to join the Scouts.

Lucy had been the one to ask, as they sat at this very same table next to the glint window.

_“Isa…we, Sherri and I, were wondering. Why exactly is it you want to join the Scouts?”_

_Isa sighed. “I know, you essentially have to be suicidal to join that branch.” They’d asked her this before, but she’d avoided answering, unsure if they would understand._

 _“Well it’s not so much that, it’s just…I’ve seen you train, and you’re really good. I wouldn’t be surprised if you made the top ten. Why wouldn’t you want to choose a more comfortable, safer position?”_

_Resigned, Isa took a moment before answering, trying to think of how to best explain. “Are we ever really safe? Safe from what? Titans? Or humans? At least with titans, they seem somewhat more predictable. Humans…humans are less consistent in their actions. In my experience, humans are far more dangerous.”_

_It was Sherri who spoke up this time. “Ok, yes, that’s a fair point, but even still. You’re someone who has the potential to join the Military Police. The safest branch,” Sherri rolled her eyes at the bland look Isa shot her, “okay, okay, safest from titans, but still, why would you want to go with the Scouts? Even the Garrison is safer.”_

_A small, humorless smile was on Isa’s face as she answered. “Well don’t you ever think it’s strange how we train, and work hard, and become strong titan killers, so that we can make the top ten and then join the most interior branch of the military? It’s a bit backwards if you ask me. The top of each training group should go to the Scouts. I’m sure they’d have less fatalities if they had the chance to consistently have the top of the class.”_

_That gave the two girls pause. Again, it was Lucy who recovered first. “I…I’d never really thought of it that way.”_

_Isa stared wistfully out the window, imagining the walls out in the distance. “Don’t you ever get tired of these walls? Every day we wake up inside these walls, not knowing what’s out there. There has to be more out there, and I’ll be damned if I don’t find out what.”_

_Sherri looked at Hange. “Hange, I know you’re going to join the Scouts, but we’ve never asked you why, so I guess we want to know why you’re joining too. Just so that we can maybe understand. We’ve always wondered why some people even choose that branch.”_

_Isa tried to stop her before Hange could say anything, “No, wait don’t get her start—" …But it was too late._

_“Well I’m really interested in the titans, and I think there’s so much that we just don’t know about them. Think about it, would we know how to kill a titan if the Scouts hadn’t been going out on expeditions?” Hange’s face began to take on that maniacal glint that Isa was familiar with. Hell, she was practically drooling as she kept going. “Not just that, but how could you not want to try to learn more. Where they come from? Can they speak? How do they survive without food? Are any intelligent? Do they feel pain? Remorse? Fear? How can I find out answers if I’m inside the walls? How can I learn in the Garrison or Military Police? My only option is the Scouts.” Having said that in one breath, Hange paused as she filled her lungs back up with air._

_Both girls looked at Hange and Isa as if they’d both grown another head, yet, at the same time, there was also an understanding look written on their faces, one suggesting that they could see her points. The two girls had never thought of any of this before. Never thought to ask questions. All they’d ever heard is that you essentially have to be insane to join the Scouts._

Her friends soon joined her for dinner, pulling her back to the present, and they spent the meal just enjoying each other’s company. Isa was elated at the thought of graduating, but there was also an underlying sorrow as the time where they would all separate grew near. She feared that she would never speak to them again.

_What if Lucy and Sherri don’t want to stay in touch? What if they don’t want to stay friends? We are friends right? How often should I write them? I don’t want to get on their nerves, but I also don’t want them to think I don’t want to talk to them…how do people even do this sort of thing? What if I want to visit them but they don’t want to see me?_

Isa tried to shake off her fears, but they nagged at her all throughout dinner, and she didn’t know how to ask. There were times where she felt like an outsider looking in, but other times, she felt like she belonged. Instead, she merely watched as her friends laughed at some new crazy theory Hange had concocted. They all had such different laughs. Lucy was the type to throw her head back, gasping for air as her laugh took over her. Sherri would usually just rest her head on the table, her shoulders shaking as silent giggles ran through her body. Hange had a more boisterous, joyful laugh, that was full of life. Seeing her friends enjoying themselves, she couldn't help but smile.

She would miss these times immensely.

After dinner, she told her friends she'd see them later. Once everyone had left the mess hall, Isa snuck into the kitchen to snag a carrot, and then made her way over to the stables. She wanted to spend one last night with Luna, just in case she wouldn’t be able to keep her once she’d joined the scouts.

As she approached Luna’s stall, the mare poked her head out, giving an excited whinny in greeting.

Isa laughed as she entered the stall and reached out to rub the mare’s nose. “You missed me huh girl? I just saw you yesterday.”

The mare threw her head back and huffed, stamping a hoof on the ground, as if to say that was still too long.

“I know I know, I missed you too.” Isa gave the mare a sly grin. “You know what I brought for you.” She pulled the carrot she’d stolen from the kitchen out of her pocket, dangling it in front of Luna's muzzle. The mare threw back her head again, the joy apparent in her soft brown eyes.

The mare attempted to snatch the carrot out of Isa’s hands, to which Isa drew it further out of reach, tutting, a sly grin on her face. “Now, now, Luna, where are your manners. I’d like to keep my fingers intact if that’s alright with you.” The mare rolled her eyes and huffed in apology. “That’s more like it, now here you go.” She held out the carrot and this time Luna gently took it from Isa, her eyes filled with warm gratitude as she crunched on the glorious treat.

Isa stroked the soft fur between Luna’s eyes, and the mare huffed in quiet contentment. “You’re one of the few beings in this messed up world that I truly trust Luna.” Luna nuzzled at Isa, as if to say the trust was mutual.

Isa wrapped her arms around Luna’s warm neck, running her hands through the mare’s soft mane. “I hope I can take you with me. I don’t think I can bear to part with you.” A few, lone tears escaped Isa's eyes as she breathed in the comforting scent that was Luna.

She stayed that way for a while, softly stroking the mare’s neck. Isa could slowly feel the muscles slowly relax beneath her hand. Pulling back she looked at Luna’s relaxed face. “How about a brush?”

The mare nickered in agreement.

Isa pulled down Isa’s brush from the shelf and set about to brush Luna’s fur. She feared that this would be the last time she’d be able to do this. She had yet to pluck up the courage to ask the instructor if she could keep the horse.

Over the past three years, Isa had spent countless hours with Luna. The mare was her solace when she needed a break from humans and was always happy to see Isa approach. Isa had always loved how animals have this nature about them, where they’re willing to love unconditionally. Only when they’re treated cruelly do they lash out, but even then, they still love with everything they have.

All too soon, Isa finished brushing the mare’s coat, and she knew she needed to leave soon, lest she get in trouble by one of the instructors for being out so late. The last thing she wanted were problems this close to graduation.

Sighing, she gave Luna a hug. “I’m going to talk to the instructor tomorrow morning, and hopefully I’ll be able to keep you.” She gave the mare a soft kiss on her muzzle, who gave a soft nicker in return, and then walked out of the stall.

~ - ~

The next morning Isa made her way to the head instructor’s office and knocked on his door. Her stomach was twisted in knots as she thought of all the ways this could go wrong.

“Name and business.”

“Cadet Tudor sir, I’m here to request a moment of your time to discuss something.”

“Very well, enter cadet.”

She opened the door and walked into the office.

“Have a seat, just give me a moment to finish this up.”

She sat in front of the instructor’s desk and waited for him to finish. While the man still intimidated her to no end, she’d grown to respect him throughout training. He clearly cared about the well-being of his cadets, even if he never said it. He showed it through his actions. He worked hard to make sure the cadets were well-trained to the best of his ability.

Finally, he looked up at her. “Alright cadet, to what do I owe the complete displeasure of your visit.”

She held back a smile at the instructor’s words. They all knew that he enjoyed it when cadets came in to speak with him. It took him out of the mundane paperwork he was forced to do when not training the cadets. “Well sir, it’s about my horse.”

“What about her.”

“…Well…you see sir, after training, I intend to join the scouts.”

“Get to the point cadet.”

Isa’s palms were sweating at this point. “I was wondering if it would be at all possible to keep my horse once I join the scouts.”

“I see.”

For what felt like an eternity to Isa, the instructor pondered her request.

“Cadet, you know this is not something that normally happens. The horses generally stay with us, and the scouts supply their members with their own horses.”

Isa’s face fell. “I understand sir.”

“But I’ve seen how well the mare responds to you, and she seems to be quite attached.

A small flicker of hope burned inside Isa.

“Alright cadet, I’ll approve your request. You can keep your horse.”

The small flicker turned into a flame inside Isa as a rare grin spread across her face. She quickly jumped up and gave a proud salute to her instructor. “Thank you sir, you won’t regret this.”

“See that I don’t cadet. We expect great things from you. I’ll inform the Scout Commander of this. Dismissed.”

She raced out of the instructor’s office and ran to the stables. She knew exactly with whom she first wanted to share the news.

She burst into Luna’s stall and threw her arms around the mare’s neck. “I did it Luna. I asked him and he said I can take you with me.” Tears fell out of Isa’s eyes and onto the mare’s warm neck. For once, she felt nothing but pure and utter joy.

The mare gave a content nicker at her words, nuzzling Isa’s back.

She gave Luna another brush, and then took her out to the pasture so she could stretch her legs for the day.

Leaving Luna to graze in the field, she went to find Hange so she could share the good news. She found her sitting against a tree near the training grounds. Plopping down beside Hange, she gave her friend a grin.

Hange took in Isa’s excited expression. “What is it?”

Isa’s words came out in an excited rush. “I spoke with the head trainer this morning?”

Hange perked up at that. “And! What did he say?”

“He said I could keep Luna.”

Hange squealed and threw her arms around Isa. “That’s amazing. The two of you have such a great bond, I think she’ll be perfect for you when we go on expeditions.”

Isa felt grateful for Hange. After that first day when they’d met, she’d never again doubted that Hange was truly her friend. Chewing on her lip, she tried to figure out how to phrase what she wanted to say. “Hey Hange.”

Hange pulled back and looked at Isa through her goggles. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Hange’s brows knitted in confusion. “You’re welcome…for what?”

“For...for being my friend. I don’t know what I would have done without you all these years.” She did her best to keep the tears out of her voice, though the lump in her throat made it difficult.

Hange blinked at her friend, a little taken aback as Isa was not one to generally speak about her feelings. She quickly pulled Isa back in for a tight hug. “Don’t be silly, you don’t have to thank me for that.”

Leaning back against the tree, Isa rested her head on her best friend’s, no, her sister’s shoulder, comforted by the sound of her voice as she carried on in excitement about joining the scouts and finally being able to leave the walls, see titans and so on.

~ - ~

Later that morning, it was time for graduation, where the cadets would _finally_ learn who was in the top ten. The cadets had gathered around the stage that had been set up on the training grounds, as they awaited the results. Isa could feel the air was thick with tension and anticipation. She could hear the groups of cadets around her, all desperate to know who would be safe and who would become titan fodder.

All too soon, the instructors took their place at the center of stage, calling for attention from the cadets.

The head instructor spoke first. “As you know, today is the day we announce the cadets who have made the top ten. After today, you will have until tomorrow to make your decision as to which branch you lot will be choosing. As a reminder, you have, the Garrison, charged with guarding the walls, the Military Police, tasked with protecting the inner wall and the King, and finally, the Scouts, who risk their lives to venture out into the unknown, to try to learn more about the titans that plague us, with the hopes that one day we will be able to learn what they are, where they come from, why they’re here, and how to defeat them.”

During Isa’s time in training, she had learned that the instructor was a former scout, and meeting someone who had survived countless expeditions had inspired her and instilled a hope in her that perhaps she too could survive this. Isa had been grateful that they had been trained by someone who had some semblance of what they were doing. She could only imagine the disastrous results of being trained by someone from the Garrison, or worse, the Military Police.

She listened as he continued. “It is now time to learn which of you pathetic lot were the least disappointing.”

The head instructor nodded at one of the other instructors who stepped forward. In a bored voice, she spoke. “When I call your name, please step forward to the front.”

As the instructor droned through the names, Isa only paid attention to see where her friends placed. Hange placed second, which was no surprise there. Isa smiled as her friend took her place at the front. _She really deserves this._

Lucy and Sherri placed seventh and eighth, and Isa was ecstatic for her friends. Now they could choose the Military Police like they’d wanted.

What came as an utter surprise to Isa, was when the instructor called out the number ten spot.

“Number ten, Isa Tudor.”

_No way. No way I made the top ten. That’s…that’s not possible…right?_

Completely frozen in shock, Isa made no move to go stand with the rest of the top ten, vaguely aware that all eyes were on her. Taking initiative, Hange walked back to where Isa stood and grabbed her arm, dragging her up to take her place at the front.

Isa’s wide eyes met Hange’s, which were crinkled by the grin on her face.

Isa barely registered when the head instructor began to speak again. “These are the top ten of this class, and they will have the option of choosing to join the Military Police if they so choose. I say again, you have until tomorrow to choose. At the choosing ceremony, the commander of each branch will give a brief speech, after which you will need to have made your decision.” He gave a final, cursory glance to the cadets. He would never admit that this bunch held the most promise of all the groups he’d trained. “Dismissed.”

Isa still couldn’t believe it. She not only made the top ten, but she’d been named number one. Never in her wildest dreams would she have expected this to happen. She’d hoped, but had kept that hope buried, completely expecting it to be merely another dream that would never be fulfilled.

She looked at Hange again, finally allowing the news to sink in, a grin spreading on her face. “Let’s run to Trost. I want to share the news with Ethel.”

What both girls failed to notice, was the dark, glowering gaze full of hatred that followed Isa as the two girls left the training grounds.

The two girls made a quick trip to Trost, arriving within a couple of hours. They made their way to the teashop Isa had found a few months prior. Isa had managed to visit a couple of times since meeting Ethel, enjoying the feel of having a grandmother-like figure in her life. The older woman always made time for Isa, closing up shop and listening to stories from the past three years, over a cup of warm chamomile tea. Those days where Isa visited always left her feeling at peace.

They walked into the teashop where they saw Ethel was at the counter and gave Isa and Hange a warm smile when she saw the two girls.

“Girls!” The warmth in her tone ever present. “What a pleasant surprise. I was wondering if you would be able to stop by sometime soon. Isa dear, I was out at the market and I found something I think you’d like.”

“Oh Ethel, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Ethel tutted. “Hush now and let this old woman spoil you.”

“Before you do, Ethel, there’s something I want to share with you. Today was our graduation and they announced who made the top ten.” Isa couldn’t keep the grin off her face. “I made it. I actually made the top ten.”

The stunned joy on Ethel’s face brought tears to Isa’s eyes. The older woman drew Isa into a warm hug. “I just knew you could do it. I know I only met you a couple of months ago, but I could sense that you’re destined for great things.” She pulled back and cupped Isa’s face in her weathered hands. “You’re going to join the scouts aren’t you dear?”

“How did you—”

“Tsk, did you really think I couldn’t sense that? You long for freedom, I can tell.” She gave Isa a knowing look.

“You’re not going to tell me it’s a waste of time and that I’m a suicidal idiot?”

Ethel ruffled Isa’s braided hair. “Of course not dear. Why would I say that when my son was also a member of the Scouts?” A soft smile overtook her features. “I wouldn’t disrespect his memory that way."

This was news to Isa. The two had never spoken about their families, all Ethel knew is that Isa’s parents were murdered when she was younger.

“…Wait, you said _was_. Does that mean—”

The older woman’s eyes watered. “Yes, he died about ten years ago on an expedition. They were never able to bring back his body.”

“I’m so sorry Ethel.”

She waved off Isa’s apology. “Dear don’t fret. All I ask is that you train hard and take care of yourself out there. Now, Isa dear, wait here. I want to go get your gift.”

Ethel walked over behind the counter and pulled out two small boxes. She walked back over to Isa and gave one box to Isa, and one to Hange. “I got you one too Hange dear, I thought you girls might like these. Consider them graduation gifts.”

Isa opened the box, and inside was a small bottle of what appeared to be some sort of fragrance. She’d seen bottles like this before, lined up across the vanity of that horrid woman’s room. She would use it on her body to make herself smell like different things depending on her mood. Popping the lid, she sniffed the contents, and was comforted by the warm scents of chamomile and lavender. Isa looked at Hange and saw she had a similar bottle, but this one had a different design. _Must be a different scent then, makes sense._

At a loss for words, Isa pulled the older woman into a fierce hug. She’d never been given a gift before, not one that had meaning. She was forever grateful for the older woman in front of her.

“There, there dear, it’s going to be alright. Come now, let’s have a little tea and some snacks and celebrate. You girls deserve it after all that training.”

The trio spent the next couple of hours enjoying Ethel’s company over some freshly brewed tea. Isa begged Ethel to tell her stories about her son, Alex, and Ethel was all too happy to oblige.

All too soon, the girls had to return back to the training grounds so that they could be fresh and ready for the choosing ceremony tomorrow. Each girl received a large tin of tea, each one enough for two or three months, and a fierce hug from Ethel.

With tears in her eyes, Ethel gave Isa and Hange some final parting words. “You girls are good friends. Cherish that, cherish every moment. Take care of each other. And please, write and come visit when you can. I’m always here for you two.”

Isa gave Ethel a final hug and a watery _Thank you_. And with that, the two girls made their way back arriving just in time for dinner, before collapsing into bed for a long-needed sleep.

~ - ~

The next morning the cadets were eager for the choosing ceremony. The air was filled with anticipation and excitement again. The ceremony wouldn’t be until later that day, so the cadets were given free time to do with as they wished.

Isa and her three friends had decided to ride their horses out to a clearing in the forest they’d found back during training. They had stolen some potatoes and bread from the kitchen so they could snack while enjoying their free time.

The girls were currently laying side by side on the ground, horses grazing lazily behind them, as they watched clouds pass above them. They were reminiscing about their time in training, and Isa was surprised at just how many good memories she had. She’d entered training completely expecting to be alone, no friends, solely focused on training and training alone. But she’d somehow managed to find three people she considered to be close friends, even sisters to her. Even though she didn’t know if they saw her the same way, that didn’t change how she saw the three girls.

Isa’s favorite memory was when they’d been sent on their overnight exercise in the woods. The four girls had watched the stars above in this very spot, listening to Hange’s stories about the different shapes of the stars. Lucy and Sherri’s favorite story had been the more romantic one, which had received heartfelt sighs from the two girls. Isa’s favorite had been one that warned against being boastful and prideful. Hange had loved the story that cautioned against betrayal.

Isa had found that all these stories sounded more like cautionary tales that you would tell children so that they would behave, lest they be banished to the night sky for all eternity. Even still, they were interesting to hear.

As the day wore on, Isa could feel her mood change. It was strange, she was happy to be with her friends, happy that training was over, but there was a morose, forlorn feeling that threatened to overtake her joy. Isa didn’t know when they’d be able to see each other again. After tomorrow, the four girls would part ways, and they’d be busy with the next phase of their lives.

Again, those nagging thoughts plagued her mind, tearing her down piece by piece.

_What if they don’t want to stay in touch? I mean, I feel like we’ve been friends during training, but what if that was only for training. What if that was only to pass the time? I’m easily forgotten so what if they forget all our times we shared together, and I never hear from them again. Who am I kidding…they’ll probably stay in touch with Hange, but not me…why would they want to stay in touch with me?_

She sat up. “We should probably head back now, the choosing ceremony will start soon.” She tried to keep her voice neutral to hide any of the inner turmoil happening inside her at that moment.

Hange, who was now well-versed in all that is Isa, took note of her friend's tone. “Isa, are you alright?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be alright?” Isa’s voice was a little sharper than she’d intended.

Isa missed the shared look between Hange and the other two girls.

“Isa, you know you can talk to us, right? We’re your friends, we’re here for you and each other.”

Isa didn’t know how to express the sorrow bubbling inside her. Chewing on her lip, she wondered what she should say. “Just…promise me something.”

The other girls nodded in agreement, three pairs of eyes watching the girl in front of them.

Terrified of rejection, she kept her eyes on the ground. She struggled to keep the tears out of her voice as she said, “Promise me that we’ll stay in touch. We can write to each other, and…” She had to pause to take a breath when her voice trembled, “…maybe there will be times where we can all get together again.”

The three girls looked at each other and then simultaneously drew Isa into a giant hug.

“Of course, Isa, we wouldn’t have it any other way. We all want the same.” Sherri's warm words comforted Isa, easing the nagging fears.

~ - ~

Finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for. The choosing ceremony. All the cadets gathered around the stage on the training grounds as they had the day before, only this time, instead of the instructors, the commanders of each regiment were present.

Isa took in the commanders as they stood in front of all the cadets. There was the Military Police commander. A tall man with dark hair and a goatee, he wore a red bolo tie. Isa thought that he looked the least intimidating of the three. Whether or not that had to do with her bias against the Military Police, she did not know, nor did she care.

The next commander was the commander of the Garrison. He was a serious looking man, though Isa thought that he had kind eyes with a bald head, and a thick mustache. She’d heard about this commander, and from what she’d heard, he was a relatively respectable man. If she weren’t so committed to joining the Scouts, Isa would be willing to join the Garrison.

Finally, Isa took in the only commander she cared about. The commander of the Scouts. This man had intimidating eyes and thinning hair. He sported a thick goatee and was the only commander who had another person standing beside him. This man was tall, with blond hair, and piercing blue eyes that surveyed _everything_. She didn’t think there was a detail this man missed. The thing that stood out to Isa the most, were his eyebrows. She didn’t think she’d ever seen a man with such thick eyebrows. Both men were brown jackets with the wings of freedom. Isa’s heart leapt in excitement at how close she was to owning her own jacket with the wings of freedom.

She idly listened to the first two commanders speak about how it’s an honor to join their regiment, and how each one contributes to the safety and well-being of Humanity, though she didn’t retain anything that was said. She didn’t care what they had to say. Nothing in their speeches would sway her or change her mind.

Finally, the Scouts Commander, Keith Shadis, began speaking. He spoke of the Scouts’ mission, which was to learn where the titans come from. He, unlike the other commanders, spoke of the dangers of joining the Scouts. Isa could appreciate that he wanted to make sure that anyone joining, knew that there was the risk that they’d die in the first expedition, though she also thought that was a rather obvious fact. He even went as far as to say that being skilled or being a veteran didn’t make a soldier safe. He’d seen strong veterans die from making an error, a miscalculation. All it takes is one wrong move and that’s it.

Even with the ominous tone of Commander Shadis’ speech, Isa was as resolved as ever to join.

After all the speeches had concluded, the head instructor took the stage.

“First we’ll call up the recruits for the Garrison. Those of you wishing to join the Garrison, please follow Commander Pixis.”

The majority of the cadets followed the Garrison Commander off the grounds to the wagons with the Garrison symbol, two roses. They would now be making their way to the Garrison base for assignment.

“Next we’ll call up those of the top ten who will be joining the Military Police. Please follow Commander Dok.”

Isa wanted to see her two friends one last time. She craned her neck to find them, and when she did, she was surprised to see that they weren’t following the Commander. They gave her sheepish smiles.

_What are they doing? Why aren’t they following the Military Police Commander? If they don’t follow now, then that means…_

“The remaining cadets, congratulations, you’ve joined the Scouts. Commander Shadis would like to have some final words before taking you to your horses, where you’ll make way to the Scouts’ base.”

Isa was in shock. Her two friends, the ones who’d been so adamant about joining the Military Police, were joining the Scouts? Isa could not fathom why they would make such a strong change in decision. She couldn’t ask them just yet, she would have to wait until they were on their way to the Scouts’ base.

_I can’t believe they didn’t join the Military Police. This is insane. They know they could die right?…I don’t want them to die. What if I can't protect them?_

Isa had to force herself out of her mind to pay attention to Commander Shadis’ speech, saluting her new commander as the rest of comrades did the same.

“Cadets, today you join the Scouts in our mission to expand our territory outward. I say again, the vast majority of you will most likely not make it past the first expedition.” He paused to let that sink in. “The few who were in the top ten and decided to join, don’t assume you’re in the clear. Veteran scouts far more skilled than you have perished at the hands of titans. That being said, your imminent deaths will not be in vain. Once we arrive on base, we will have about a month before we head out on our first expedition. You will be assigned to squads based on your abilities and skill levels, which we will be assessing over the next couple of weeks. If you will follow myself and Squad Leader Erwin, we will begin our trek to headquarters.”

The cadets that were left, maybe around twenty or so, followed the Commander and Squad Leader over to the horses. Isa could barely contain her excitement when she saw Luna saddled up and ready to go, though her excitement was muddled by the fear lingering in her mind as she thought of her friends. Everyone mounted their horses, and began the trek away from the training grounds, and to the Scouts’ base.

Isa nudged Luna beside Lucy, Sherri, and Hange. “You guys, what…why…”

Lucy gave Isa a sheepish grin. “For a long time we thought hard about your reasons behind joining the Scouts, and we realized that you were right. The things you said, we’d never thought about, and your reasons for joining the Scouts made more sense than our reason for joining the Military Police. So we decided we wanted to join the Scouts. We…we want to make a difference.”

“Even though you guys may die? You’ve thought about that right?” Isa didn’t mean to be so blunt, so harsh, but her fear for her friends’ lives was bubbling up. She had mentally prepared herself for years about the risk that she and Hange were taking. But this was so sudden, so out of the ordinary. She hadn’t expected her words to weigh so heavily on her friends, to the point where they’d actually change their minds.

_If…if something happens to them…it’ll be my fault._

Sherri tried to reassure her friend. “Isa, we thought this through, for quite a while actually. We promise, this is what we want.”

“Why didn’t you guys say something earlier? When I asked to stay in touch?” Her voice grew testier with each word.

Sherri shrank at the harsh tone. “We wanted it to be a surprise and…we thought you’d talk us out of it.”

“Damn right I would have tried to talk you out of this. I know what I’m getting into. Hange knows.” Isa was angry now. She knew she was being irrational, but frankly, she didn’t care. “Dammit guys, you could be safe in the interior right now.”

Now Lucy was pissed. Her brows furrowed at Isa’s comment, and her voice chilled the air around them as she spoke. “A little hypocritical don’t you think Isa? When we said that to you, you went off about how terrible it is in the interior.”

“Well I—”

“No. This was our choice. We’re not going to regret it. Whatever you’re afraid of, _stop._ It’s going to be ok. Even if we die, it’ll be fine, because we died fighting for something bigger than all of us. So stop with the bullshit.”

Isa huffed, and faced forward.

Sherri, the calmer one between her and Lucy, spoke up again. “Isa, we know you’re worried, and we...we understand. We’re going to do our best to survive. We just realized we wanted to be part of something bigger than me, or Lucy, or our families.”

“Sherri what about your dad? I thought he forbade—”

“My dad has no say in the matter. This is my choice. Lucy helped me to come to this decision, and…it’s what I want.” The brief hesitation went unnoticed to the others.

Isa’s shoulders dropped at Sherri’s words. “I…I know…and I understand. I just…” She didn’t know how to express the fear chilling the blood in her veins, at how worried she was about them, that she was afraid that they would die, and it would be her fault.

Lucy gave her friend a small smile. “Isa, we understand. We’ve spent the last three years with you. We _know_. It’s going to be okay.”

Isa was forever grateful for her three friends who understood how she felt, even when she herself didn’t.

Hange, ever the one to try to break the tension. “Come on guys, just think, now we get to be together in the Scouts. Think of all the trouble and fun we’re going to have.”

Hange’s energy, as always, was contagious, and Isa giggled. “We’re going to drive our superiors crazy.”

Even Lucy smiled at that. “Batshit crazy.”

And just like that, the four girls had moved on. Isa was still worried about the safety of her friends, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it now. Smiling with her friends, she made a promise to herself.

_I will do everything I can to protect you guys. I promise._


	3. First Expedition-Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so I have another chapter for you. This was technically supposed to go up yesterday (Friday)...but I got caught up adding an additional scene and I had to make sure it fit in the chapter...sooooo it's here now.
> 
> I want to preface this chapter with the following warning: There will be a sexual assault scene in this chapter. 
> 
> That particular scene will be brief in this chapter, but I wanted to go ahead and throw that warning out there. The only warnings I plan to include directly before a chapter, will be for ones that include sexual assault. Everything else I'm going to do my best to include directly in the tags.

Isa was not surprised at all to find that training with the Scouts was far more excruciating than training as a cadet. The first couple of weeks the new recruits were taken through a variety of drills that made the drills as cadets look like child’s play.

The running they did as cadets? Tripled with the scouts. They were pushed harder in ODM training. New techniques were taught. They were thrown in with different squads each day and had to integrate themselves with the different scouts. Each squad had different routines, different approaches, and the recruits needed to learn how to adapt to different situations.

All the planning in the world didn’t mean shit when you were outside the walls and titans popped up when you least expected.

Isa also wasn’t surprised that the vast majority of the scouts were far superior in their skills than even the person holding the number one spot in the top ten. They were no joke. The best of the best.

She’d expected no less.

What she hadn’t expected was the note she’d found on her bed the night after they’d arrived on base.

_Isa_

_You stupid bitch. How fucking dare you. You took my spot. You didn’t deserve that spot in the top ten. And you fucking wasted it. You took a spot in the top ten and then joined the Scouts? The fuck was the point of that? Are you out to get me? Trying to ruin my life? Well fuck you. I’m going to make your life a living_ _hell._

_When I’m done with you, you’re going to wish for something as merciful as death._

_Watch your back bitch._

She’d definitely been unnerved by the note but hadn’t paid much mind to it. Someone who could only send a note was obviously too cowardly to actually do anything about it. She didn’t even bother bringing it up to her friends. She had just thrown the note into a drawer in her nightstand and forgotten about it.

She needed to focus on training in any case.

After one particularly gruesome day of training, she found herself curled up in Luna’s stall after dinner, satchel in a heap beside her where it had fallen from her hands before she’d promptly collapsed.

Groaning, she looked up at the mare standing above her. “Remind me again why I chose to join the Scouts?”

Isa was certain that if the mare could, she would be raising a brow and sending her a bland look.

Sighing, she nestled herself further into the hay. “I know I know. Do this and that and more. Am I always this annoying?”

Luna gave her that same look and Isa glared back. “You’re supposed to be on my side you know. Or do you want me to stop bringing you carrots?”

At the mention of carrots, Luna threw back her head, huffing in apology.

“Yea, that’s what I thought traitor.” But the words held no malice.

Pulling out her journal from her satchel, Isa sat in comfortable silence, willing the aches in her muscles to go away.

~ - ~

At the end of their first two weeks, the four girls collapsed in their barracks after another grueling day of training.

Lucy groaned, having collapsed on her bed facedown. Her voice was muffled by her pillow. “Isa is it just me, or does each day somehow get even harder?

“Nope not just you.” Isa sat on her bed, leaning back against the wall, not even having bothered to remove her boots.

“Well that’s reassuring. At least I’m not just a weakling.”

“No you are that.”

Lucy groaned and gave her a rude hand gesture, not even bothering to look up, just waving it in the general direction of Isa’s voice. “Fuck off Isa.”

Isa and Hange laughed, the lack of energy behind the insult an indication at how exhausted Lucy was.

Sherri couldn’t even make it up to the top bunk that was her bed, and had just flopped on the floor. “At least we’re finally going to get placed into squads tomorrow. All this work will finally have some meaning.”

Lucy groaned. “I don’t even want to think about that. I can only imagine we’ll be pushed even more once we’re on squads. I just hope I’m not on Flagon’s or Smith’s squads. They look like the type who’d be sadistic in their training.”

Hange was laughing even harder at the thought, tears now pooling in the corners of her eyes. “Guys, please, no, my stomach hurts too much to laugh.”

Sherri said with a sly grin, “I actually wouldn’t mind being in Squad Leader Erwin’s squad. He’s…kinda attractive. It wouldn’t be hard to pay attention to him with how easy he is on the eyes.”

Isa sat up at that. “Sherri what is wrong with you? He’s a superior.”

Isa hated to admit that she agreed, the man had fierce, piercing blue eyes, and his build and height didn’t exactly hurt…but she wasn’t about to admit that. He was a commanding officer, and for Isa, that was all that mattered.

Lucy rolled her eyes at her friend. “Oh come on Isa, don’t be a prude, don’t tell us you haven’t thought of how attractive that man is.”

Isa glared at Lucy, but its effect was watered down by the way her face flushed. “Well…I…That is completely beside the point.”

_The nerve. Just because I point out that he’s a superior hardly means I’m a prude._

Lucy threw her head back and laughed. “You can’t even deny it, oh this is perfect. I half wondered if there’d ever be someone you’d find attractive.”

“Well to be fair, I was a good four years older than most of the other cadets. I’m not into children.” Isa’s haughty tone only made Lucy laugh even harder. Hange was a lost cause at this point, there was no stopping her laughter. She was rolling around on the bed, hands on her stomach, gasping for air in between chortles.

Isa felt slightly betrayed that Hange was laughing at her expense. She sent a glare to her friend, which went completely unnoticed.

“Well Isa, now you have no excuse now.” Sherri’s voice had taken a teasing lilt. “You have plenty of attractive scouts to choose from, who are all older than you. So tell us, seen any that have caught your eye?”

Isa chewed at her lip. “Well…I…” Obviously Isa had found some of the other scouts attractive…but it was all pointless to her. None of them would want her, so why even bother trying. “Okay dammit, yes.”

Sherri sent Isa a smug look. “You find Erwin attractive don’t you.”

Isa wanted to wipe the shit-eating grin off of Sherri’s face. Glaring at her friend, she bit out, “Is it insubordination to find a superior attractive?”

Lucy just laughed at the question. “Probably, but who fucking cares. It’s just us.”

Isa groaned. “Fine, yes, I find a superior attractive, but I would never do or try anything, because that is crossing the line. Absolutely not. Besides, he’s well into his thirties. As attractive as he may be, I’m also not into older men.”

_Is this what normal friends talk about? I don’t even know how to talk about this stuff…I don’t even want to talk about this. At least not about him. The man is a superior. This is completely inappropriate. Even if I’ve found some of the other scouts attractive, I haven’t found any that I’d want to do anything with…not that they’d want to do anything with me in any case. How the hell did we even manage to get on this topic?_

“Yea but think about how _experienced_ he is. And he looks so serious all the time, you just _know_ he knows how to please a woman in bed.” A dreamy look had overtaken Sherri’s face.

Isa choked. “Sherri, what the fuck?” She could not believe the words that just came out of her friend’s mouth. Isa found the wolfish grin on Sherri’s face disturbing.

_She did not just say that! About a superior! We should not be imagining our superiors and their skills in bed. Nope, this is just completely inappropriate. How the hell do I change topics without it being obvious I’m trying to change topics?_

Sherri shrugged, grinning. “What, don’t tell me you haven’t wondered about him. A man his age is going to have so much experience to draw from, and you just know you’d leave his bed satisfied.”

Isa didn’t think her face could get any redder as she gaped at the younger girl. “Sherri, for the love of…that man is old enough to be your father! You’re not even eighteen!”

“Maybe I have daddy issues.”

Isa’s eyes widened, and she buried her face in her hands. “I can’t listen to this anymore.”

“Isa…you’re not still a virgin are you?” Lucy’s voice was incredulous at the thought.

Isa peeked out from in between her fingers to glare at Lucy. “I…well…that’s not any of your business now is it.”

“Damn I know we were all focused on training, but even me and Sherri managed to lose it.”

“I’m not having this conversation, nope, just no. I’m done. I’m going to go shower.”

Hange at this point was completely red in the face as she struggled to catch her breath from laughing so hard, and between gasps she managed to force out. “I’ll bet you are. Just don’t have any inappropriate thoughts about our Squad Leader while you do that.”

Isa was beyond flustered at this point. “Oh my…you…guys are ridiculous. Goodbye.” She slammed the door shut on her way out.

Her friends’ cackles followed her all the way to the shower. She managed to avoid them the rest of the night, needing a break from the horror that was that conversation.

_Sure I’ve thought about sex before, I mean who hasn’t? But I would never imagine myself in that position with a superior, a commanding officer. I’ve also never found a guy who would be worth imagining doing that sort of stuff with. The majority of the male cadets were too young for me, so they were completely off limits, and the few that were around my age, I just wasn’t interested in. Before that, I’d never even been around guys before. And even still, I just…is it even possible for someone to want to do that sort of stuff with me?_

_Is it that strange that I’m still a virgin?_

~ - ~

Isa had hoped that the next day her friends would drop the whole topic, but of course, she was wrong.

Lucy, the pesterer that she was, refused to relent. “Isa, now that you’re a scout, you should probably get laid at least once. I mean…you don’t want to die a virgin do you?” She rested her arm on Isa’s shoulder.

Irked at the height difference, Isa shook of Lucy’s arm. “Of course not, but…just no…I’m not having this conversation. My sex life is none of your concern. I feel wrong even talking about this with you when neither of you are eighteen.”

She also didn’t want to admit to her friends that she didn’t think there’d ever be a man who’d want her. She didn’t want to hear the usual uplifting comments that she received from her friends in times of self-doubt, which were well-meant, yet did nothing to change the fact that she felt the way she did. She’d yet to see any proof that contradicts how she sees herself, so how is she supposed to change how she feels?

Even though she’d refused to listen to anything those people told her, eventually, when you hear the same words over and over again, they start to stick, digging their barbed thorns in you and growing like a weed that spreads and feeds all over.

_Isa, you’re never going to get a man if you act and dress that way._

_Isa what man is going to choose to want a woman like you? No, the only way you end up with someone is if we arrange it. That is to come eventually._

_Isa a girl as plain looking as you will never amount to anything. You should be grateful we’re even helping you._

_Isa, your hair is dreadful, we’ve told you time and time again that the braid does nothing for you. I don’t know why you don’t let the maids do your hair._

_Isa if you cannot contain yourself, you’re going to end up alone. No amount of arranging can change that if you don’t act as a noblewoman._

_Isa that dress looks horrid on you, have you gained weight? Goodness, we just had that fitted. We’re going to have to start watching what you eat more closely._

And on and on and on.

At first, she’d brushed off their words, but eventually, the weed took hold, and she started to wonder if she would be alone forever, if she was unlovable, undesirable, unwanted.

She hated even thinking that way, because odds are, she would die as a scout, and none of that would matter.

But at some point, _more everything,_ started to take on an additional meaning.

Thankfully, Commander Shadis had arrived to give them their assignments, ceasing the conversation, and her thoughts, from continuing. The squad leaders were standing next to him, intimidating expressions on their faces.

Isa couldn’t even look at Squad Leader Erwin without thinking of what Sherri said the night before. The recruits all saluted their superiors as they waited for their assignments.

Command Shadis looked over the new recruits with beady eyes. “Recruits, we’ve evaluated your performance over the past couple of weeks, as well as looked over the head instructor’s notes and have decided your placement.”

The Commander placed Isa, Sherri, and Derek with Squad Leader Flagon. Lucy, Uma, and Hange were placed with Squad Leader Erwin. Isa was relieved that she wouldn’t be placed under the command of Squad Leader Erwin. After that conversation last night, she’d prefer to never have to speak to him.

The remaining recruits would all be placed under the command of Team Leaders.

Isa tried to remember how the hierarchy in the Scouts worked. If she recalled correctly, the Commander was at the top, obviously. Directly beneath him were Squad Leaders. Each Squad Leader was in charge of not only their own squad, but the Team Leaders directly below them. Each Team Leader was in charge of their own Team.

The Scouts with the most skill or the most promise were chosen directly by Squad Leaders for their own personal squad. Isa and her friends must have made an impression on the higher ups, seeing as they were assigned to squads instead of teams.

Isa smiled to herself. _Off to a promising start already. I can do this._

After the meeting concluded, they split off with their respective Squad Leader for further assignment.

Squad Leader Flagon led the new recruits over to the forest where the rest of his squad was waiting.

“Recruits, introduce yourself and state where you come from.”

Isa, Sherri, and Derek all took turns in introducing themselves to their new comrades. In Flagon’s squad, there was a man named Sairam, and two other girls, Sofia and Ingrid.

_Well that explains why we were assigned directly to Flagon’s squad. It’s pretty small without us. They must have just had a loss._

Flagon explained that today, the recruits would be integrated into the squad, and he needed to see their abilities further in action. The previous weeks, the recruits had worked with various different teams. Now that they’ve been assigned to his squad, he needed to see how they worked with his other squad members.

They set off into the forest to start taking down the titan dummies that were set up. Isa was paired with Sairam. They came across their first titan hiding behind a grove of trees, arms sticking out, ready to attack.

“Here runt, let me show the princess from Mitras how it’s done.”

That irked Isa so much, that in a boost of speed, she sped past Sairam, neatly slicing the nape of the dummy before Sairam could so much as blink.

_That’ll show you, pretentious little bastard._

“Hey, what was that!”

“Just reminding you that size and where you come from doesn’t matter when it comes to killing titans. You should keep that in mind.”

 _Why is it that he's judging me just because I come from Mitras. That doesn’t mean shit outside the walls. It’s not like a titan is going to care which wall I come from. They’re not going to look at me and go, ‘oh look, it’s a Mitras citizen, better not eat her.’ No. I have just as much of a risk of dying as any other scout. That sort of bias is the shit you’d expect from people_ in _Mitras, not outside of Mitras. I guess where you come from doesn’t matter when it comes to being an asshole._

_Just because I’m from Mitras, doesn’t mean I can’t hold my own against titans…I hope._

“Why you little—”

“Isa! Sairam! Focus!”

“Yes sir.” Sairam fixed his glare on Isa.

Refusing to be intimidated by the black haired scout, she met his glare with one of her own. “If it’s alright with you, and not too much of a bother, we can work as a team, like we were assigned to do.” She watched as his teeth set at her haughty tone.

“Fine.”

Even though he reluctantly agreed, Isa still ended up competing more with Sairam than actually working with him.

 _His arrogance will be the death of him out there if he isn’t careful. Or worse, one of his comrades._

It wasn’t until the end of training that Sairam finally seemed to grasp the concept of working with Isa instead of competing with her. When they came across titan dummies in clusters, instead of him cutting Isa off, he would actually call out which ones he was aiming for, allowing Isa to maneuver towards the remaining titans.

It wasn’t perfect, but at least there was improvement.

Flagon would alternate between ODM training and endurance training. At random times, he would call for them to run laps, and they had to do so with their ODM gear, making the new recruits more sluggish than normal. They did receive a short lunch break, and then it was back to training.

_Makes sense to have us do this. If we’re stuck out there, we need to be able to run with our gear on. We can’t exactly just take it off whenever we want. Without it, we’re completely vulnerable…doesn’t make this suck any less though._

Finally, Flagon ended training. He assigned replacing the rubber napes to the new recruits, while dismissing the others.

They made quick work of it, and then Isa and Sherri made their way to the showers before meeting Lucy and Hange at the mess hall for dinner. Lucy and Hange were already seated, and Isa was surprised to see Uma sitting with them.

_They must have gotten along well today. I never really got to speak with her much while we were cadets._

Sherri and Isa sat with the three other girls to enjoy the usual dinner of bread and stew with meat. Suddenly ravenous Isa dug in, while she listened to the other girls share their experience in training.

Lucy was currently struggling to raise her spoon to her mouth. “I’m telling you. The man is a sadist. He has to be. There’s no other explanation for why he’d torture his squad members.”

Isa rolled her eyes at her friend’s complaints. “Or maybe he wants to make sure you don’t die out there and to do that you have to be in top physical condition.”

_It’s like they’ve forgotten that we’re training hard to make sure we don’t get shoved down a titan’s throat the minute we step foot outside the walls. Does the intensity of training suck? Hell yes. Do I care? Hell no._

“Isa can’t you just let me have one thing.”

“No.”

“…I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Lucy glared at Isa and then rolled her eyes. “Well I don’t care what you say, even if it makes sense. I bet he’s even a bit sadistic in bed too.”

Isa choked on the bite of food she’d just put in her mouth. “Lucy what the fuck. We _talked_ about this. Can we not talk about our superiors that way?”

 _This_ again _? What is with them? Is this all they ever think about now?_

Lucy pouted. “Dammit Isa, can’t I have some fun.”

“Not if it means talking about our superior’s sex lives…so no.”

Giving up on trying to eat, she put her spoon down, and rested her head on her hands, elbows resting on the table as she teased Isa. “Come on, don’t deny it. I bet you’ve been wondering since last night what the man’s like in bed. You even admitted you found him attractive.”

Uma perked at that. “You find Squad Leader Erwin attractive Isa?”

She crossed her arms as she grumbled. “I only said that to get them to shut up and leave me alone. Talking about ridiculous nonsense as if we aren’t training to make sure we don’t die the minute we step foot outside the walls.”

Uma hummed. “Yet your red face says otherwise,” the teasing note in her voice set Isa’s teeth on edge.

Isa glared at Uma. “Not you too. Why do we even bother talking about this stuff?” Groaning, she let her head rest on the table, not wanting to meet her friends’ eyes.

Lucy looked at Isa blandly. “Because it’s one of the few things that keeps us sane when we’re training _to make sure we don’t die the minute we step foot outside the walls_.”

She turned her head sideways on the table to glare at Lucy. “Really…you had to copy me word for word?”

“Just so you could hear how ridiculous you sound.”

“Now _I_ hate you.”

“Is she always like this?” Uma asked.

Hange, who had been watching the entire exchange in amusement, merely said, “Yes.” not even bother to ask to whom Uma was referring. The answer was the same.

A deep voice spoke up behind Isa. “I can assure you Recruit Lucy, that while not really any of your concern, I am not a sadist.”

The sight of five pairs of eyes boggling at Squad Leader Erwin would have been funny to Isa in any other situation, if she wasn’t currently in said situation.

 _Holy shit, what are the odds of this actually happening? Why does this happen to me? I’m just glad that it wasn’t_ me _saying those ridiculous things…_

Lucy's face had paled at the realization that her comments had not been for her friends’ ears only. “Squad Leader I—”

Erwin held up a hand. “Save it recruit. I only came over to inform you three that we will be meeting in the forest tomorrow bright and early and to be prepared for ODM training with horses.”

Shrinking in her seat, she gave a weak, "Yes sir.” Lucy’s voice, which had been confident and teasing only moments earlier, was now meek, the embarrassment written all over her face.

“And thirty laps for the three of you tomorrow. Maybe that will keep your mind occupied, instead of worrying about menial things.” With that, Erwin walked off. As an after thought he called back behind him, “those laps need to be done before the start of training, or I’ll tack on an additional thirty.”

Isa gave a smug look at Lucy. “I told you so. You shouldn’t have been running your mouth about those sorts of things.”

Lucy glared at Isa. “I told _you_ so. The man is a sadist.”

Sherri was dreamily watching Erwin walk off. “He has such a nice walk.”

Isa banged her head against the table. “You guys are hopeless.” She looked at Uma. “I am in desperate need of changing this subject, so I’m going to shamelessly use you for that. What happened to your friends?”

Uma giggled at Isa's desperation. “Well two of my friends ended up joining the Garrison when they didn’t make the top ten. One actually managed to make the top ten, and so she joined the Military Police.” Uma seemed proud of her friends for entering into those branches.

“What made you want to join the Scouts?”

“I want to see what’s out there. I feel like there’s more to the story than what they’re telling us, so I’d like to find out for myself.”

“Geez Uma, you sound like Isa. That’s the last thing we need is another one of her.”

“Fuck off Lucy.”

“Love you too Isa.”

Uma chuckled. “Well I did happen to overhear Isa that day in the mess hall when she was telling you guys about her reasons for joining the Scouts, and well, they really resounded with me and made sense. I want to know more.”

Isa grimaced. “Seriously, another one? I need to keep my mouth shut. Apparently these two here joined the Scouts because of what I said. If I hadn’t said anything, these two would be in the interior with the Military Police.” Isa glared at her two friends.

Lucy placed her arm around Isa’s shoulder. “Yea but you’d miss us too much. Admit it, you’re glad that we’re here.”

She shook Lucy off of her. “Right now I’d be glad if you kept your arm off my shoulder.”

“Aww but you’re the perfect height for it.” Lucy pouted.

Isa stood up from her seat. “Okay, I’ve had enough of this, I’m going to the stables to see Luna, and then going to bed.” She dropped off her dishes and walked out of the mess hall.

~ - ~

The next couple of weeks went by without any trouble. Isa woke up each morning, trained with her squad, ate food, sat in Luna's stall while writing in her journal, and slept. Some nights Isa would wake up from a nightmare and would be unable to fall asleep. Those nights were spent sipping a cup of Ethel’s chamomile tea up on the roof, watching the stars move across the sky.

She hadn’t received any other notes, so she assumed that the person was indeed nothing more than a coward, and it had simply been an empty threat meant to scare her. She couldn’t blame herself for making the top ten. She hadn’t even tried. Most likely the person behind the note was just angry and trying to find someone else to place the blame on.

Besides, she had bigger issues to deal with. Along with the nightmares, the upcoming expedition was keeping her up at night. It wasn’t her life she was worried about. She was fearful for Lucy and Sherri. Even though they made the top ten, that didn’t mean shit outside the walls. Even the Commander had acknowledged this in his speech. No one was invincible.

Her two friends were taking training seriously at least. She was impressed at the integrity of her comrades. That she could be grateful of. She remembered in the three years of training how many of her fellow cadets would blow off training, not caring since they were planning to stay as far away from titans as possible.

She desperately hoped she’d be able to somehow protect her friends. They had joined the scouts because her words had triggered the insane part inside them. If they die, it would be her fault. She’d have to live with the knowledge that she’d led her friends to their deaths.

At least Hange had already been set on joining the Scouts. She just couldn’t get these nagging thoughts out of her head. She would have thought she’d be used to them, but she wasn't, at all. These new thoughts were more consuming and more prevalent.

She hated that Sherri was in Erwin’s squad and not her own.

Speaking of squads, Isa could not stand Sairam. He had his head so far up their Squad Leader’s ass, it was ridiculous. She was grateful that she’d been paired with Sofia. No way in hell she’d survive if she had to rely on Sairam. The bastard was too pretentious and arrogant for his own good. She didn’t understand what his issue was. He seemed fine with everyone else, but for some reason, he was a dick to Isa.

Flagon paired off his squad members based on who worked best with each other. She had learned his plan for handling titans. Since squads were often on their own on expeditions, their squad leaders needed to have some form of battle plan when chaos happened. Depending on the situation, he would send off pairs to handle titans based on the skills he thought would be needed to down the titans.

As far as plans go, Isa didn’t think it was terrible. He seemed to have paid close enough attention to which squad members were compatible with each other. No one wants unnecessary deaths, and Isa appreciated that he didn’t just throw together random members in random situations in the hopes that everything worked out alright.

Isa could only hope that things don’t go awry in this first expedition.

~ - ~

The day before the expedition was a free day. Commander Shadis apparently liked to give a day of recuperation before an expedition, to give the scouts time to rest up so they’d be ready to go the day of. They were free to do what they wished, be that train, travel to another district, it didn’t really matter. So long as they were ready to go in the morning, he didn’t care.

Isa decided she wanted to give Ethel a visit, just so she could say good-bye…in case she didn’t make it tomorrow. As morbid as it sounded, it would make her feel better to have done that.

She woke up early, before all her friends, so she could make it to Trost and back and still have a little time to run through the ODM course a few times.

She made sure to leave them a note letting them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry.

While on her way to the stables, Isa made a quick stop at the kitchen to steal a carrot for Luna. The mare deserved it for all the hard work she’d put in.

The mare greeted her as usual, sticking her head out over the stall door, excited as always.

Isa gave the mare’s nose a rub, feeding her the treat. “You want to go for a ride today?” She laughed when Luna’s head bobbed up and down. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

She made quick work of tacking up the mare, and soon, they were off.

Isa loved these moments where she got to take Luna on rides, just for fun. Out in the open fields, she let the mare stretch out her legs in a full gallop, knowing how much her horse loved to run. As the air whipped across her face, she felt at peace in the rare moment.

Luna was fast when she got up to speed, and soon, they arrived at the gates of Trost, where Isa settled Luna into one of the open stalls. Paying the fee for the stall, she made her way into Trost.

Every time she came into Trost, she was as amazed as she was the first time. There was always something new to see, something new to admire.

Citizens haggling over the price of goods with merchants.

Children running ahead of their parents, excited to reach the next destination.

Families sitting out on the grass, enjoying a small picnic together in the sun.

Laughter, love, just plain _fun_ filling the air.

She stopped at one of the merchants to pick up a new journal. The one she had was practically full. Considering as much as she wrote in it, she was surprised it hadn’t filled up sooner. She settled on a simple one that was cheap enough for her budget, but would do the job and hold up. The merchant wrapped up the journal in some brown paper, tying it off with some twine. She thanked him, and then made her way back into the streets, now heading to Ethel’s.

The little bell above the door of Ethel’s teashop jangled as she entered. Ethel poked her head out from underneath the counter, and squealed with delight at the sight of Isa.

Running over as fast as her old legs could carry, she soon had Isa wrapped in a warm hug. “I was wondering when you were coming to see me again. It’s been too long.”

Feeling a little guilty, she returned the hug and quickly apologized. “I’ve been so busy with training, I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to visit.”

Ethel tutted. “Now there’s no need to apologize. Don’t forget that my son was a scout, so I know how it is. I just meant to say I missed you.” She pulled back now to look at Isa, hands cupping the girl’s cheeks. “How about a cup of tea, and some snacks, and then you can tell me all about your days since joining the scouts?”

Soon, Isa had a warm cup of chamomile tea as she sat on the small couch Ethel had in the back room, and enjoyed some of the treats the older woman had made earlier that day to sell.

As they sat, Isa told Ethel about the training and how it was far more gruesome than what she’d experienced as a cadet. Ethel laughed at Isa’s description of Sairam, and she told Isa that Alex, her son, had had to deal with the occasional awful comrade, but they had generally pulled through on expeditions. No one wanted to die out there…or be the cause of someone’s death.

When Isa talked about Sherri and Lucy, Ethel sensed her struggle.

“Isa, are you worried about them?”

“…A little.” Isa avoided Ethel's gaze as tears started to prick in her eyes.

Ethel gave Isa a knowing glance. “By a little, you mean a lot. You don’t have to hide it from me dear. It’s okay to share your fears and worries with someone.”

“Okay, yea a lot.” Isa sniffled, as she tried to hold back the tears. “It’s just…I feel like it’s because of me that they even decided to join the Scouts. They spent all our training, hell bent on making the top ten so they could join the Military Police, and then changed their mind because of something I said.” A few tears escaped and trickled down her cheek. She quickly wiped them away, hating that she was crying in front of someone.

“And you think that if they die, it’ll be your fault.”

Isa nodded.

Ethel sighed. “Isa dear, it sounds like they made their choice to join. Regardless of if your words changed their minds or not, it was still their choice. Besides, someone doesn’t completely change their mind if they weren’t already doubting their choice to begin with. If they die, it will be because of the titans, not because of something you said.

“But—”

“No buts, dear. I think you should trust their judgment, and that they came to this decision on their own, taking into full consideration the risks.”

More tears ran down her cheeks now. “I know, I just can’t _help_ but worry. I don’t want anything to happen to them.”

Ethel scooched closer to Isa and wrapped her in a strong hug. “We never want someone we care for to get hurt, but it’s part of life. We live and we die. It’s how we live that makes us who we are. If we cherish the time we have with others, that’s all that matters.”

She relished the older woman’s hug, enjoying the simple comfort.

_Maybe she has a point._

When it was time to go, Ethel swiftly placed two more tins of chamomile tea into Isa’s hands.

“Ethel, you’re spoiling me.”

“You deserve it, besides I don’t have any grandchildren to spoil, so you can be my surrogate granddaughter.”

Isa’s tears welled at the thought of being considered someone’s granddaughter. “You…you really think that?”

Ethel gave Isa a warm smile, and ran a hand down her hair. “Of course dear. Now, you should get going. I want you rested and well for tomorrow. And come back to visit soon.”

Isa pulled the older woman into another hug. “I will.” And with that, she said goodbye, and walked out of the shop.

As she made her way through Trost to get Luna, she was stopped by an older man.

He looked down on her, took note of her jacket with the wings of freedom on the arm and back. “You’re a scout, aren’t you?”

Something in his tone had Isa’s teeth setting on edge. “I am.” Her tone curt, and matter of fact.

The man glared down at her. “The nerve of you to even show your face here. You do nothing but waste our tax dollars. I don’t understand why the government even allows you idiots to even keep leaving the walls. You all just end up dying out there for nothing."

Isa’s own eyes narrowed at the man’s words. Arms crossed, she shifted her weight onto one leg. “You should be grateful we’re even going out there. We risk our lives to learn more about the titans.” Isa tilted her head further so that the man could feel the full force of her stern glare, hating that she was so much shorter than him. “So while yes, we may die out there, it’s never for no reason. It’s better than sitting on our asses just waiting for the day the titans knock down our walls, which is what you seem to be content with doing.”

With that, Isa walked away, leaving the man gaping in her wake.

~ - ~

Later that night, she was sitting on the battlements like she had been for the past few nights. She enjoyed the night more than she did the day. There was something about watching the stars that brought her a peace that she couldn’t get any other time. She loved how cool the night air felt as it kissed her skin.

It took her several moments before she registered that she was no longer alone. Turning around, she saw a shadow standing by the door. An uneasy feeling ran through her, making her skin crawl.

The shadow began making its way towards her, and she saw that it was only Derek. She didn’t know him that well. Barring that one time where she’d bit his head off when he’d insulted her, they’d only ever interacted in training drills, never during their free time. Even though they were on the same squad, she never spoke with him outside of training.

She didn’t like the way he watched her. She didn’t know what it was, but it made her want to cover up from head to toe, and claw his eyes out so he could stop looking at her, leering at her.

When he sat down next to her, he felt too close. There was maybe a hands width between them. Isa tried to slide further away, but he grabbed her wrist before she could do so, which sent her heart racing and a cold sweat settled on her skin.

“Don’t go.” His voice a warning.

She swallowed, but refrained from moving. “What do you want?” Something about the way he kept looking down and not at her, kept her voice tense, muscles on edge, ready to move as soon as possible.

“Tomorrow is our first expedition.”

Her brows furrowed at that. Isa didn’t get his point. She was well aware of what tomorrow was.

“We might die tomorrow.”

Again, that was moot. That’s what they signed up for. They knew they risked death joining this regiment.

“We need to stop dancing around each other.”

That took Isa aback. What was he getting at? Dancing around each other? She’d barely ever spoken to him, what was he on about?

She yanked her wrist from his grasp and stood, just wanting to be back in her bed, away from this situation. “I’m…going to go to sleep. It’s late and I don’t want to be tired.”

She quickly walked away, only to be stopped just before she reached the door, by a force slamming her up against the wall, knocking the breath out of her lungs.

He towered over Isa as she gasped for air, his arms caging her in. “Don’t tease me Isa darling.” The whine in his voice had fear trickling down her spine.

_What the fuck?_

She blinked at him, a prickling sensation moving across her skin. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you do. I’ve seen the looks you’ve thrown my way during training, in the mess hall, when we cross paths on the grounds.” Gone was the whine, replaced by a harsh, demanding tone

_The fuck?_

“I know you want this as much as I do, so there’s no point in resisting."

Before she could say or do anything, he’d slammed his mouth against hers, shoving his tongue through her lips.

Her stomach turned at the feel of his slimy tongue in her mouth. Pushing past the shock and fear, she used all her strength and pushed at his chest, shoving him off her.

“Derek, I’m not interested.” Isa’s tone was firm and unapologetic as she tried not to vomit.

He glared at her. “I see. Alright then, my apologies.” He walked out the roof’s door, leaving Isa pressed up against the wall, a concerned look in her eyes.

Something in his tone, and that _look_ in his eyes told Isa that he wasn’t the least bit sorry.

~ - ~

Early the next morning the recruits were tacking up their horses and making final gear check before leaving within the hour. The sun had barely broken the horizon, and most of the scouts were still trying to rub the sleep out of their eyes and focus on final preparations.

Isa, who had been awake for a couple of hours now, and had Luna’s lead tied off to the fence outside the stables. She had put some hay in the trough in front of her so Luna would have something to nibble on while she brushed her down. She’d woken early one, from trouble sleeping after her encounter with Derek, and two, Isa wanted to make sure she had ample time to check her gear and tack up Luna. Isa took great pride in Luna, and wanted to make sure she gave her mare the best care she could possibly give.

She ran the brush along Luna’s gray coat, wanting to make sure there were no traces of sweat or dirt. She didn’t want to risk Luna developing a saddle sore when they were outside the walls and vulnerable. If thoughts of the night before made their way into her mind while she brushed, she quickly shoved them away, in a vain attempt to maintain control by ignoring what happened.

_I can’t be distracted, now more than ever. The last thing I want is to die just because I couldn’t stop thinking about how creepy Derek was last night._

Once she was satisfied with Luna’s coat, she moved onto her hooves. Slowly she ran her hands along the mare’s side, flank, and down each leg, before gently lifting her hoof to rest in between her knees. She did this for each hoof, making sure to clear out the dirt and muck. At one point, after picking one of Luna’s front hooves, she felt something wet run across the side of her face, only to realize that Luna had licked her.

Wiping her face, laughing, she said, “Luna what was that for?”

Luna tossed her head back and whinnied as if to say, _what, I have to make sure you’re clean too._

Isa rubbed the mare’s muzzle. “You silly girl.”

Finally, it was time to tack up.

Saddle pads?

_Check._

Saddle?

_Check._

Tightened the girth?

_Check._

Walked Luna a few paces and retightened the girth?

_Check._

Time for the bit and bridle, which was always Luna’s least favorite part. Sometimes Isa would have trouble getting the mare to open her mouth so she could slide the bit in. After removing the halter and sliding the reins over Luna’s head, Isa soon found that this would be one of those times.

Sighing, Isa pulled out a small bottle of peppermint oil from her pocket. “I know you’re doing this just so I’ll put some of this on the bit. Don’t think I’m not on to you.” Isa wagged her finger at Luna.

Luna nickered and gave Isa an almost sheepish look, as if to say, _well gosh Isa, I would never._

Laughing, she placed a bit of the oil on the bit, and like a miracle, Luna had no problems taking it.

Shaking her head, Isa rubbed Isa’s muzzle again. “What am I going to do with you?”

The final step was for Isa to make sure the bridle was properly secured, and then Luna was ready to go.

She stroked Luna’s muzzle, resting her forehead against the mare’s. “You’re the best, you know that don’t you?”

Luna huffed into Isa’s face, bringing a soft smile to her face. Looking into Luna’s warm brown eyes, Isa knew her mare trusted her as much as Isa trusted her.

“What do you say? Are you ready?”

Luna gave a soft nicker. _Always._

“Alright then, let’s go.”

Isa led her mare over to where all the scouts were gathering as they finished their final preparations. She quickly found Hange, Lucy, and Sherri. The week before, the commanding officers had decided to move Sherri to Erwin's squad, and Lucy to Flagon's squad. They had wanted to test to see how they worked with these new squads, and were now waiting for the expedition to determine if the change would be permanent.

Underneath Isa’s excitement at finally being able to go outside the walls, the nagging thoughts threatened to consume her, pushing through the comforting words Ethel had given her the day prior.

_If they die, it’s your fault. Your fault. You’ll be to blame. You’ll have to explain to their families that you’re the reason they suddenly chose to join the Scouts instead of the Military Police like they’d worked for. That you’re the reason they’re dead._

She shot Lucy and Sherri a worried look. “You guys…just…be careful out there.”

Lucy sighed. “Isa we’ve been through this.”

“Just promise me you’ll listen to your Squad Leaders no matter what, and that you won’t do anything stupid.” The look on her face was borderline begging for them to comply.

The two girls rolled their eyes, but nodded in agreement.

“Now can you stop being a downer and let’s enjoy this?” Lucy’s excited tone helped Isa push her fear down.

She gave her friends a smile, and mounted Luna.

In that moment, Commander Shadis made his way to the front where he took his place. “Scouts. Move out.”

And so, the Scouts made their way to the gates of Wall Maria, in Shiganshina. And in that moment, with her friends by her side, despite her worries.

Isa had never felt happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked and looked for explanations of how their military hierarchy is. I managed to come across one that I felt was most representative of the show. I hope my explanation made sense. I wanted to stick to language that's said within the show, so Squads, Teams, Squad Leaders, Team Leaders, etc. I honestly don’t know how accurate this is, they don't delve too much into their hierarchy so we’re just gonna roll with it, soooo yea. :)
> 
> Also, regarding the meat in the stew, since this story is currently taking place before the fall of Wall Maria, I’m going to operate under the assumption that meat was more regularly eaten in the Scouts until they lost the land in 845.
> 
> I wasn’t fully sure how to label that scene with Derek and Isa, since it’s not full on sexual assault, but it is in a way as well. Since it was so iffy, I went ahead and prefaced it to be safe. Like I said before, chapters containing scenes of sexual assault will be the only chapters I will put a trigger warning for. I don’t plan to throw a lot of sexual assault scenes into the mix, and I promise that I’m only going to include it to help drive the story and move the characters forward.
> 
> I hope the exchange between Isa and her friends was fun to read. It reminds me of when I was in high school and me and my friends would crush and gush over teachers and celebrities and the like.
> 
> Also, with Sairam, he's a pretty minor character in the manga, I don't even remember if he was in the OVA, and what I saw of him, I wasn't crazy about, so I've made him a bit of a jerk here in this story.
> 
> The additional scene ended up being the scene with Ethel. I really love Ethel's character, and I hope that she comes off as the sweet grandmother type I'm trying to write her as. At the last minute, I decided I wanted to give Isa a scene with Ethel before the expedition...typical me making last minute decisions hehe
> 
> I'm also not 100% sure where the Scouts' headquarters is or how long it would actually take to get to Trost, soooo, more interpretation from me haha I'm placing them in Wall Rose and relatively close to Trost, just so that way Isa can have her trips to Ethel's. :)
> 
> On that note, I plan to put out the next couple of chapters this weekend, so that we can finally meet the trio. So please just bear with me for a little bit longer. I’m sorry it’s taking so long to get there, I just really wanted to get a feel for her character, and I hope that these chapters aren’t boring, I’m trying my best to make them interesting. I hope none of the chapters I write are boring to be honest. It’s hard to judge your own work...because you’re either biased towards it, or ridiculously self-critical…I tend to lean more towards a harsh self-critic. Comes with being a perfectionist. Chapter 4 should be up later today (Saturday)....sorry for all the rambling :P Thank you for reading :)


	4. First Expedition-Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised...another chapter. :) I promise this is the last chapter without the trio. The next chapter we get to meet the trio woohoo :)

The ride to Shiganshina was shorter than Isa’d expected, though she suspected that was more because of the nerves and anticipation. For some reason those feelings always made the time pass faster. That and Hange’s non-stop chatter about the types of titans she hoped to see.

Isa shook her head in amusement at her friend.

 _Only Hange would actually_ hope _to see a titan while out there._

All too soon the scouts had arrived at the gates of Shiganshina. The sun was high in the sky indicating midday.

As the Scouts made their way through Shiganshina, a crowd of people formed alongside the streets. Isa saw their faces wore a variety of expressions.

Anger. Admiration. Fear. Hope.

She knew that a large majority of the people behind the walls thought the Scouts were wasting their time and their money. She’d heard it enough behind the walls in Mitras. She’d experienced it herself yesterday in Trost.

Right now, in this moment, so close to the gates, she didn’t care.

She was torn in different directions by the various emotions swirling through her, unable to decipher them. Her blood rushed with excitement, sending tingles across her skin, yet inside her stomach, was a thick ball of dread that had settled in a knot, weighing her down.

Isa’s stomach clenched further as she tried not to imagine all the things that could go wrong outside the walls. Images of her friends torn apart by titans kept flying through her mind. Torn to pieces to the point where she wouldn’t know what part belonged to which of her beloved friends. Lifeless eyes staring up at her, like the way her parents’ eyes did when they were murdered.

She knew death was inevitable. Everyone died. There was no way to escape it. But there’s a difference between dying a peaceful death of old age safe and warm in your bed, and dying a violent death of being torn apart, chewed up, only to be spit back up in a clump of body parts.

That was what had horrified her the most to learn during training. Titans don’t even eat humans for survival. They don’t need humans. They do it for no reason at all, other than something instinctual.

They did nothing but kill.

Isa wasn’t a stranger to death. No, her parents had died when she was young, and then all her life, she’d seen death. That had just been her first experience with death. It had been a harsh lesson, but the universe had shoved it at her with no remorse, no afterthought.

She’d seen death in the interior, by the bored nobles who had nothing better to do with their time, killing off those who wronged them, killing for sport, for fun. And the Military Police who looked the other way in exchange for a satchel full of coins.

She saw it anytime she ate meat. Humans killed animals for food. But that was different. Humans _needed_ food to survive.

She’d seen it when she was outside in the garden of the house she grew up in. Smaller bugs were consumed by larger bugs, which were consumed by spiders or birds. Birds consumed by the alley cats, and so on. Death was everywhere. No matter where she went. Where she looked. But the difference between that death, is that death had _meaning._ It meant survival for the next being.

Isa wanted nothing more than for her inevitable death to have meaning. She wanted to go out knowing that her death meant something. That it meant survival for the person behind her. She knew it was naïve to think this, but that was one of her biggest reasons for joining the Scouts, aside from thirsting for freedom. She figured that at least in the Scouts, if she were to die, her death would have helped move forward the fight for Humanity.

Better to die by titans as a choice, fighting for something bigger than herself, than as prey waiting around to die.

Besides, like she’d told the man yesterday, she found it foolish of people to expect the walls to last forever. She’s seen buildings decay and fall in less time than the walls have been standing. Did they think the walls would last forever? Something was bound to happen. She’d rather go out fighting with the Scouts than wait inside the walls for the titans to break through and devour her.

She’d go out by her choice. And her choice was the Scouts.

Resolve found again helped to dissipate the gnawing fear for the well-being of her friends, to a dull ache that was more manageable, more easily pushed aside for the time-being. She had to trust in her friends and their abilities. She knew she would still blame herself for their deaths should they perish in this expedition, but this was still their choice.

Who’s to say they hadn’t decided they wanted their death to have meaning? Who was she to get angry at them for doing exactly what she’s doing?

A determined look overtook Isa’s face, just in time for the Commander to announce the commencement of this expedition as the gates ahead rose with resounding clanks, the gears whirring as they lifted the one last barrier to freedom. In succession with her fellow scouts, she raised her blades in the air with a warrior yell, and nudged Luna forward.

That determination and resolve filled her as she rode through the gates for the first time. A grin took over her face as she relished in the feeling of _finally_ being outside. In finally being completely free.

She didn’t know if it was her imagination, but the sky looked bluer, the sun brighter, the air cleaner, fresher. As Luna moved beneath her, she took in her surroundings, the endlessness of the land surrounding her. No matter where she looked ahead, there was nothing but land in front of her.

The wind whipped across her, caressing her, welcoming her to outside the walls.

She should feel small, knowing just how far everything stretches out. Instead, she was filled with a sense of finally belonging. Of finally having a place.

The idea of not knowing what awaited them should have terrified her. Instead, she felt elated.

A harsh voice drew Isa out of her appreciation of the surrounding area. “Hey! Pay attention or you’ll be the first to die.”

She glared at Sairam. “Says the person who can’t even work in a team with his comrades.”

“You fucking—”

“Hey! Fucking focus!” Flagon’s voice cut through whatever insult Sairam was going to send her way.

The various squads had spread out to keep from being right on top of one another, as well as to allow for more ground to be covered. Flagon’s squad’s position was outer right center. Not quite the most dangerous position, such as the elite squads in the front, but risky nonetheless.

The goal of this expedition was to bring more supplies to a supply base the scouts had set up about twenty miles outside the walls. The supply wagons were towards the center, in a safer section of the formation. The outer squads were meant to protect the inner sections from any titans that appeared.

Isa worried about Hange and Sherri in Erwin’s squad towards the front, but she had to shove those worries to the side, remembering her resolve from earlier.

_Trust them, and trust their squad. Squad Leader Erwin is one of the best. They’re safest with him, even in the most dangerous position._

“Titan spotted!”

Isa’s head whipped to her right at Flagon’s voice. There a titan was approaching, the thumps of its footsteps growing louder as it got closer. It looked to be a ten meter.

“Isa, Sofia, engage!”

“Yes sir!”

And the two girls were off. As they approached, Isa was overwhelmed at the sheer size of the being in front of her. Gulping, she struggled to push the fear out of the way, to the back of her mind where it belonged.

Sofia called out. “Isa, I’ll go for the heels. You go for the nape.”

“Got it!” Isa nudged Luna to approach from a wide angle to give Sofia the time needed to slice the titan’s heel.

_Just like we’ve practiced._

Sofia made quick work of the titan’s heels, and with a resounding thud that echoed across the land, it fell on the ground. She guided Luna to approach the titan from behind, away from the grasping arms. When she was within striking distance, she shot her grappling hook to latch onto the titan’s shoulder. With a burst of speed, she drew herself onto its back, and in a fluid motion, she sliced the nape of the titan, hot blood spraying all over Isa, that quickly began to steam.

In the distance Isa could hear Lucy cheering. She chuckled to herself at her friend’s enthusiastic response.

Without even having to call her, Luna galloped her way to pick up Isa. In a smooth motion she’d practiced numerous times, Isa jumped onto her back, and they made their way back to the formaiton.

_I did it, my first assist. My first titan kill._

As she guided Luna to rejoin the formation, she realized that perhaps this method of downing titans wasn’t always the best. They were out in the middle of a large patch of land, with no trees in sight. Downing the titan on the ground would work better when the scouts had trees they could latch onto and not have to spend too much time directly on the back of the titan.

Something to mention to Sofia once they’d returned. Perhaps the veteran scout could provide a bit more insight on this.

They continued on, making their way to the supply base. She looked over at Lucy riding beside her who met her gaze. They grinned at each other, both, once again, relishing at the thrill of being outside the walls.

The remainder of the ride to the supply base was uneventful. Isa was unsure whether she considered this to be good news or bad news.

 _The calm before the storm. That’s always the worst part. That feeling that_ something _is going to happen._

If the other scouts were concerned at the quiet ride, they didn’t show it. And Isa knew better than to question it. To question the quiet would almost be like begging for something to happen.

Isa took in the supply base as they approached. It was a small building that had most likely been built by earlier scouts in previous expeditions. There were pens set up as makeshift stables for the horses surrounding the main building.

They would stay the night here at the supply base, to give the horses time to recover. The horses used by the scouts were bred and trained for speed and endurance, but even the mightiest of horses needed rest. Isa hopped off Luna and led her over to one of the empty pens. She switched out the bridle for the halter, tying the lead off around the post of the pen to keep Luna stable while she removed the rest of her tack.

The horses were accustomed to keeping their tack on, but Isa knew Luna would be more comfortable if she untacked her.

Besides, in an emergency, Isa could simply ride bareback. She’d practiced this with Luna, and both were relatively comfortable with it.

She made quick work of removing the saddle and saddle pads. The small pack holding her own personal supplies like food, water, and her bedroll was placed neatly on the ground. She brushed Luna down to once again, remove any traces of sweat, and then covered the mare’s back with a blanket she’d brought with her.

Once she was settled, she made her way to the supply wagons for some hay and more water, and carted it back to Luna, making sure she was fed and cared for before she took care of herself or sought out her friends.

_Our bond is no good if I don’t take care of Luna. She took care of me on the way here. Now it’s my turn to take care of her._

Once Luna was comfortable with plenty of hay and water, she gave her a final pat on her muzzle, grabbed her pack, and then set out to find her friends. She hadn’t seen Sherri and Hange since they left the walls, and worry was clenching her stomach again.

She finally found them sitting up against one of the walls of the main building, and relief flooded her.

_Still alive._

Lucy was there as well, and Isa joined them. Plopping down beside Lucy she gave her friends a grin.

“We made it.”

Sherri gave an excited squeal. “That we did. Hange here even killed her first titan!”

Lucy gasped. “No way so did Isa!”

“Well it was only an assist.”

“You still killed a titan Isa.”

“Yea but—”

Lucy wagged her finger at Isa. “Nope no buts. You dealt the final blow and that’s all that matters in my book.”

Isa looked over at Hange and noted that her friend was uncharacteristically quiet. She took in Hange’s furrowed brow and frown. “Wait, Hange, why do you look so upset?”

Hange avoided Isa’s gaze.

“Hange?"

Hange gave an exasperated groan. “Because I wish we could have tried to capture the titan instead of killing it.” She crossed her arms as her shoulders slumped in defeat.

All three girls looked at Hange as if she’d sprouted wings and started to fly.

Sherri was watching her friend with wide eyes. “Capture? Hange are you insane?”

Hange gave a wry chuckle. “Sometimes.”

“Hange, why would you even want to capture one of those things?” Lucy’s incredulous voice had risen to a high pitch, in disbelief at her friend’s desire to capture one of the things that could kill them.

“It was a little one, and I think if we were able to catch one, we might be able to work more towards actually understanding them. Think about it, how are we really going to learn more by just killing them. Once they’re dead they just evaporate away, nothing left behind.”

“Makes sense.”

Now it was Isa’s turn to be the subject of the questioning looks of her friends.

Hange sat up and gave Isa a hopeful smile. “So you don’t think I’m insane?”

“Oh no, you’re absolutely insane.”

Hange stuck her tongue out at Isa.

“But I can’t deny that what you say makes sense, so I guess that makes me insane too.”

Lucy and Sherri were still having trouble believing what they were hearing.

Lucy blinked at Isa and Hange. “I feel like I don’t know who you guys are anymore.”

They spent the rest of the evening enjoying the freedom that came with being outside the walls. Still, their senses remained on high alert. There was always the ever-looming sense of pending doom that threatened to overtake the excitement.

Eventually, they had to turn in. They would need to be rested in the morning for the trek back to the walls. They spread their bedrolls on the ground, as they lay on the ground watching the stars, grateful that new recruits didn’t carry the burden of carrying night watch. That was left for veterans and superiors, who would need to alternate shifts throughout the night.

Surrounded by the warm, slumberous breaths of her friends, Isa soon fell asleep.

~ - ~

“TITANS SPOTTED!”

The scream of one of the watchers jolted Isa out of her sleep. Disoriented she looked around at the chaos around her. Scouts were running around, trying to gather their supplies and horses, arming themselves again with their ODM gear.

Isa looked around her, seeing her friends were just as confused as she was. And that’s when she saw them. Out in the distance. A horde of titans heading their way, and gaining fast. A blue flare shot across the sky. _Retreat._ The horde was too big to fight. The scouts needed to escape, and they needed to escape now.

Bolting up, the four girls made quick work of equipping themselves with their discarded gear. The bedrolls were left on the ground. No time to bother rolling them up. Sack in hand, Isa sprinted to Luna.

There was no time to saddle her horse up. She only had time to quickly switch out the halter for the bridle. Luna, sensing the danger, gave no trouble in taking the bit this time. Grabbing the reins, she jumped onto Luna’s back, who jumped over the pen walls, clearing it with ease. She guided Luna towards the other scouts who were retreating, attempting to locate her squad.

In the time it had taken her to get to Luna, the titans had made it to where they were stationed, and now were attempting to grab any scout in sight.

As Isa searched for her squad, her head turned to the right, and her heart dropped as a pit in her stomach, blood freezing in her veins.

A fifteen-meter titan was hovering above a panicked Lucy, who was frenzied as she tried to release her hooks so she could latch onto the titan, but the triggers were malfunctioning, leaving Lucy helpless on the ground. The titan had gotten to her before she could get to her horse. Her helpless pleas reached Isa, and sent shivers of fear racing up and down her body.

Before Isa could react, the titan swiped at Lucy with its hands, her upper body and arms now wrapped in its tight grasp. She was desperately trying to loosen her arms so she could cut her way out of its hands, but its hold was iron tight.

_No!_

Without hesitating, she turned Luna to gallop in the direction of the monster trying to kill her friend. One of the few people that brought her some meaning in her pathetic life.

Guilt trickled in behind the fear as she pushed Luna faster than she’d ever pushed her before.

She didn’t feel the tears falling down her cheeks.

_I have to get there in time. I just have to._

The titan was raising its arms to its mouth.

Isa begged for more speed from Luna.

Lucy’s screams rang through the air, through Isa’s mind, forever implanted.

Jumping off Luna, Isa’s grapple whizzed through the air, latching onto the titan’s neck. She was using too much gas, but she didn’t care, she sped through the air, in a desperate attempt to cut the nape before the titan could bite down on her best friend.

_Almost there. Almost there._

“Hang on Lucy!”

Halfway to the titan’s neck, the titan had brought Lucy into its mouth feet first, biting down onto her stomach. Blood began to run down the titan’s hand.

Lucy’s screams turned to groans and cries of pure agony.

Isa sliced through the titan’s neck, with more force than she’d ever used in her entire life.

The titan landed on the ground with a harsh thud.

Isa raced over to its mouth, where Lucy was still wedged in between its teeth.

“Lucy, hang on, I’m going to open its mouth so you can get out.”

Coughing up blood, Lucy spoke in a weak voice, so quiet you could barely hear it. “Isa go. There’s no time. I’m dead anyways. I’m going to bleed out. You can’t save me.”

Tears ran down Isa’s face. “No! I can’t leave you.” Sobbing, she tried to wipe off the blood from Lucy’s face.

_No no no. This isn’t happening. I can save her. I just have to get her out of the titan. If I get her out of the titan, she’ll be okay._

Desperate, she shoved her blade in between the titan’s teeth, using it to try to pry its mouth open.

“Isa stop being so stubborn.” Lucy’s ragged breaths had Isa whimpering. “Isa.” Lucy coughed. “Don’t blame yourself.”

A voice behind her ordered. “Recruit, we have to go now.”

“I can’t leave her.” Her voice trembled.

“It’s an order. Let’s go now.”

Turning, she faced her squad leader, who was sitting on his horse.

Knowing she had no choice, as titans surrounded the supply base, the screams of scouts filling the air, they were out of time. She turned to give her friend a sorrowful look, “I’m sorry Lucy.”

But her friend had already stopped breathing, a peaceful look on her face now. She took the time to gently close her friend’s eyes, and then turned to Luna who was standing beside Isa, waiting patiently. She jumped on, and followed her squad leader to the formation, as the remaining scouts retreated, leaving behind the remains of their fallen comrades, their loved ones, now only but a memory.

_This is all my fault._

During the ride back to Shiganshina, they came across a few of titans, but nothing like the horde they’d escaped from. Flagon sent Derek and Sairam to handle the ones that came on their side.

She was grateful he didn’t try to send her, she didn’t think she had the strength to fight another titan.

Isa could only think about Lucy. Her face. Her smile. Her snarky comments. How she’d never be able to see her again. To talk to her again.

_What were even my last words to her before today? What about Hange and Sherri? Did they make it out? They would be towards the front with Erwin. I can’t see them from here. What if they didn’t make it? What if it’s just me again? Do they know? How do I tell them? How do I tell them that I could have saved her, but I was too slow…too weak…too pathetic? How do I face Sherri now? She knew Lucy the longest._

It was ironic for Isa how the ride back felt agonizingly long, as if they were traveling triple the distance they’d originally gone. All she wanted was to get back to base, put Luna in her stall, and collapse into her bed, and just stay there and never come out again.

After what felt like an eternity, the Scouts returned to the gates of Shiganshina. Isa would have thought she wouldn’t be able to feel anything else amongst all the emotions, yet another one joined the mix, one that jangled the pit in her stomach, and she had to hold back the urge to vomit.

_I’ve always heard the negative words that the people have whenever the scouts return. And now I’m going to be included in the mix. I’m a failure, and they know it. They know I was too weak to make a difference._

The scouts rode through the gates and began making their way through the city, as insults were hurled at them.

_Look at them, what a waste of our hard-earned money._

_Do they ever make any progress?_

_Why do they even bother? They always end up coming back with less people than they left with. They can’t even protect their own, yet they claim they work to protect humanity._

_Pathetic._

Some had the nerve to even throw food, angering Isa, but not enough to break through her despair. Just another emotion to fight for dominance amongst the ones already swirling in her.

But one voice managed to break through Isa’s fog.

_Look! It’s the scouts! Look! It’s really them! Come on, let’s get closer to them! I want to see! Come on guys!_

Isa turned her head, and a boy with wide, shining green eyes and a dark mop of hair, watched the scouts with pure, innocent, excitement. Beside him a raven-haired girl wearing a red scarf whispered in his ear.

“Not now! I want to watch the scouts!”

A third child beside him, also watched the scouts as they rode by, but his blue eyes were filled with curiosity and calculation. As if he were digesting everything in front of him and storing it away for later use.

The three children gave Isa something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Pure hope. Hope for the future. Amidst the chaos, amidst the anger, amidst the _death_ and despair, there were still those who looked up to the scouts, both child and adult alike. That hope washed over Isa, temporarily drowning out the pain, sorrow, agony, anger, fear, that plagued her. She gave the trio a small smile and a wave, and a small, amused chuckle escaped her as she watched the green-eyed boy’s eyes grew even wider.

The boy’s excited chatter faded as Isa faced forward again and moved further through Shiganshina. “Did you see that! That scout waved at us!”

As they moved forward through Shiganshina, something in one of the shops caught Isa’s eyes. Nudging Luna to the side of the street, she hopped off and ran inside. She made her purchase using some of the money she’d stolen from her caretakers when she’d escaped, and quickly made it back into the formation without anyone noticing she’d left.

They finally made it back to the base, and the scouts were dismissed for the day. Tomorrow there would be no training. The day before departure, Squad Leader Flagon had explained that the day after an expedition is the day the scouts can honor their fallen comrades. Each lost scout received a gravestone in their cemetery, regardless of whether or not their bodies were brought back.

Most scouts opted to bury treasured items of their fallen comrades in place of their abandoned bodies.

Isa’s movements were out of habit, as the dark cloud overhanging her head threatened to consume her.

She made quick, meticulous work of caring for Luna. The routine was enough to guide her movements. When she was cleaned with a blanket on her back, troughs full of fresh hay and water, Isa gave Luna a warm hug around her neck.

“Thank you for taking care of me Luna.”

The mare seemed to understand Isa’s pain, and rested her warm nuzzle on Isa’s back, giving a soft huff in an attempt to calm Isa.

Before she could leave, two voices called out behind her.

“Isa! There you are!”

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Stiffening, she turned to face her friends. Both relief and guilt flooded her as she raced to them and embraced them.

The girls were taken aback at the uncharacteristic show of affection, but returned the hug, nonetheless.

A sob escaped Isa. “I’m so glad you guys are okay.”

Hange’s shaky voice filled Isa’s ears. “We’re glad you’re okay. We were worried when we couldn’t find you, but Flagon said he’d seen you go over to the stables.”

“Isa, where’s Lucy, have you seen her?”

Isa tensed in their arms, which didn’t go unnoticed by Sherri. “Isa…what is it?”

More sobs racked through Isa’s body, making it difficult to speak. “Lucy….is….gone.”

“WHAT! No. Not possible. You’re joking.” Sherri gave a nervous laugh. “She’s over in one of the stalls isn’t she. She’s such a jokester. Lucy you can come out now, your sick joke’s over.”

Isa pulled back from her friends, shaking her head. “She’s dead.” Her voice was a bit harsher than she’d intended, but she needed to get through to Sherri.

Something snapped in Sherri and she shoved Isa away from her. “What the fuck Isa! What happened?”

Unable to meet her friend’s eyes, Isa furiously wiped at the tears on her face as she said in a small voice. “Her gear malfunctioned, and…and she was grabbed by a titan. I tried to get to her, but I didn’t make it in time. I was too far away.” Her hand rubbed at her arm in shame.

Sherri’s glare aimed at Isa was full of hate, despair, grief. “So you’re telling me you were there, and you couldn’t _save_ her. What, were you _debating_ about whether or not to save her?!” Sherri’s voice had taken a harsh tone that none of the girls had ever heard before.

Isa flinched at Sherri’s outburst.

“This is _your_ fault. I told Lucy this was a bad idea, but she talked me into it. She’s dead, because of you.” Sherri’s cruel words came out in a forceful growl.

Isa visibly shrank as Sherri’s words cut through her.

Hange tried to gently cut in. “Sherri, I think that’s a little excessive—"

“No Hange. This is Isa’s fault. She’s to blame for this.”

In a desperate attempt to defend herself, Isa asked, “Who was it who was just telling me that you decided to do this? That you wanted to make a difference?” Her voice trembled.

“People say a lot of things.” Gone was the cheerful warmth of Sherri’s voice. It had now been taken over by an ice that Isa had never heard from her before. “This is your fault. You’re the reason she’s dead. If you had never opened your mouth and spewed that bullshit, we would be safe in the Military Police, and Lucy would be alive.”

Isa’s jaw dropped and her eyes welled again, as her worst fears were being thrown back in her face by one of the few people who, just weeks ago, just yesterday, had reassured her that her fears were irrational. That she’d wanted this. That everything would be okay.

Isa’s knees weakened, threatening to collapse on her.

“She was my best friend, and now I’ll never see her again. So fuck you Isa.” With that, Sherri turned and stormed out of the stables and back to the main building.

Hange drew a stunned Isa into another hug, supporting her friend just as she as about to slump in a heap on the floor. “She didn’t mean any of that. She just needs time. Grief hits people differently. Some people need to lash out at something while they process it."

“She’s right Hange. It is my fault.” Isa’s voice was dead, no intonation, matter of fact. The betrayal running through her combined with everything else, threatened to break her.

Hange’s voice was desperate as she tried to get her words through Isa’s head. “No it’s not. You didn’t force them to do this, _she_ made the decision. Both of them. If they had truly wanted to join the Military Police, a few words from you wouldn’t have made them completely changed their mind.”

“But—”

“No _buts_ Isa. This is not your fault. Do not blame yourself.” Hange’s voice was so commanding, it made Isa think that she’d make a good Squad Leader one day.

“Okay Hange.” But in Isa’s mind, she couldn’t bring herself to believe Hange’s words. She was to blame for this.

~ - ~

That night Isa struggled to find sleep. Tossing and turning, her mind kept her awake. Lucy’s screams as the titan bit down on her frame haunted her, echoing in her mind. Some of her last word’s to Isa kept repeating.

_You can’t save me._

_You can’t save me._

_You can’t save me._

_But I wanted to save her. Needed to save her. Why couldn’t I have been strong enough, fast enough to save her? Was Sherri right? Did I hesitate? If I had acted seconds earlier would I have been able to save her? Turned my head sooner? But Sherri wasn’t there. She didn’t see what happened. There’s no way she could know right?_

Isa was dreading the next morning. It would be more difficult now that Sherri wasn’t speaking to her. When she’d joined Hange and Sherri for dinner, Sherri had immediately gotten up from the table and walked away without a word. The chilliness she had left in her wake had settled over Isa, and even hours later, she struggled to find warmth.

Isa barely noticed the hot, silent tears rolling down rolling down her face, too consumed by emotion and memories.

Their conversations from just weeks before, the laughter, kept playing in her mind, taunting her of better times.

_You can’t even deny it, oh this is perfect. I half wondered if there’d ever be someone you’d find attractive._

_Yea but think about how experienced he is. And he looks so serious all the time, you just know he knows how to please a woman in bed._

The incredulous looks she and Hange had received from the two girls the night before.

_Capture? Hange are you insane?_

_Sometimes._

Had that really only been the night before? Had so little time passed? It hadn’t even been a full day since Lucy’s demise.

Sherri’s laugh. It had always been so light. So full of life. In less than twenty-four hours, Isa had lost two friends. She didn’t know which was worse, Lucy being gone or Sherri being right there but never wanting to speak to her again.

She’d never had friends before, never had the chance. And she’d managed to screw it up completely. If only she’d been faster, better, stronger, none of this would have happened. This was her fault. She had known from the moment they joined the Scouts, that if Sherri or Lucy died, she would be to blame. Her stupid words were looping with everything else.

_Are we ever really safe? Safe from what? Titans or humans?_

Humans…it was she…Isa…a human…who caused Lucy’s death.

_Don’t you ever think it’s strange how we train, and work hard, and become strong titan killers, so that we can make the top ten and then join the most interior branch of the military?_

Why had she said that, why couldn’t she have just kept her mouth shut?

Finally, Sherri’s last words overtook everything else.

_This is Isa’s fault. She’s to blame for this._

_Isa’s fault._

_She’s to blame._

Her fault.

Her failure.

Her screw-up.

Her stupid mouth.

Hugging her pillow close to her, Isa finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.

The next morning was a solemn one. While this scouting mission hadn’t resulted in nearly as much death as previous ones, the air was still filled with the reminder of their fallen comrades. Isa saw Lucy everywhere. No matter where she went, she was haunted by her deceased friend.

Isa arrived at the mess hall early, and sat with the usual breakfast of porridge. She looked up in time to see Hange and Sherri walking with trays of food. Hange looked torn between her two friends. Sherri saw Isa watching, and her face hardened.

“Let’s go sit over there Hange.”

“But…I…”

“Hange!” Isa saw the glare Sherri gave her friend.

Isa gave a small smile to her friend and mouthed, _it’s okay, go,_ _she needs you._ She tried to hide her tears so as not to worry her friend _._ She didn’t want Hange to be in the position where she had to choose, so she’d make the choice for her. Hange gave Isa a sad look, one that said she was already regretting not going to Isa, and then turned to follow Sherri.

Later in the morning, Isa made her way to the Scouts’ cemetery. She could see headstones set in mounds of freshly dug dirt.

Any other time, and she’d be surprised by the quick turnaround of having the headstones prepared…but Flagon had told them that the branch made a headstone for all scouts upon joining.

_How morbid to think that in some storage closet, there’s a headstone that literally has my name on it. It is efficient though. Helps with the grieving I guess, so that no one is waiting around to be able to visit their loved ones grave._

She didn’t have to search long for Lucy’s headstone. Her heart clenched as she saw her two friends…no…friend…and Sherri, standing by a marking somewhere in the center of the cemetery.

Isa thought about turning around and coming back later when they were gone, but before she could, Sherri turned and saw her.

Sherri glared at Isa when she saw her approaching. “What the fuck are you doing here!” She spat out.

Isa froze in her tracks. “…I—”

Sherri harshly cut her off before Isa could say anything else. “You what? You shouldn’t be here. This is for _friends_ of Lucy. So go away!” Sherri’s voice was so icy, so full of venom, and it terrified Isa.

Isa’s eyes welled with tears of guilt, grief, remorse. She was at a loss for words.

Mouth agape, Hange quickly came to Isa’s defense. “Sherri! Isa has just as much of a right to say goodbye to Lucy as we do. She was her friend too!”

Sherri gave a humorless laugh. “Some friend. Couldn’t even be bothered to save her. Now she’s dead.”

Hange glared at Sherri. “ _Enough_ Sherri! I know you’re grieving, but Isa is too. I am too. Now move out of the way so Isa can say goodbye.” The tone of her voice suggested that Hange had about had it with Sherri’s behavior.

Without another word, Sherri simply strode away, that same chilliness settling over Isa.

Isa turned away from Hange, instead, facing Lucy’s grave.

Hange looked at Isa’s turned back, her voice softer now. “Isa, I’m…I’m so sorry. I tried to talk to her, but anytime I mention your name, she just completely shuts off and ignores me.”

“It’s okay Hange. You don’t have to do that on my part. I don’t want you to hurt your friendship with Sherri because of me.” Isa’s voice was steady despite the tears running down her face.

Hange grasped Isa’s arms and turned her to face her. “The only person hurting my friendship with Sherri, is Sherri. I’m going to say this again, because you seem to not get it yet.” Hange gave Isa a gentle shake. “This. Was. Not. Your. Fault. I will continue to say this, until it gets through that thick skull of yours.” Hange emphasized the word _skull_ with a soft, tap to Isa’s head.

Broken, and unable to hold back anymore, Isa drew Hange into a fierce hug, sobbing into her friend’s shirt. Hange didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around Isa, providing the comfort the Isa had so desperately needed but hadn't known how to ask for.

Isa lost track of how long her friend held her, stroking her hair as she sobbed out her grief. Isa could feel Hange’s tears landing on her head, soaking her scalp, as she sobbed with her.

Drained, Isa finally pulled back from Hange, wincing in embarrassment when she saw that wet spot her tears and snot had made on her friend’s shirt.

Isa wiped her face clean on the sleeve of her jacket. “Sorry about that.”

Hange gave Isa a small smile. “Isa do you really think I care?”

“…I guess you’re right.”

The two girls laughed lightly, and then turned to face the headstone that marked Lucy’s metaphorical resting place.

“Hey Hange, can you…can you give me a minute alone? I want to say goodbye to her…but—”

“It’s okay Isa, I understand. If you need me, I’ll be right over there.” She pointed over towards a tree that was stationed around ten meters away from Lucy’s grave.

Isa gave Hange a grateful smile.

Once Hange was out of hearing distance, Isa looked back at Lucy’s headstone.

Sighing, she sat down. “Lucy, I’m no good with words, and feelings. You three knew that from the moment you met me. I was always so grateful for how well you guys seemed to understand me." She had to pause as new tears threatened to breakthrough, the lump in her voice making it difficult to speak. "I don’t really know how to say everything else I want to say, so I wrote you this letter, and I’m going to bury it here, and I just hope that there’s something after death and that you’re able to read this.”

She dug a small hole in front of the headstone, placed the letter inside, and then gently covered it up with the dirt.

On top of the fresh mound of dirt, Isa lay the flowers she’d bought in Shiganshina. A small bundle of purple, star-shaped flowers that for some reason, had drawn Isa in. She didn’t know what they were called, she just thought they felt right.

She rose, and with a sorrowful goodbye, walked over to where Hange waited, and they both made their way back to base.

~ - ~

_Dear Lucy,_

_I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. I will have to live with that for the rest of my life._

_Lucy, you should know that you were one of my best friends, a sister to me. I don’t know if you saw me as a sister, but I saw you as one. I’d never had sisters before, and with you, Sherri, and Hange, I had a real family again. I wish I could have been brave enough to tell you three all of this, but…I don’t know how. I’m too afraid. And I never knew if you guys saw me in the same light. So I’m telling you now, as pathetic as it may seem._

_I hope you’re resting and that wherever you are, you’re safe and at peace. You deserve it._

_I want to thank you for your years of friendship. The time the four of us had together was the best time of my life. I’ll always remember you as the sarcastic but hilarious girl who made fun of me when she found out I was still a virgin._

_I wish you were still here. I miss you so much already._

_Watch over Sherri. She’s suffering, I know she is and…it’s my fault._

_Rest in peace sister._

_Love always,_

_Isa._

~ - ~

That night Isa entered the barracks, ready to just fall asleep and hope that the dreams would leave her alone. She just wanted an escape from the hollow feeling that engulfed her entire being.

As she walked to her bunk, she saw a piece of paper resting neatly on her pillow.

_That’s odd…_

She picked up the paper and unfolded it. Collapsing onto her bed, Isa’s blood froze as she read the note. A shaky hand ran through her hair, trembling, as she took in the words in front of her.

_Isa,_

_I told you that you’d pay. Did you not believe me? Did you forget about me?_

_How does it feel? How does it feel to be completely and utterly helpless to save your friend as her screams filled the air? Such a shame that her gear…malfunctioned…at the last minute isn’t it._

_I told you. I told you that you’d beg for something as merciful as death when I’m finished with you._

_And I’m far from finished._

_Oh, and I wouldn’t share these notes with anyone. Wouldn’t want something to…accidentally…happen to your precious horse. What was her name again? Luna? Such a pretty mare. I bet her blood looks pretty too. Bet it’d look pretty used as ink for my next letter._

_Or Sherri. Oh I can only imagine the hatred in her eyes as she gets ripped apart by titans because you couldn’t save her. Another death that would be your fault._

_Or Hange. It would be a shame if she were to get ripped apart by those precious titans she adores so much. Her screams would fill the air as she realizes how idiotic she was for idolizing them._

_I have to say, Sherri hating you was not planned, but it is such a fun bonus. I had a good, long laugh after watching her yell at you at Lucy’s grave._

_Until next time bitch._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I really really liked Lucy's character. I tried to make her this fun, sarcastic, teasing type character, and I hope I did that. And well...that note at the end says it all doesn't it? Someone is not happy at all with Isa.
> 
> Also, I looked up flowers and their meaning, and the flowers Isa puts on Lucy's grave are purple hyacinths. Based on what I found, they represent sorrow and regret, which well...is fitting right now.
> 
> Anyone else ever have that friend that you trusted and then they do something that just betrays you? That's pretty much Sherri right now, and her reaction to Lucy's death is super harsh, and taking out her grief on Isa is unfair. But people also grieve in different ways, and I'd say right now Sherri is in the anger stage of grieving, and she'll just lash out at Isa, needing someone to blame, and Isa was there for Lucy's death, so it unfortunately makes her fall victim to Sherri's rage. Is it right? Of course not. Do I understand? Yes.
> 
> Anyways, hopefully the next chapter is a bit more enjoyable, because we're finally going to meet the trio!! :D I'm going to try to have that up potentially later today, tomorrow at the latest. Thanks for reading! :)


	5. The Trio-Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

The month following the expedition that ended in Lucy’s death was a difficult one for Isa. She’d lost two of her closest friends, and if she wanted to get technical, she’d lost Hange as well. Sherri was hard at work to keep Hange all to herself, almost as if she wanted to hurt Isa even more. Sherri wouldn’t let Hange sit with Isa anymore. Since Hange and Isa weren’t on the same squads, that kept them apart during training. The only time Isa got to see Hange were on the nights where she’d join Isa up on the rooftop. But those nights were far and few in between. Hange wasn’t a night owl like Isa.

Sherri had even gone as far as to request to be permanently switched to Erwin's squad.

This left Isa alone to deal with everything she was feeling. And so, she fell into a rut. Wake up. Eat. Train. Eat. Train some more. Eat. Fall into bed, begging her mind for sleep. When sleep inevitably failed her, up to the roof she went.

She’d visited Ethel as promised, and Ethel had given her words of encouragement, telling her it wasn’t her fault. She’d given her hugs, comfort, words of wisdom, support, everything that Isa needed. The older woman had given her, of course, more tea, which Isa was forever grateful for. Ethel had done more for her than anyone in her life.

But Isa still couldn’t shake the feeling that it was her fault.

Even though she logically knew the fault lay with whoever was writing those notes, it still felt as if she was to blame. The person writing the notes apparently had a personal vendetta against her, so indirectly her fault. She’d been there, right there, and could have saved Lucy, but she’d failed, so also directly her fault.

That’s what kept running through her mind, and the logical side of her tried to push through, and at times, it did…most times, it didn’t.

Most nights she couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares. Sleep was often filled with images of her life before the Military. The cruelty of her caretakers. Their harsh words. When Isa dreamed of that expedition, they were there with Sherri, taunting her and her failure.

_You’re pathetic. Weak. Why would anyone ever want you? You can’t even save your friend. Useless. Worthless. Failure._

Other memories tried to filter through. Reminders of happier times, before her life had gone to hell.

Her mother, a warm and soft presence, would push through the hateful people and wrap her in a soft embrace, the feeling of a mother’s love bringing a small light into her dark world.

_Isa dear, you are beautiful. Remember who you are. You are a caring person who loves fully, with her while being. You’ve been hurt, in more ways than one. Life is cruel and unfair. It’s what we do with what life throws at us that makes us who we are. Never forget how much your father and I loved you._

The night she dreamt of her mother, was the night she started feeling a little better. The soft reminder of her mother was enough to help her take on each day, one at a time.

But then there was that damned note. Isa tried not to dwell on it. What could she do? She didn’t want to take it up with her squad leader or the Commander. What would she say? That she received a note that suggests the sender offed a fellow scout? She had no proof the note was legit, plus she had no clue who wrote it or where to begin to look. It wasn’t worth risking Luna, Sherri, and Hange to bring it up.

But now that she knew just how serious this person was, it was another thing that rested in the back of her mind. She’d been mistaken to write off the first note, but she was at a loss as to what she could do to prevent anything else from happening.

Clearly this person hated her. They believed it to be her fault that they hadn’t made the top ten.

But that didn’t make any sense. They seemed to think she was out to get them, but that was ridiculous. She didn’t have time for something like that. Who did? Then again...this person clearly had time for their own desire for vengeance.

Is this what they wanted? For her to drive herself slowly insane wondering when they’d strike again?

She refused to let that happen. She thought of her mother and what she used to tell her.

_It’s what we do with what life throws at us that makes us who we are._

_~ - ~_

A little more than a month after the failed expedition, the Commander called all scouts into the courtyard before lunch.

Curious, Isa stood at attention with the rest of Flagon’s squad, towards the front of all the scouts. Erwin’s squad was next to hers.

Sofia stood beside her, Hange on her other side, and by the looks on both their faces, they were both just as confused and curious as Isa. It wasn’t often that Shadis called all the scouts like this. It must be for something important.

Sofia looked at Isa. “What do you think this is about?”

In front of her, their Squad Leader tensed at Sofia’s question.

_Does Flagon know why we were gathered here?_

Isa shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe it’s about the next expedition.”

Sofia’s brows knit thoughtfully, chin resting on her hand that was propped up by her other arm. “But wouldn’t that have just been told to us by our squad leaders? Would he have called a huge meeting like this just for that?”

Isa hummed. “That’s a fair point. Maybe it’s about Squad Leader Erwin’s top-secret mission.”

The day before, much to Isa’s puzzlement, Erwin had left base with some of the members of his own squad. She only knew that they’d left because the remaining members of his squad had come to train with Flagon’s.

“Maybe you girls should just wait and find out like the rest of us.”

Isa rolled her eyes at Sairam. “Would it kill you to not be such an ass?” She shot back.

Voice equally hostile, Sairam retorted, “Would it kill you to not be such a princess?”

“Fuck off Sairam.”

“My my, such vile language from the princess.”

“Enough!” Flagon’s command caused Isa to flinch.

“Yes sir.”

That didn’t stop the two from glaring at each other.

Finally, Shadis walked into the courtyard, followed by Erwin, Miche, and three people, two men and a young woman Isa had never seen before. Based on appearance alone, Isa figured the men were in their early twenties, the girl most likely in her late teens, probably around her or Hange’s age.

A curious murmur came over the crowd of scouts as they saw the trio come in wearing scout uniforms.

Shadis’ call for attention sent an immediate quiet rippling through the crowd.

Shadis went on to explain that the trio were going to be joining the scouts. Isa found that odd. She knew that the newest batch of cadets weren’t set to graduate for a while, so these three weren’t coming from training. She’d never heard of people being recruited without any prior training.

Isa watched as Erwin’s eyes moved across the crowd, as if he were looking for some sign of discontent from the scouts.

Shadis ordered the trio to introduce themselves.

The first one to introduce himself, was a man with raven hair, styled in an undercut, and sharp gray eyes. He stood shorter than the other man, yet, Isa felt that his aura was far more intimidating, his presence larger. He had a bored expression that said he couldn’t care less about anything, yet she could see that his eyes were constantly watching, constantly calculating, constantly taking in everything around him. She had a sense that he was always ready to pounce, no matter the situation.

Arms crossed he said in a bored tone that matched his expression, “Name’s Levi.”

Isa’s eyes went wide.

_That’s it. That’s all he’s going to say?_

Isa could hear more murmurs surrounding her. The others were just as shocked as she.

Isa looked over at Hange standing beside her, and she was sure her own face matched the perplexed expression on her friend’s.

“Silence!” Shadis called out. Turning back to the man named Levi, “You would do well to learn some discipline.”

Isa thought that was a little uncalled for. The words not so much, but the tone. The way he almost seemed to talk down to the man. These people clearly hadn’t gone through the training that taught them to respect their superiors. The judgmental tone was unnecessary in Isa’s opinion.

Levi didn’t bother giving a response.

The next one to speak up was the girl. Her hair was tied into two pigtails that Isa thought made her look more childlike than she probably was. Her wide green eyes with a childlike innocence in them didn’t exactly help.

In a cheery tone she introduced herself. “Isabel Magnolia, nice to meet all o’ ya.”

Isa couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s enthusiasm. Her personality clearly matched her childlike presence, yet there was a determined air about her. Isa didn’t doubt for a moment that the girl was more than capable of taking care of herself. She hadn’t thought she’d ever meet a person who had more energy than Hange, but she’d now been proven wrong. Isa just hoped she never lost that childlike innocence.

That left the other man. Taller than his two companions, his eyes were also gray, but a lighter color. While he appeared to be more friendly, Isa could tell he was just as calculating and perceptive as Levi.

He attempted to salute as he introduced himself. “I’m Furlan Church.”

Isa giggled at the man’s salute. His fist was upside down, but at least he was using the right arm.

Shadis’ next words took Isa by surprise. Apparently, the trio would be joining Flagon’s squad, and her Squad Leader did not seem happy with the news at all. Shadis’s eyes narrowed at Flagon when he questioned his commander.

“Is that a problem?” Shadis’ tone suggested that he did not care if it was a problem.

The exchange ended with Flagon reluctantly accepting Shadis’ orders.

After that, the scouts were dismissed. Flagon asked her to wait while he went to speak with the new recruits. She watched as he exchanged words with them. Isabel and Furlan didn’t seem to have any issues, but Levi’s eyes had narrowed as he regarded his superior.

Flagon made his way back over to Isa, where she awaited further instruction.

“Isa, after lunch you’re to come with me while I show the new recruits the barracks. After that, you’re to show them around the base.”

She blinked at him. “M-me?”

“Is that a problem Tudor?”

Isa thought it ironic that he was asking the same question that had been asked of him by Shadis...but Isa also thought it best to keep that tidbit to herself.

She shook her head. “Of course not sir, I just didn’t expect you to ask me since I’m still new.”

He sighed. “The other three are busy with other assignments. You’re my only other option.” He said with a clipped tone before marching off.

With nothing else to do, Isa made her way to the mess hall for lunch. As she ate, she was surprised to see Hange plop herself down beside her.

Seeing Isa’s shocked face, Hange said, “I’m done with Sherri telling me who I can and can’t sit with. If she wants to sit with me, then she can sit with you. Besides, Uma’s been sitting with us, so she’ll have her."

Isa had to look away so that Hange wouldn’t see the tears she was fighting back. “I’m sorry Hange.”

Hange’s eyes widened. “Why are you sorry? You weren’t the one making me choose. If anyone should be apologizing it should be me. You’re my best friend, and I’ve been a shitty one this past month.” Hange looked down at the table in shame. “I hope you can forgive me.”

“There isn’t anything to forgive.” Isa’s soft voice was barely audible.

Hange’s mouth dropped. “You’re too forgiving Isa. Why aren’t you mad at me?”

Isa’s brow knit in confusion. “I mean why would I be?” She didn’t see why she would be mad at Hange. She’d even told Hange that it was okay. There was no use in being mad at someone who hadn’t been intentionally trying to hurt her.

“Because I’ve basically abandoned you for the last month.” Hange’s voice was incredulous at the fact that Isa wasn’t upset with her.

Isa rolled her eyes. “Did you want to abandon me?”

Hange waved her hands in front of her shaking her head. “No of course not.”

“Then there’s nothing to be mad about.” To Isa, that was that. Nothing else mattered. Hange hadn’t purposely ignored her for most of the past month. She knew that. As much as it had hurt, she couldn’t bring herself to be mad, not even to Sherri.

“I still think you’re too forgiving.”

Isa just shrugged.

Before either girl could say anything else, the mess hall grew quiet as the new recruits entered the room. Hange and Isa watched as the trio grabbed their lunch and walked over to sit by the window at a table near theirs. Chatter around them slowly resumed.

“So what do you think about the new recruits? They’re going to be joining your squad aren’t they.” Hange had that ever present, curious glint in her eyes.

Isa hummed. “I’m not sure what to think about them. Flagon wants me to show them around the base today?”

“Really! You have to tell me all about them.” The curious glint had turned a bit more maniacal, but Isa didn’t blame Hange. Everyone was wondering about the trio, where they came from, why they’d been recruited.

At that moment, as if sensing the two women were talking about him, Levi’s gaze snapped to Isa’s. His cold, gray eyes locked onto her deep brown eyes. Most people in her situation would have cowered. Instead, she merely regarded him curiously, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel unsettled at the intensity of his stare, feeling it to the brink of her soul. It was as if he were picking apart every fear, every doubt, every desire.

She fought to maintain composure as she felt something electric race through her veins. Heart pounding, for some unknown reason she couldn’t understand, something she’d never felt. Vaguely, a thought ran through her mind.

_Does his heart race like mine?_

Nothing in his expression clued her in to anything he might have been thinking, feeling. His face was completely unreadable.

He was the first to break eye contact when his attention was drawn to something Isabel said, and the breath Isa didn’t realize she’d been holding rushed out through trembling lips.

“Earth to Isa,” a hand waving in front of her face brought her attention back Hange.

Blinking as her heart rate slowly settled, she looked at Hange. “What?”

Smirking Hange said, “Mmhmm, I’m sure if I had just locked eyes in that heated stare, I’d probably be a bit stunned too. I’m surprised I didn’t get burned with the electricity that was snapping between you two."

Cheeks flaming, Isa glared at her friend. “You have to be insane to think that. No way in hell.”

Hange gave her a bland look. “Isa. I know you. You’re my best friend. And because of that, I know when you’re in denial. Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face this red before.”

Ignoring her claim, Isa stood up. “I’d better go before I’m late meeting with Flagon. I’m not getting yelled at because you’re delusional.”

Hange pouted. “Hey that hurts.”

Isa merely gave Hange a half-hearted wave as she walked out the mess hall. She didn’t notice the pair of calculating eyes that followed her receding figure out the door.

Isa found Flagon standing outside the main building. She gave him a salute, which he waved off.

“Isa, what have you heard about the new recruits?”

“Not much sir. Just what Commander Shadis told us.”

Flagon hummed. He seemed to be having some sort of internal debate about what to say next. Finally, he said, “Don’t spread this information around, but they’re from the Underground.”

At the mention of the Underground, Isa’s blood froze. “Why are you telling me this sir?” She tried to keep her voice steady, casual.

“I’ve asked you to show them around. But I also want you to help me keep an eye on them. So I need you to watch yourself around them.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, a warning tone taking over her voice that went unnoticed by Flagon. “Just because they’re from the Underground doesn’t mean they’re bad people.”

“If you knew the things they’d done—”

“What? I’d change my mind? I doubt it. The people in the Underground do what they can to survive. I’m sure they’ve committed crimes but so what? People living above wouldn’t understand what it’s like to do whatever you need to do to survive.” The nerve of the man, to judge them just because of where they’d come from. It was no different than Sairam judging her and assuming she was some princess because she came from Mitras.

She spat out her final point. “Besides, you act like people above ground don’t commit crimes. I saw my fair share of crimes in Mitras, probably worse than what goes on in the Underground, and watched the Military Police turn a blind eye at the promise of a satchel full of coins.”

Flagon looked slightly taken aback at Isa’s hostile tone, and she could understand why. She tried to remain respectful around her superiors, but the way Flagon was talking about them, judging them, without even knowing who they are, triggered a deep-seated anger inside of her that she always kept locked away.

Before he could say anything else, Flagon’s attention snapped to something behind Isa. She turned around and saw the new recruits standing behind her. She wondered how much they’d heard.

“Good, you’re actually on time.”

Isa watched the shorter man’s eyes narrow at Flagon’s condescending tone.

Flagon turned his attention to Isa. “Introduce yourself to the new recruits.”

“Isa Tudor, coming from Mitras.” The trio didn’t seem surprised to hear where she was from. “I’m part of Squad Leader Flagon’s squad, and I’ve been tasked to show you around base after we show you the barracks."

Isa took in the expressions of the trio in front of her. Levi looked bored, but his eyes were regarding her with suspicion. Furlan watched her with caution but seemed friendly enough. Isabel had the friendliest expression on her face of the three, though Isa didn’t suspect for a second that she wasn’t just as wary as her friends.

_I don’t blame them for being suspicious. If they come from the Underground, they’re going to be used to having to watch their backs every second of every day. I wouldn’t expect them to trust the rest of us immediately._

“Alright, I don’t think you need them to reintroduce themselves do you Tudor.”

“No sir.”

“Good, then let’s get this over with.”

Isa walked beside Isabel, as the four of them followed Flagon to the barracks. She figured she may as well get to know them since they’d be on her squad, and Isabel seemed like the best first option.

_I suck at this, but at least I have more practice now thanks to Hange and…_

She stopped herself before she could list her other two friends, not wanting to bring her mood down.

Luckily, Isabel didn’t seem to have any issues making conversation, which made the process easier for Isa.

“You’re from Mitras? We rode through there when they brought us up from the Underground.”

Even though Isa was grateful for Isabel steering the conversation, she wished that the girl had picked a different topic other than Mitras. “Yea, that’s where I…grew up.”

“What’s it like there? What are the people like?”

Isa wasn’t sure how much of her opinion to give away. “The people there aren’t always…the best.”

“It sure doesn’t sound like it, based on what you were telling that Flagon guy earlier.”

Isa flushed. “Oh, I…didn’t realize you’d heard that.” She wasn’t sure how she felt at having been caught disrespecting a superior and speaking in ill terms about the nobles in Mitras.

Isabel gave her a grin. “Yup, sure did. Thanks for that. I thought it was awful nice of you to defend people you don’t know.”

A blunt voice cut in. “More like idiotic.”

Eyes narrowing Isa bristled at the tone that came from behind her.

_Okay I get being suspicious, but that’s just uncalled for._

Isabel laughed at Isa’s reaction, and was quick to reassure her. “Don’t worry about bro. He just likes people to think he’s tough.”

Before Isa could say anything else, Flagon cut in, opening the door to the building they’d arrived at. “This is the military barracks.”

Isa could tell Flagon had to hold himself back from rolling his eyes and snapping when Isabel thought the three of them would get to stay in the same place. She did notice that his tone was still harsh when he told Isabel that there was a separate barracks for women.

She thought it was adorable that Isabel wanted to stay close to her friends, and she understood why Isabel was so distraught when Flagon said that she would be staying in the women’s barracks. If these two men were her family, she’d be alone in the barracks.

Understanding that lonely feeling, Isa made to reassure the girl. “Hey don’t worry Isabel, I’ll be there too. You can even meet my friend Hange, we’ve known each other since day one of training.”

Isabel seemed to perk back up at the thought of having an ally in the women’s barracks.

Isa watched as Levi approached one of the bunks and dragged his hand across the bottom of the top bed.

She wasn’t quite sure why Isabel and Furlan’s faces had paled, until she saw Levi’s disgusted face as loose dirt and dust fell to the floor, coating his hands.

_Hmm, he must like things to be clean. I don’t really blame him, the Underground isn’t the cleanest of places. Probably doesn’t like the reminders of it._

What surprised Isa, was Flagon’s degrading comment about ‘needing to keep the place clean despite having lived in a trash heap.’

Isa’s eyes narrowed at Flagon’s assumption. Again, he’s judging them based on where they come from. She was sorely tempted to snap at him and say where you come from doesn’t dictate how clean you are. She’d seen how filthy the people in Mitras could be. If it weren’t for the servants, the nobles would be living in filth, not knowing how to clean up after themselves.

Isa held herself back…barely. She didn’t want to disrespect her superior twice in one day, but she so wanted to put him in his place.

Levi’s incredulous look told Isa he didn’t appreciate the judgment one bit. Isa watched as Levi approached Flagon, who seemed to grow nervous and defensive under Levi’s dangerous gaze and harsh tone as he confronted Flagon for the bias. Isa watched as Flagon attempted to reprimand him for approaching a superior in such a manner, but she thought it looked as if Levi didn’t care at all for formalities if Flagon was going to be so flippantly arrogant.

Isa was relieved when Furlan cut in before the conflict could increase any further. He gave Flagon a promise that they’d keep it clean and gave another salute. Isa had to hold back her laugh as she watched him hold his fist upside down again.

Flagon, apparently wanting to get in the last word, called back to them as he walked out. “Isa, when you’re done showing them around the base, bring them to the training grounds.”

“Yes sir.” She gave him a firm salute, looking at Furlan and indicating towards her fist. He caught on and corrected himself.

As soon as Flagon was gone, Furlan turned back to Levi. “Didn’t I tell you not to cause trouble!”

Isa jumped a little at Furlan’s tone. He’d shifted from apologetic to accusatory so fast she could barely keep up.

“Didn’t you hear how he talked about us? Like shit calling shit dirty.”

“Ugh, Levi.”

Isa couldn’t help but agree with Levi. “He’s got a point Furlan. I’ve noticed some of the people around here don’t have the highest opinion of you three, like they’ve forgotten that even the people of Mitras can be criminals, or filthy.”

Levi’s gaze was suspicious. “What’s your deal?”

“Not sure what you mean.”

“We don’t need you to defend us.” His tone was firm.

Isa shrugged. “That’s fine. I’m not saying that to defend you. It’s the truth. I spent most of my childhood in Mitras. I saw how people can be there. They act all high and mighty forgetting that their shit stinks as much as the next person’s.”

If Levi was surprised by her comment, he didn’t show it. Instead he turned to his friends and told them they were going to clean up every single bit of dirt.

Isa giggled at Isabel’s incredulous tone when she asked if Levi was serious about doing that now.

Levi turned to Isa again. “Surely someone from Mitras isn’t too spoiled to know where the cleaning supplies are.”

Eyes turning cold, Isa raised a brow at the assumption.

_Seriously, what did I just say? Like it went in one ear and out the other._

Furlan gave a nervous chuckle. “I think what Levi means to say, is that he would greatly appreciate it if you could bring us some cleaning supplies, so we can go ahead and get this place in tip-top shape before you show us around base. We can go ahead and get started here while we wait for you to return."

She gave Furlan a curious look. “You must do that a lot. Cut in before things can escalate. You did it earlier with Flagon, and now with me.”

He just gave a sheepish shrug.

Resigned, Isa sighed. “Fine, I’ll be back. Just…bear in mind that, from what I've seen, not a lot of people are going to be welcoming here.” She met Levi’s appraising gaze again. “It would do you well to take allies where you can find them. I’m not your enemy.”

And with that, she walked out of the room to the supply closet down the hall in the barracks.

Whatever conversation they had while Isa was gone, she was unaware of. She returned and was intrigued to see Levi rubbing Isabel’s hair affectionately.

_Hmm, not as cold as you try to play yourself off to be._

She stepped back into the room, trying not to laugh at the cloth on Levi’s head. “Here guys, found this broom and this bucket. I went ahead and filled it with some soap and water, and well found these rags too.”

Levi stepped forward and yanked the broom out of Isa’s hands passing it to Furlan, and threw a rag at Isabel, instructing them to clean up.

When Levi said “You wouldn’t want me to cause trouble would you,” Isa couldn’t help but laugh, earning herself a glare from Levi.

Between the four of them, they made relatively quick work of tidying up. Isa found herself in charge of scrubbing the floor after Levi finished sweeping up a section, Isabel scrubbed the windows, and Furlan scrubbed the furniture. Levi critiqued Isabel and Furlan every step of the way, but surprisingly didn’t have anything negative to say about Isa’s cleaning.

His only comment was when he said, “Never thought someone from Mitras would even know how to scrub a floor.”

Her eyes flashed daggers at the condescending tone. He didn’t even flinch at her glare.

_This man is truly testing my patience._

“Clearly you haven’t listened to me at all. It doesn’t matter where a person comes from. They can be clean, dirty, smart, stupid, good, bad, no matter where they were born.” She snapped at him.

He didn’t bother answering her.

She didn’t notice Isabel and Furlan sending them amused glances as they bickered.

Once Levi was satisfied with the status of the room, he merely nodded his head at Isa, and she took it as his indication that they could move on to the base tour.

_Guess I wasn’t too far off in him liking things clean._

While they’d cleaned, Isa had thought about where she should take them first. She’d decided on the stables, only because Luna would be able to calm her nerves. When they’d been cleaning, she hadn’t been in charge of the conversation, but now that she’d be leading them around the base, their attention would be on her, and she wasn’t sure which had her more on edge, all three of them paying attention to her, or if it was just Levi.

She led the way to the stables. Normally she let Luna free in the pasture, but she’d trained with her this morning, and had settled her back in her stall to let her rest a little bit.

At the mention of horses, Isabel seemed to perk up.

“You mean you guys have horses?”

“Of course, idiot, how else do you think they’d get around outside the walls?”

Isa laughed when Isabel just stuck her tongue at out Levi, but was a little surprised when he just rolled his eyes.

Isabel looked at Isa with a grin. “I’m pretty sure Levi is glad that I ask what he thinks are dumb questions. Saves him from having to ask them.”

Isa giggled at that. Levi merely glowered at the two girls.

Inside the stable, Isa showed the trio the tack rooms where all the equipment was held. Each scout had a large locker that had a stand for the saddle and saddle pads, and hooks to hang the bridle, reins, lead, and halter. There was also a small storage section at the bottom of the locker, which is where Isa kept Luna’s treats and the special soap she’d bought for her.

Since joining, Isa had wondered who the owner of her locker before her had been.

“Oh look, it looks like they’ve already put your names on your lockers.”

Levi’s and Furlan’s were in the two lockers beside hers, and Isabel’s was on the other side of the tack room.

Isa took notice when Isabel pouted when she saw hers was separated from her friends. She remembered how sad the girl had been when she learned that the three of them wouldn’t be in the same barracks.

An idea occurred to Isa. “Isabel, do you wanna switch lockers with me so your stuff can be next to Levi’s and Furlan’s?”

Isa brightened at that. “Are you sure you won’t get in trouble?”

“Of course not, it’s our lockers so the higher ups don’t care as long as we’re not messing with someone else’s stuff that isn’t ours…oof.” Her breath was knocked out of her as Isabel tackled her in a big hug.

“Isa you’re so nice, I don’t care what bro says.”

She raised a brow. “Oh really now.” She met Levi’s gaze, who was watching her with what could pass for a thoughtful expression.

Isabel and Isa made quick work of switching their stuff, and Isabel beamed when her name was in the locker beside Levi’s.

“You’ll probably get your tack today or tomorrow once you’ve been assigned a horse. Whichever horse you’re assigned determines the sizes needed for your tack.”

Isabel looked thrilled at the thought of having her own horse.

Isa then led them down the stable to where the stalls were. Most of the horses were out in the pastures, but some were relaxing in their stalls. When she got to Luna’s the mare had already stuck her head over the stall door, eager to see Isa.

“Hey girl, I’ve brought you some new friends.” As an afterthought she gave Luna a warning look. “You’d better behave.”

The playful look in the mare’s eyes made Isa laugh.

She turned to face the trio. “This is Luna. She was my horse during training as a cadet, and I was able to keep her.”

“Do you normally not keep the horses you use in training?” Furlan’s voice was curious.

“No, once you join the Scouts, they normally assign you one. But I couldn’t bear to part with Luna, so thankfully, our head instructor allowed me to bring her with me.” She looked at the three recruits watching the mare. “You guys can pet her if you want. She’s friendly, if not a bit playful.”

Isabel couldn’t contain the squeal as she reached up a hand to pet Luna’s muzzle. The mare nickered at Isabel, sniffing her hair.

Isabel laughed. “Hey that tickles. Guys come on, come pet her.”

Furlan and Levi approached the mare, and raised tentative hands, Furlan to her neck, Levi to the other side of her muzzle.

What surprised Isa was the hearty lick Luna gave Levi’s face as he stroked her muzzle.

Isabel could not contain the laugh when she saw Levi’s face. The look bordered on distraught and traumatized.

Isabel and Furlan just looked worried for Isabel for laughing at Levi.

Between gasps for air, Isa said, “I think she likes you.”

Levi glared at her, as he furiously wiped at his face with the handkerchief he’d pulled from his pocket. His glare did nothing but fuel Isa’s cackles.

Her laughter finally calming, she said, “It usually just means that they like the salt on your skin. Maybe you should do a better job washing your face.” She gave Levi a cheeky grin.

Levi merely grumbled, still trying to wipe off the slobber from his face. Isa thought she heard him say something about making sure his horse never does something so vile and disgusting, and she just shook her head in amusement.

Isa turned to Isabel. “I was going to take her out to the pasture now, do you want to lead her?”

Isabel’s eyes went wide with wonder. “Really? I can do that.”

“Of course, let me go grab her halter and lead.” Wishing she’d thought to grab it earlier, she walked back to the tack room.

As she made her way back, she overheard Isa scolding Levi. “Don’t be so mean to her. She’s really nice.”

“No one is just nice for no reason.” Isa thought his tone seemed more thoughtful than suspicious.

“You were nice to me when—”

Isabel cut herself off when she heard Isa’s footsteps.

_I wonder what she was going to say. And what did Levi mean by that? Has no one ever done anything nice for him just because?_

“Here Isabel you can put her halter on for her if you want.”

“Oh, but I don’t know how.”

“It’s okay, I’ll show you.”

Isa slowly walked Isabel through the steps of hooking the lead onto the halter first, and then gently sliding it onto Luna’s muzzle and over her ears.

After Isa checked to make sure the halter was fastened and tightened correctly, she gave Isabel her next instruction. “Alright, now you’re going to want to stand beside her left shoulder. The hand closest to her will be the one to lead her. Your other hand will hold the slack of the lead.”

“Are we going to go sometime today?”

Isa glared at Levi, before saying to Isabel. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m going to open the stall door, and then you’ll just give the lead a gentle tug to let Luna know you want her to move.”

Isabel nodded when she was ready, and Isa opened up the stall door. Isabel softly clucked her tongue, gently tugged Luna’s lead, and began leading her out of the stable.

“You guys look! I’m doing it.”

Furlan gave Isabel an affectionate smile. Isa watched as Levi simply gave Isabel a small nod of encouragement, giving no other sign that he was impressed.

Isa led them to the pasture where the other horses were roaming, and opened the gate.

“Now, make sure you take her halter off.”

“Why?”

“Well, if you leave the halter on a horse, they could get injured. If they go to scratch an itch on the fence, the halter could get stuck, so it’s best to take it off.”

Isabel gasped at the thought of accidentally injuring such a beautiful creature. She made quick work of gently removing the halter and lead.

With a final nicker, Luna trotted off into the field to join the other horses in their grazing.

After that, Isa showed them where the showers were. It was located on the ground floor of the main building, sectioned off into two parts, one side for the men, the other side for the women.

She made sure to show them where Flagon’s office was, in case they ever needed to speak to him or if they were called to his office for some reason.

Since that covered the main parts of the base, Isa led them to the training grounds to meet up with Flagon’s squad.

A thought occurred to Isa as they walked. “You guys only got here this morning, right?”

“Yea, we left Mitras early this morning, and then got here a little bit before your Commander had us introduce ourselves.”

“He’s your Commander now too, Furlan.” Isa teased. “I was wondering, because if you guys only just got here, then you haven’t seen the sunset.”

“The sunset?” Isabel’s wide eyes held an intrigued look at the idea.

“Yea, every day, at the end of the day, the suns goes down, and there’s all these pretty colors. The sky gets darker until it’s the night sky with the stars.”

Isabel gasped. “Can we see it?”

“Sure, I can show you guys my spot where I like to go to watch it, later today after dinner if you want.”

“Where is that?”

Isa grinned at Isabel. “It’ll be a surprise.”

She didn’t miss the suspicious glance Levi threw her way, but she just shrugged it off.

_Maybe this will show him that I’m not their enemy._

“Just meet me outside the mess hall after dinner, and we’ll go then.”

By then, they had arrived at the training grounds where Flagon and the rest of his squad were ready.

“About time. Took you long enough Isa.”

“Well you wanted them to clean up and then you wanted me to show them around base, so I’m not sure what you expected.”

_Okay…so much for not getting hostile with your squad leader twice in one day Isa._

Flagon glared at her. “I’m going to let the snark slide one more time. Let it happen again and it’ll be laps with no dinner.”

“Yes _sir._ ”

_Dammit Isa, stop testing him._

Luckily, the way she said ‘sir’ went over Flagon’s head. He had the the rest of the squad introduce themselves.

With the way Sairam was looking at the trio, as if they were horse shit on the side of the streets, made Isa think that Flagon had told his squad that they came from the Underground. Ironic, considering he’d told her not to say anything.

Isa thought Sofia and Ingrid looked more pensive than anything, much to Isa’s relief.

_At least the majority of our squad doesn’t look down on them. Hopefully it stays that way._

Flagon took his squad over to some horses for the trio to choose from. Isabel chose a tan mare, who held a playful glint in her eyes, similar to the one Isa often saw in Luna. She’d seen the two mares get into more mischief than any other pair of horses.

Furlan chose a brown stallion, who also seemed to hold a playful nature, but was more reserved. Isa had seen him out in the pasture and seemed as though he got along well with the other horses.

Finally, Levi settled on a black stallion, and Isa just knew that the only reason he picked that horse is because he was the only one that Levi thought would reframe from licking him. She’d seen that stallion in the pastures as well. He seemed to be a bit of a loner, though he had warmed up enough to Luna. Isa was certain that was in large part due to Luna’s stubborn streak.

_Hmm, fitting that they chose these horses that all kind of seemed to fit their personalities. I think it’s perfect._

Levi noted the playful look on Isa’s face, and his eyes narrowed. “What are you smiling at?”

Her smile only grew. “Nothing of importance.”

After the trio chose their horses, Flagon told them to stay behind as he dismissed the rest of the squad for the day.

As Isa walked away, Isabel called out, “We’ll see you later Isa.”

Isa turned and gave a small wave, and then made her way to the mess hall for dinner, making a stop to shower and change along the way.

In the mess hall, she found a table to herself and sat to enjoy her dinner. Or at least try to. Eating the same thing every day did get tedious, and she didn’t often have the chance to go to Trost to enjoy any of the local taverns.

As she ate, Hange sat beside her again. “How was your day?”

“It was good, Flagon had me show the new recruits around.”

She looked up and saw that said recruits were making their way over to where Isa and Hange sat, though Isa could tell that Levi was basically being dragged there against his will by Isabel.

“Hi Isa, mind if we sit with you?”

“Of course she doesn’t mind. Why would she mind? Hi I’m Hange! I’m Isa’s best friend!”

“Hange, at least let them sit down first.” Isa shook her head at her friend’s energy. “Sorry, she gets excited around new people.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve been dying to meet you guys since I heard they were putting you in Flagon’s squad earlier during that meeting. Where are you guys from? It doesn’t look like you’ve had any training, are you guys any good? You must be, if you’re being put straight into Flagon’s squad. Where did you guys learn?”

“Oi, do you ever shut up?”

Hange just laughed, but Isa looked dumbfounded at Levi’s rather rude question…fair question, she had to admit…but rude, nonetheless. Before she could say anything, Isabel spoke up. “Bro, don’t be so mean.”

“Bro? Is he your brother? You guys don’t look related, but I guess that doesn’t really mean anything. Just because people don’t look alike doesn’t mean they aren’t—”

Isa’s hand covering Hange’s mouth cut her off. “Hange, we’ve talked about this, if you’re going to ask questions, at least give the other person time to answer.”

Hange gave a muffled ‘sorry.’ When Isa moved her hand there was a sheepish grin on Hange’s face, her eyes glinting playfully.

Isabel did her best to answer Hange’s questions. “Well, we’re from the Underground, so no we didn’t have any training, but we’re really good. Levi here is the best.” She said with a proud smile. “We aren’t related, but Levi is still my bro. And don’t worry about him. It’s his way of saying ‘how are we supposed to answer your questions if you don’t give us the chance to.’”

 _Fair enough._ Isa thought to herself.

“How did you guys meet?”

“Well Furlan here practically begged Levi to join his gang. Levi found me when I was younger and saved me. He basically adopted me.”

“Isabel.” Levi’s warning tone drew Isa’s gaze to him. She took in the glare he sent Isabel, but she also noted that he wasn’t making eye contact.

_Is he…embarrassed for people to know he did something nice? Does he want people to think he doesn’t have a soft side? But…why?_

The rest of dinner passed with Hange asking the trio a multitude of questions. She wanted to know what it was like in the Underground, what the people there were like, what they thought when they stepped out of the stairwell and into Mitras. Isabel answered most of them. Furlan would jump in every now and then to answer, but Levi would only speak to cut them off when he felt they were sharing too much.

When they’d finished dinner, Isa asked the trio to go wait for her outside the mess hall while she talked to Hange.

When they’d left, Isa turned to Hange. “Okay, so I’m going to take them up to the roof to show them the sunset and—”

Hange’s face turned excited. “Can I come? I want to come too please.” Her tone was borderline begging.

“Hange, no. I think they’ve had enough questions for one night.”

Hange pouted. “Aww, I promise I’ll be quiet.”

Isa merely sent her a bland look.

Hange sighed. “Fine, but you’d better tell me everything.”

Isa rolled her eyes. “I doubt there’ll be much to tell, but fine I promise.”

Isa left Hange as she went to meet up with the trio. She found them waiting outside the mess hall like she’d asked, and this made her oddly happy. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe she expected them to not want to spend more time with her, even with the promise of the sunset.

She gave them a smile. “Alright guys follow me. You’ll like this, I promise.”

The trio followed Isa as she walked up the stairs to the upper floor of the base and down a long hallway, where a door at the end stood. She opened the door, leading them up some more stairs until finally they got to the door leading to the roof.

She peeked outside and saw that the sun was just starting to set.

_Perfect._

She turned back to the trio. “Okay, we’re just in time, but I want you guys to close your eyes so—”

“No.” It was Levi who cut her off.

She met Levi’s calculating gaze, and her stomach flipped as she looked into his gray eyes. She tried to communicate that she wasn’t going to hurt them. Chewing her lip she wasn’t really sure how to proceed. She really wanted them to wait until they were on the roof so that they could take in the full effect of the sunset, but she also understood that Levi didn’t trust her to not try something.

“Okay, you…you don’t have to close your eyes if you don’t want to. I promise I’m not going to do anything, I told you before. I’m not your enemy. But I understand.”

“I don’t know why you’re so worried bro. Isa hasn’t done anything to us, if anything, she’s been the nicest person here.”

Levi didn’t bother answering.

Isabel shrugged. “I trust you Isa, I’ll close my eyes.” She covered her eyes with one of her hands, putting her trust into Isa.

Isa smiled. “Perfect, here, hold my hand, and I’ll guide you out.”

Before she could grab Isabel’s hand, Levi had pushed her hand out of the way, and taken the girl’s hand himself, giving Isa a warning look to not try anything funny.

She looked at Furlan, who was giving her a similar look, not fully trusting her either.

It hurt more than Isa wanted to admit, but she kept reminding herself that it would take time before she’d earn their trust. It was harder than she thought. She’d never been faced with such a challenging person. She didn’t know why she wanted them to trust her so badly, she just knew she did.

Not wanting to waste any more time arguing, she met Levi’s eyes again, and nodded. Isa opened the door, and led the trio out onto the rooftop.

As they walked out onto the roof, the sun was low on the horizon, the sky just starting to change to the purples and oranges that hinted of the coming dusk.

She glanced behind her, and it pleased her to see Levi and Furlan’s faces. Both sets of eyes had widened, taking in the glorious scene before them. They had frozen in place, unable to move, Levi still holding tight to Isabel’s hand.

Isabel was impatient. “Bro, why did we stop, can I open my eyes? I want to see!”

Smiling to herself, she reached back to grab Levi’s free hand, fighting back a blush when she felt the warmth of his hand on hers and his gray eyes snapped to meet her brown ones, the suspicion gone, replaced by something else she couldn’t place, something that had her heart flip in her chest and beat just a little faster.

With her other hand, she took Furlan’s, who jolted at the touch, having been mesmerized by the sunset.

She gently led them over to the battlements, where she always liked to sit. “Okay Isabel, you can open your eyes now.”

When the girl moved her hand from in front of her eyes, her mouth dropped. The sky had exploded into an array of color. Orange gave way to purples and pinks, swirling into a majestic sight in front of them. The sun was now a softer yellow in the center of the horizon and was a strong contrast to the deep colors in the sky.

Isa watched as tears began to fall from the girl’s eyes. “Isabel…are…are you okay?”

The girl didn’t want to draw her gaze away from the sight in front of her. “I…I just never thought I’d be up here, to be able to see something like this. And yet here I am. I feel like I’m dreaming.” She wiped at the tears on her face.

Isa knew all too well how she felt. Unsure of what to say or do, Isa settled with putting her arm around the girl’s shoulders. “You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

They stood in silence, as they watched the colors give way to twilight, and then to the dark of night. The stars slowly began to twinkle on the dark canvas as the light of day faded.

“If you think this was nice, wait until you see your first sunrise.”

Isabel gasped. “You mean this happens twice in a day?”

Isa nodded. “In a sense. At sunrise, the colors aren’t as vibrant, but there’s something nice about seeing the morning slowly come. Everything is quiet and peaceful as everything starts to wake up.” Her voice had grown soft as she described the early mornings.

Isabel chewed on her lip. “Can...can we watch the sunrise too?”

“We can, but it’ll be a long time before it comes.”

“I don’t want to leave, I want to stay here all night.”

“We can stay if you want. I don’t know if your friends want to though.”

Isabel looked at Levi and Furlan with pleading eyes. “Please, can we stay here? I don’t want to go to bed, I want to stay here so we can watch the sunrise.”

Levi merely rolled his eyes, but Furlan looked at Isa curiously. “Is there not some sort of curfew? I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

Isa read the meaning behind the words and understood that what Furlan meant was that he didn’t want the three of them getting into trouble if that’s what she was trying to do.

She shook her head. “The higher ups don’t care. They have too much going on to worry about something as silly as what time people go to sleep. Besides, it’s common for people to have trouble sleeping, so it would be pointless. They really only care that you’re on time for training.”

That seemed to satisfy Furlan.

Isabel grew excited. “So we can stay?”

“Sure—” Her breath was knocked out of her as Isabel hugged her fiercely.

_This girl is very affectionate, I wonder how her friends manage. They don’t seem like the affectionate type, especially Levi._

Isabel pulled back and settled on one of the battlements to watch as more and more stars took over the sky.

Isa looked at Furlan and Levi. “I’m going to grab some blankets from one of the storage closets. It gets chilly at night.”

She left them alone and made her way to a storage closet that was on the floor before the stairway up to the roof. She found some blankets and a couple of pillows, and then made her way back up to the roof. There she found that the three of them had settled themselves on the battlement. She thought the sight was nice, to see all three of them together.

It was clear to Isa that they were close, and they considered each other as family. Levi seemed to be the most protective, constantly watching out for them. He hadn’t even let her touch Isabel when he thought she was leading them into some type of trap. He didn’t speak much, but when he did, it was either to hand off some insult, or signal his distrust in the moment.

As she approached them, she heard the final tails of whatever conversation they’d been having as Levi said, “I’m going to trust you.”

_I wonder what they were talking about._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trumpet fanfare* And we have the trio, yayyy XD And also the longest chapter yet…holy wow this thing is almost 9k words haha. I hope the first four chapters weren’t boring…or any of the chapters if I’m being honest, which I know I've said before buttt like I also said, harsh self-critic here hehe 
> 
> I hope it wasn’t too cliché to end the chapter on a sunset…it just felt like a right place to put the sunset scene.
> 
> When it comes to the canon stuff, I’m going to do my best to make sure it’s not a play by play of events, since we all know what happens in the actual show (barring S4 stuff, unless you've read the manga, which I haven't). If it ever feels like I’m doing too much of exactly what happens, please let me know. My goal is to focus on Isa’s experience within the events. Right now, it won’t be too difficult for that, since most of this stuff is going to be made up since we don’t get a lot of life before the main events, but once we get there (might be a bit though since this is only just year 844) just keep that in mind.
> 
> In terms of timeline stuff, I'm going based more on the manga where they're actually in training for several months before they go on that...dreaded expedition. I wanted to do that so I could have Isa spend a little more time with all three of them, since in the OVA it almost seems like they're only there for a few days before they head off on that expedition.
> 
> I hope I did alright with depicting the trio. They're really hard to write, especially Isabel and Furlan, since they don't have a lot of screen time in the manga & OVA. I mean, Levi is an enigma on his own that is difficult to keep in character, but at least I have more material to pull from.
> 
> I hope you’re enjoying this, let me know if you are...if you want. :) Thank you for reading! :)


	6. The Trio-Part 2

The trio turned to face her as she approached them. She set the blankets and pillows on the roof floor, and then settled herself beside Isabel.

They sat in silence as they watched the stars. Isa recognized all the different shapes that Hange had shown them all those months ago. Their laughter filled her mind as she remembered the sweet moment. Sherri and Lucy had let loose wistful sighs at the story of true love. They had dreamed of the day they would each find their own love like that.

She felt a pang in her heart as she thought of the happier time between her and her three friends.

_It feels like just yesterday we were all in training. How is it that everything went to shit so fast? Is there a way for me to fix this?_

Needing a distraction, she asked the others, “Have you guys ever heard any of the stories about the constellations”

Furlan looked a bit taken aback, brows knitting in confusion. “Constellations?”

“Yea, if you look closely, some of the groups of stars make out different shapes, called constellations. Back in training, Hange found these old books in the library that held these stories about how the stars used to be people and animals that got sent up to the sky.”

Levi scoffed.

Isa’s face flushed at his reaction, now wishing she hadn’t brought up something so stupid. “I know, it sounds ridiculous, I thought so too when Hange told us about them, but they were still fun stories to hear.”

Isabel gave Levi a glare for his rudeness. “Well I don’t care if they’re ridiculous, I wanna hear them.”

Isa gave Isabel a grateful smile. “Sure, if you want.”

And so, Isa began pointing out the different clusters of stars and the stories behind them. The first one she shared was of the cluster of three stars that formed an almost perfectly straight line.

The story she told was one of forbidden love. "According to legend, long before the titans, there was a fierce hunter who was the daughter of a king. There had been only one person who could rival her skills. A commoner. The two fell in love with each other, though their love was doomed from the start. A royal and a peasant could never truly be together.

"One day, the two were discovered by her older brother. Angered, he took his sister to a lake one day under the guise of having a hunting competition to see who could shoot their arrow the farthest. Her arrow shot through the heart of her beloved who was out on the lake that day. His death sent her spiraling into a grief unlike any she had ever known. It was so powerful, that it sent his body up to the night sky, where he could watch over her for the rest of her days. The three stars were his belt, and if you looked closely, you could see the shape of a man holding a sword and shield, fighting off the unknown."

Isabel was enthralled in the tale, eyes wide like a child. Isa couldn’t help but laugh at her expression.

“Can you imagine loving someone so much that your grief alone sends their soul into the sky?”

Isa shrugged. “Not really, for me it’s a bit hard to believe.” She didn’t admit that she so desperately wanted to believe in love. She wasn’t naïve enough to believe that a person’s love could be powerful enough to do something like that, but she wanted to know if that deep, romantic love, the kind you read in romances stories, even existed.

Something in the back of her mind, that dark part of her that always reared its head when she had hopeful thoughts, told her that even if it did, she’d never have it.

“Aww Isa, where’s your sense of romance?”

“Probably buried somewhere in Mitras with the rest of my childhood.” Isa’s eyes widened when she realized what she’d said. She hadn’t meant to say that, but the thought had just moved from her mind to her mouth before she could stop it. She didn’t want questions she wasn’t ready for.

Thankfully, Isabel looked to be at a loss as to what she could possibly say. Hoping to move on quickly, Isa found the next cluster. This one looked like the shape of a ‘w.’

This story was one about the dangers of ego. "Long ago, there was a Queen, who claimed that her daughter was more beautiful than the daughter of the King in a neighboring kingdom. The King, equally prideful, sent an evil creature to kill the daughter, the Queen, and all of her family. Instead, the creature that was supposed to kill the daughter, saved her. As punishment, the king banished them all, creature, Queen, daughter, and family, to the night sky as stars."

With this tale, Isa earned a laugh from Furlan, who said, “Serves the queen right for being so prideful.”

Isa laughed in agreement. “No kidding. Pride like that gets you nowhere and nothing. And serves the king right for trying to get something else to do his dirty business.”

She’d seen that type of boastful ego all over in Mitras. The nobles thought they were untouchable, the best of the best, and that anyone outside the inner city was below them. She’d longed to see the day where they ate their words, but it had never happened.

When she spotted the next cluster, she was quick to point it out. “This one is one of my favorites. If you look, it looks like a big spoon. If you pay attention to the stars around it, they actually start to look like a big bear.”

This story told a tale about betrayal. "Long ago, there was a woman who lay with the King, betraying his Queen. The Queen caught them in the act, and was outraged. In an act of vengeance, the Queen turned the woman into a bear and then sent her to the sky as punishment.”

“All these stories seem to just be the sort of thing you’d tell children so they behave.”

Isa just laughed at Isabel’s summary. “You’re not far, that’s exactly what I thought when Hange first told us these stories. Still, I find them fun to hear.”

Levi sent her a bland look. “You and I have different definitions of fun.”

“I’m surprised you even have one.” Isa’s eyes widened as the words left her mouth.

_You have no idea how he responds to snark, and you’re going to sit there and antagonize him. Good going Isa._

Levi simply raised a brow and turned back to look up at the sky.

Before she could say anything else, Isabel gave a big yawn.

Levi didn’t turn his head from the sky. “Sleep Isabel.”

“But I don’t want to miss it.” Isabel’s voice was sleepy, and her eyes drooped as she struggled to keep them open.

“We’ll wake you up. Now sleep.”

Soon Isabel was curled up, fast asleep, soft snores filling the air around them. Isa reached behind her and grabbed one of the pillows, carefully lifting Isabel’s head so she could place it underneath.

“Isa.”

She hummed in response at Furlan as she gently lay Isabel’s head back down.

Furlan paused, as if contemplating how to best ask this. “Where is Erwin’s office?”

She gave him a curious look. “It’s a few doors down from Flagon’s office.” Almost as an afterthought, she asked, “Why do you want to know?”

She missed the way Levi tensed at her question.

Furlan was quick to respond. “Well he’s the one who brought us here, and Levi and I just had a few last-minute questions we wanted to bring up to him.”

She shrugged. “Makes enough sense.” Though she wondered what else they would need to discuss with Erwin.

There was another break in conversation, and Isa wasn’t sure what to say, or if she should say anything.

Thankfully, Furlan broke the lull in conversation.

“So, how long have you been a scout?”

“About two months. We had our first expedition a little more than a month ago.”

“How did it go?”

As she thought about the expedition, almost instantly the image of Lucy’s body stuck in a titan’s mouth filled her mind, everything else in front of her vanishing. The blood drained from Isa’s face as she remembered the utter failure that she was in that mission.

_Failure. Pathetic. Weak. Useless. Why did you even join the Scouts? You thought you could make a difference?_

Another voice joined the mix, one she hadn’t heard since she’d escaped Mitras.

_You’ll never amount to anything. You’ll die alone. Do you actually think anyone would ever want to be around someone like you?_

She hadn’t even noticed that a few minutes had passed since he’d asked her that question. It took her a moment to even register that he was gently shaking her shoulder.

Blinking, her surroundings slowly came back to her. Looking around she saw that Furlan was now standing next to her, watching her with those pale gray eyes.

“Are you alright?”

She wiped away the stray tear that had trailed down her cheek. “I’m…fine. It wasn’t the best first expedition…not that I’d expect any expedition to be great to be honest.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “We…got overrun by titans. One of my friends, she…she didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring back any difficult memories.”

She gave him a small smile. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

The three of them sat in silence, this time enjoying the soft night air, the occasional owl hooting, or bushes in the distance rustling filling the quiet. Isa, feeling safer than she had in a long time, for reasons she didn’t understand, curled up on the floor of the roof, struggling to keep her eyes open. As she drifted off, she never registered the feel of the heavy weight of a blanket being placed gently onto her, its warmth sending her into a deep sleep.

~ - ~

Isa awoke to a nudge on her face. She blinked her eyes open to see Levi standing over her.

Her brows furrowed and an incredulous tone took over her voice. “Did you just…use your boot to wake me up?”

He shrugged. “You fell asleep a few hours ago, and I didn’t know when to expect the sunrise. Didn’t want to hear Isabel’s annoying whining if she missed it.”

_That doesn’t answer my question, but I’m going to take that as a yes…rude._

Stretching as she sat up, she was surprised to see a blanket slide off over her.

_I must have grabbed it last night before falling asleep._

Looking around, she saw that Furlan was asleep under one of the blankets she’d brought. She smiled at how peaceful the man looked.

Remembering Levi’s question, she took in the sky and saw that it was still dark. “Looks like we still have maybe another hour or so, so we still have time before we have to wake them.”

He nodded at her, and sat back down in his place on the battlement. “You can go back to sleep.”

She only shook her head. “If I go back to sleep now for such a short amount of time, I’ll only wake up feeling grouchy and with a headache, so that’s the last thing I need.”

As they sat in silence and a thought occurred to her. “Did you even sleep any?”

“Some.”

Isa was intrigued. The last thing she remembered is that he was still awake when she drifted off, and he was awake when he woke her, meaning he’d slept even less than he had.

_Is it because he’s like me and has trouble sleeping sometimes? Or does he not trust me enough to sleep without having someone to watch over his friends in case I try something?_

“Levi.”

He turned his head to face her, the only indicator that she could continue.

“When you guys first came up into Mitras, what did you think? Isabel seemed in awe of it, so I’m just curious what your perception was?”

“Clean.”

She couldn’t help but give a little laugh at that. It would seem that he had an intense preoccupation with cleanliness.

“Any other thoughts?”

He shrugged. “The people there have their noses so scrunched up they look like they’re constipated.”

Isa snorted at the image. “I…never thought of it that way, but that makes perfect sense. I don’t think they realize they look like that. I wonder if their expressions would change if they knew.”

“Doubt it.”

She looked back up at the sky. “I always hated it there.” Her voice was soft. “Sure, not everyone there is a terrible person. But the way the nobles act, as if they’re above everyone else, when they probably commit more crime than even the worst criminals in the Underground. Theirs is just more easily hidden because they have money.”

She looked at Levi again, saw that he was carefully watching her. That same electric tingle raced across her skin as their eyes met. “I’m going to say this again. I’m not your enemy. I know you three don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I’m not in the habit of treating people differently because of where they come from.”

Somehow knowing she wouldn’t get a response from him she broke eye contact to watch the stars again, and allowed herself to enjoy the simple quiet of the early morning.

Soon, she saw the sky begin to lighten in the horizon, the indication of a new day soon to come.

“I think we should wake them up now.”

“Fine, you take Isabel, I’ll wake up Furlan.”

Isa walked over to where Isabel was curled up under the blanket on the roof floor. She wasn’t really sure how to wake her up. Hange was a pain to wake up in the morning, and you practically had to drag her out of bed. Sometimes Isa would just dump a bucket of cold water onto Hange, which always did the trick, plus it cleaned her up a little, so two birds, one stone.

She knelt beside the girl and gently pushed at her shoulder. “Hey Isabel.”

The girl flipped facing away from Isa. “No.”

_What is it with the excessively energetic people being the most difficult to wake up in the morning? Is this an actual thing?_

She gave Isabel another soft shake. “Come on Isabel, you need to wake…oof.”

The kick to Isa’s stomach had sent her toppling over onto her rear. She rubbed at her stomach, which she was certain was going to bruise. The girl was stronger than she looked.

She looked up at Levi who was watching her, and she thought she saw something akin to amusement in his eyes. She sent him a glare. “You could help you know.”

He rolled his eyes and walked over to where Isabel was stubbornly still trying to sleep. He gave her shoulder a firm nudge with the toe of his boot. “Oi, either wake up now, or you’re going to miss the sunrise. I’m not telling you again.”

The girl rolled over again groaned. “Levi, why are you so mean?” Her eyes opened, sleep still clouding them. She took in the sight of Isa still on the ground clutching her stomach and gasped. “Did I kick you?”

“…Yea.”

Isabel gave a nervous laugh. “Sorry about that. Guess I should’ve warned you that I’m not a morning person.”

Isa just laughed. “It’s fine. I’ll be better prepared in the future. Hange has the same issue, and sometimes I just dump a bucket of cold water on her to wake her up in the morning.”

Isabel’s face paled at the thought of that. She shook her head, waving her hands in front of her face. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll do better.”

At this point, Furlan was awake too, much more easily roused than Isabel. Isa giggled as she took in his messy hair, earning herself a mild glare from him.

Turning her head, she saw that the sky was slowly beginning to lighten. “Look, it’s starting.” She settled back in her spot and smiled when Isabel sat close to her.

_Her personality reminds me of Hange. She’s so open to others, even though she comes from such a horrible place. I wish I could be more like that._

The air was silent as the four of them watched the sun begin creeping its way over the horizon. The first rays of light cutting through the sky as the yellow orb slowly began to show itself. Instead of the deep purples and pinks of the night before, the sky was now on fire with the golden yellow rays that cut through the deep orange of the morning.

Isa chanced a glance at her companions, and saw they were as mesmerized now as they were the night before.

The face that struck her the most, was Levi’s. He wasn’t like Isabel, whose eyes and mouth were wide with wonder. Nor was he like Furlan, who had a soft smile on his face. No. Levi’s face still had that same neutral expression, but his eyes held a quiet hunger that he was clearly trying to hide, and he probably would have been successful, if it wasn’t the same type of hunger that she often felt. The hunger for more. More…everything.

Once the sun had fully entered the sky, Isa said goodbye to the trio so she could go and prepare for the day. She quickly showered, and then met up with Hange in the mess hall, grabbing herself a bowl of porridge on the way.

Hange could barely contain her excitement, squirming in her seat. “So! Tell me everything! What are they like?”

“Well you met them yesterday.”

“Yea but that was just during dinner. You were out on the roof with them all night!”

Isa rolled her eyes but smiled at her friend’s enthusiasm. “Well Isabel is clearly the friendliest and most open. Furlan is…polite I guess would be the word for it. Like he’s sizing up the people around him. Levi…he’s the hardest to read. He keeps this bored look on his face, but if you watch his eyes, you can see he’s always taking in everything around him, reading everything in front of him, ready to act at a moment's notice.”

“Not to mention you think he’s attractive.”

Isa sputtered, choking on the bite of porridge she’d taken. Much to her dismay, she could feel a flush creeping up her face, though she hoped Hange would think it came from her coughing. “I…what…no…Hange don’t be ridiculous. Why would you even suggest such a thing?”

Hange regarded Isa with a raised eyebrow. “I think you protest too much.”

Isa gave Hange a glare. “I think you’re delusional.”

“Come on Isa, it was bound to happen that you’d find a guy attractive.”

Before she could respond, Sherri walked up to their table, bowl of porridge in hand, cutting into their conversation. “So Isa, haven’t done enough? First you take away Lucy, and now Hange?”

“Sherri, how many times do I have to apologize! I tried to save Lucy.” Isa didn’t know how to make Sherri believe that Lucy’s death wasn’t her fault when she couldn’t even convince herself. “I didn’t take away Hange, she came to sit with me. She’s my friend too you know! I don’t know what you want me to do to fix this.”

Sherri sneered at Isa’s desperation. “The only thing that you could have done to ‘fix this’ was to take Lucy’s place. Then everything would be fine.”

Isa’s mouth dropped, a chill settled over her, like it now did around Sherri. Her heart wrenched as if Sherri had just plunged a knife directly into her chest. She looked down, half expecting to see blood pouring from the gaping wound in her chest. Had Sherri just said that she wished Isa had died in place of Lucy?

A menacing look took over Hange’s features as she jumped up from her seat. “Sherri! What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you say something like that!” It was rare for Hange to lose her temper, but there were certain things that set her off, and this sort of behavior was unacceptable to Hange.

Sherri blinked at Hange, took in Isa’s face and how the hurt was etched into it, and Isa thought she saw shame flash in her eyes.

Before anyone could say or do anything else, Isa jumped up from her seat and bolted out of the mess hall, desperate to get away before the tears fell. She ran through the door just as the trio of new recruits were walking through, and she barely managed to utter an apology when she accidentally bumped into Isabel.

She heard Isabel call out, “Isa are you okay?” But she couldn’t answer, if she stopped to answer, she didn’t think she'd be able to hold herself back from breaking down.

She raced to the one place where she could find some peace. She didn’t pay any attention to the startled looks of the other scouts she passed by, her destination the only thing clear in her mind.

When she burst into Luna’s stall, the mare seemed startled, but when she saw Isa’s state, a hint of worry could be seen in her eyes.

Isa threw her arms around Luna’s neck as hot, silent tears started falling on her face. She could feel the mare’s muzzle resting on her back, providing Isa comfort in the only way she knew.

_I understand she’s furious with me, but to basically say she’d wished I’d died instead of Lucy…should it have been me instead? Did she actually mean that?_

_Of course she did idiot. Why would she have said that if she didn’t mean it?_

_But…but why would she say something like that?_

_Idiot, it’s obvious. It’s your fault she lost her best friend._

_…But…she was my friend to._

_And look what being your friend did to her._

She didn’t know how long she stood there, her body shaking as the silent sobs wracked through her. Luna’s presence provided a soft support she couldn’t get anywhere else. In a broken voice she said, “Luna…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

The mare huffed as if to say, _there isn’t anything to fix, this wasn’t your fault. I was there, you did your best._

She took in a shaky breath. “Hange tells me the same thing, but then why can’t I wipe the feeling that it was my fault?”

The sound of someone clearing their throat had Isa whirling to look at the stall door.

There stood Furlan, who looked rather awkward and apologetic at having caught Isa in such a vulnerable moment.

He gave a nervous chuckle. “Sorry, when you didn’t show up at the start of training, Flagon sent me to find you. Hange told me I might find you here.”

She quickly wiped her cheeks and could only look at him. She didn’t know what to say. Not only had Sherri just said she’d wished that Isa had died instead of Lucy, not only had she been caught crying and broken, but she was also now late for training, which she knew would mean laps.

_Could this day get any worse?_

“Hange also mentioned what happened in the mess hall.”

_Yep it sure can. Dammit Hange, why?_

He continued, unknowingly answering her unasked question. “I’m not sure why, but I guess maybe she wanted me to know since it was me looking for you and not her. She seemed worried.”

She looked away, needing to break the eye contact.

She took in a shaky breath, “Thanks for coming to get me. I…I didn’t realize how much time had passed. I’ll head over to the grounds now.”

He nodded. “Flagon also wanted me to let you know to bring your horse. First half of training we’re apparently working with them out in the pasture.”

She gave him a small smile. “Thanks Furlan.”

He turned to walk away, but paused and looked back at Isa over his shoulder. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

She gaped at him. That was a new way to look at things.

“Just…sometimes people need to make themselves feel superior, and to do that, they need to find someone to make feel inferior and small. They only win if we let them.”

“I…uh…I never thought of it that way.” She didn’t know why, but she felt some small piece inside her heal, stitched back together by Furlan’s words.

He didn’t say anything else, just gave her a small smile, and walked back out of the stables.

She looked at Luna, still a little stunned, but his words were echoing in her. Feeling slightly better, but only slightly, she rubbed the mare’s muzzle. “How about we go out to the training grounds?"

The mare threw her head back in agreement, earning a laugh from Isa.

They arrived to where her squad waited in the pasture. Flagon scowled at her as she approached. “You’re late.”

She saluted her Squad Leader. “Apologies sir, it won’t happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t, twenty laps at the end of the day before dinner.”

She nodded.

Flagon addressed the rest of the squad. “Now that we’re all here, Derek, introduce yourself to the recruits, seeing as you were on another assignment yesterday.”

Isa saw the look Derek gave the trio as he introduced himself, and she noted that it was even worse than the way Sairam and Flagon had looked at them. He looked at them as if they didn’t deserve to be there, didn’t deserve to be breathing the same air as them, didn’t deserve to be in such close proximity to the rest of them.

At least the others on the squad had a begrudging acceptance of their presence. Isa thought the look on his face rivaled the looks she’d seen on the faces of the people in Mitras.

_So much for a majority of us not looking down on them..._

She hadn’t spoken to him since that day, and he’d surprisingly left her alone, though, she did often catch him watching her with that same look that sent chills running up and down her spine.

She only hoped that she wouldn’t have to deal with him again and that he’d leave her be.

Flagon’s orders for the morning broke her from her observation. “We’re going to work with the new recruits and their horses for the first half of the day.”

He paired off each recruit with one of the scouts on the squad. Sofia went with Isabel, Sairam with Levi, and Isa was partnered with Furlan.

She led Luna over to where Furlan was standing with his stallion. “Hi again.”

He gave her an apologetic smile. “Hi…sorry about earlier.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay, it is what it is. I appreciate your words though. They…helped a little.”

_Ironic that a complete stranger’s words helped, even if it was only a tiny bit._

Wanting to move on from the morose topic, she asked, “So how much do you know about horses?”

“Not much really. There weren’t really any in the Underground.”

“Right.” She gave a nervous chuckle. “I…uh didn’t want to assume.”

“I’d say most of the stuff we’re doing here, barring ODM and fighting, we’re probably not going to know.”

“Alright, well that really only leaves horses, so you guys already have a head start. So let’s start from the top.” In an attempt at humor to ease the slight tension, she stood back to hold her arms out at the animals in front of them. “These are horses.” A small grin played at her face, hoping he’d catch on to her humor.

His lips twitched, eyes glinting with subtle mirth. “I’d picked up that much thanks.”

His smile helped ease her nerves. “Alright, well this is just my personal opinion, but I believe it’s most important to have a bond with your horse.” She gave a loving pat to Isa’s neck. “Your life will depend on your horse, and I just get the feeling that the stronger your bond with them, the better they listen to you and your commands.” Her voice grew soft. “The more you trust them, the more they trust you, and the better off you are outside the walls.”

The mare turned her head to Furlan, and nodded as if agreeing with Isa’s words.

He took in her words with careful consideration. “So how exactly do you do that?”

“Well, what I did was a bit unconventional. It wasn’t something they did with us in training, but I read about it in some of the old books they had in the library. It’s this process called ‘joining up,’ and its focus is on building trust between human and horse. I’ll show you.”

She grabbed a lunge whip from the equipment Flagon had brought for training, and led Furlan and the two horses over to the nearby pen the scouts rarely used.

She had Furlan tie off his horse’s lead onto the fence while she led Luna into the pen. She removed Luna’s lead and halter, draping both over the fence behind her. Looking behind her she saw that Furlan had taken a seat on the railing.

She tried to shake off any nerves she had about having an audience while doing this, knowing that it’s best to give the horse a calm presence.

She turned to face Luna, who was watching her calmly, waiting for her instruction. Clicking her tongue, she tapped the ground behind Luna with the lunge whip, sending her into a trot around the pen.

Every now and then, Isa tapped the lunge whip out in front of the mare, using her body language and a click of the tongue to get Luna to switch directions. She’d already seen the signs that Luna was ready, inner ear facing her, eyes watching, head low to the ground, but she wanted to give a decent enough demonstration so that Furlan would know what to do.

She loved doing this with Luna. The first time they’d done this, it had taken hours before Luna had given any sign that she was ready to join up. Isa guessed that no one else had tried this with her before, and the mare didn’t know what to do with someone actually trying to earn her trust and respect versus just expecting it.

Sure the cadet and scouting horses were bred and trained to listen to their rider, but after Isa read about this process, she’d wanted to try it. She’d wanted to give Luna a reason to trust her, and to bond with her.

She assumed this was why she had such a strong bond with the mare, and how they were so in tune with each other. It could just be that this process was a waste of time and didn’t make a difference. Isa didn’t really care, it felt right, and she felt like it made a difference, so she’d kept this as part of her regular training with Luna.

After maybe fifteen minutes or so, she stopped her movements, and turned her back to Luna. She could hear the mare stop in her tracks, and sensed that she was now facing Isa. As much as she wanted to sneak a peek at the mare, she refrained, waiting for Luna to come to her.

The gentle sounds of Luna’s hooves in the dirt let her know the mare was making her way to her. When she felt the mare’s muzzle resting on her shoulder, she turned her head to meet Luna’s warm eyes, and raised her hand to gently rub her muzzle.

She moved on to the next part and started walking around the pen with Luna following. She changed directions, speeds, anything to try to catch the mare off guard, but Luna kept up with her, almost as if she could read Isa’s mind.

Finally, she came to a stop where Furlan was watching. “So, think you can do this?”

He smirked. “Of course, how hard can it be?”

Knowing the hours she’d put in doing this with Luna, she giggled at his confidence. Sweeping her hand out behind her, she said, “By all means then.”

They swapped places, now Furlan and his horse inside the pen, Luna and Isa outside the pen. Isa took a seat where Furlan had been sitting, and watched, ready to give guidance as needed.

Isa watched as Furlan struggled to get the horse moving. He seemed more interested in grazing in the grass than paying attention to Furlan.

“Don’t be so tense. He won’t listen if you can’t relax. But you also need to make sure you’re assertive.”

She giggled when she heard him grumble, “That is the most contradicting thing I’ve ever heard.”

Eventually, Furlan was able to get the horse moving. “How do I know when he’s ready to do the thing?” He called out across the pen to where Isa sat, as he tried to keep the stallion moving at a steady trot around the pen.

“Try not to be so loud when you talk. It helps if you use a calm voice, even when not talking to your horse.”

“Talking to them?”

“Yea…trust me, you’ll get to the point where you talk to your horse.”

“I highly doubt that. It’s not like they can answer back.”

“You’ll see.” She shook her head in humor at his resistance. “To answer your question, just pay attention to what he does. Eventually he’s going to move his inner ear to face you, showing you he’s listening for your instruction. His head will start to move down to the ground, indicating submission. He may also chew or lick at the air. When he starts doing that, keep at it for a little bit, and you’ll know when to turn your back.”

“Why is it that you do that?”

“It shows that you trust the horse to not hurt you when you’re back is turned. A relationship with a horse is built on mutual trust. Now focus, ask questions later.”

He rolled his eyes but did as she asked. She tried to give some guidance here and there, making sure he kept his horse moving and changing directions.

As time passed, Isa could tell that Furlan was trying to stay patient, but it was wearing thin. She didn’t blame him, it was a lot of moving around, and even though it wasn’t quite summer, the sun was high in the sky. It was another hot day, and she could practically see the air wavering in the heat, and she could practically see the promise that the nearing summer would be scorching. She could feel her shirt sticking to her and saw that his was doing the same.

She almost missed when the stallion’s ear began to flicker and stay centered on Furlan. “Look, you’ve got some progress, look at his ear.”

That seemed to spark some new determination in the man, wiping away the frustration. She could see the horse’s eyes focus on the man guiding him. After maybe ten or so more minutes, the stallion began lowering his head to the ground.

“Did you see that?”

“I did.” She could barely contain the excitement in her voice. She didn’t want to startle his horse and distract him out of his submissive state, but she was impressed at the progress Furlan had made. “Now keep him going, and when you feel it’s time, turn your back to him.”

“How will I know?”

“It’s hard to explain, you’ll just know.”

If Furlan was frustrated by the vague explanation, he didn’t show it. He kept the horse going, still having him change direction. Isa could tell that he was uncertain, not knowing when he would need to stop, but she was confident that he’d be successful. If she was being honest, it was more about the rider being ready. The horse was ready the moment he started giving the signals. Now it was about Furlan being ready to fully trust the horse. She didn’t want to explain that, because it takes away the instinct of feeling ready to trust the horse.

She saw the change in Furlan’s body language, he himself relaxed even more, and she knew he was ready before he did.

Isa watched as he stopped and took a look at the horse, and then turned his back to him. She had to admit, she was a bit excited, seeing as to how she would now be able to see this part of the process.

The stallion slowly came to a stop, and looked at Furlan curiously, facing him fully. Slowly, with only the slightest hesitation in his steps, he made his way over to where the man was standing. She actually felt goosebumps run across her skin, at the pure trust the horse now showed as he made his way to Furlan. He rested his muzzle on Furlan’s shoulder, earning himself a shaky pat from the man. She gave a soft smile at the sheer wonder that was in his eyes, all the effort long forgotten.

_They’re so willing to trust, to love. It’s easier with horses. As long as you show them respect, they’re willing to give you everything. Humans…humans are harder to read. It’s harder, because they can hide their true intentions._

She now observed as Furlan began to lead his horse around the pen. It wasn’t perfect, but the stallion did well enough following Furlan around as he tried to change directions like Isa had.

He walked over to where Isa sat. She was a bit startled that even sitting on the railing, she still had to look up to meet his eyes.

Hopping up onto the fence beside her, he gave an exasperated sigh. “You made that look a lot easier than it actually is.”

“That’s because I’ve been doing this with Luna for the past three years.” She quipped. Nudging his arm, she continued, “If it makes you feel better, the first time I did this with Luna, it took me hours to get her to join up with me. So you did manage to surpass the teacher from the start.”

That earned her a light-hearted laugh from the man beside her.

“Have you thought about naming him?”

“I actually hadn’t thought of it. Is it normal to name them?”

“I think most people don’t. It's a choice honestly, but I think by naming Luna, it just made my bond with her stronger.”

Hearing her name, the mare gave a soft huff and rested her head on Isa’s shoulder. A soft look came across her face as she reached up to rub Luna’s velvety nose. She missed how Furlan’s face softened as he took in her peaceful features, completely at ease in the mare’s presence.

In a soft voice, she said, “I fully stand by what I said. I believe that out there, it’s important to have a strong bond with your horse. You’re going to need them, and they’re going to need you. Without that bond, how can you trust each other? But it’s ultimately up to you, no one is going to force you to name your horse.”

“How about Star?”

“Why that name?”

“I just…really liked looking at the stars last night, being able to finally see the night sky. It was nice. Plus, the marking on his nose reminds me of the way the stars looked.”

She beamed at him. “I think that’s a perfect name.”

She didn’t catch the way Furlan’s eyes widened ever so slightly nor when he gave a soft, imperceptible inhale, as he took in her radiant smile.

Hopping down from the fence, she untied Luna’s lead. “Alright, well now that we’ve done that, how about we go over how to tack up your horse and then some basic riding stuff.”

Her back was to him, so she didn’t notice the calming breath he took before jumping down to join her. “Whatever you say, you’re the teacher.”

She laughed. “Right you are. Though if the joining up practice is any indication, I’m sure you’ll be up to speed in no time.”

That earned her a light chuckle from him. She shot him a curious glance. “What is it?”

“‘Up to speed.’ Meaning both skilled in horseback riding and also going top speeds on a horse.”

She blinked at him, and then laughed. “I…well I didn’t intend for that to be a joke.”

“A sign of a true jokester.”

Shaking her head, the four of them made their way over to where the tack was. She walked Furlan through the process of brushing the horse first, and then putting the equipment on. This part was simple enough, since the horse was long accustomed to the feel of everything. She showed him how to walk Star to make sure the girth was tight.

“Why exactly do I need to walk him around?"

“It’s to make sure the girth stays tight. When you’re tacking up the horse, sometimes their middle expands, and then when it contracts back to normal, the girth loosens. You don’t want to be in the middle of riding and fall off because the saddle was loose. It could also roll around when you try to pull yourself up to mount the horse. It’s dangerous for both you and Star.”

“…There’s so much more involved with this than I would have thought.”

“It’s common. You don’t know what’s required until you actually have to do it yourself.”

When she was satisfied that everything was properly tightened, she told Furlan to mount the horse…and promptly laughed when he ended up on his ass on the other side of the horse.

He sent her a glare. “You could have warned me about that.”

“I could have, but I wanted to see if you could do it on your own.” She sent him a sly grin. “I also wanted to see if you’d fall on your ass.” That earned her a harder glare, but she could see the humor in his eyes. She extended a hand to help him up, and he grabbed it…and yanked her onto the ground beside of him.

Now it was her turn to glare at him as he smirked at her. But her glare didn’t last for long as her face turned sheepish. “I guess I deserved that. Alright, we’re even now.”

She demonstrated how to mount a horse by keeping the toe of your foot in the stirrup, and then propelling your other leg up and over.

“See, if someone my size can do it, without a step of some sort, surely you can.”

Not one to back down from a challenge, Furlan quickly made his second attempt to mount the horse. This time he didn’t slide off the other side.

“That was better, just try to keep from plopping down on his back. You want it to be gentler, where you sort of settle onto his back, that way you don’t hurt him.”

Furlan nodded at her instruction, and she moved on to the next part. She walked him through the different cues for walk, trot, canter, and gallop. She explained how to stay balanced for walking and trotting, and how to lean forward and keep the weight off the horse for cantering and galloping.

She had him go through walking and trotting first, so he could get the feel of being on the horse while moving. When she thought he was comfortable enough, she had him move on to a canter, and soon a gallop.

She was impressed at how well he picked up on riding. She herself had struggled a bit at first, especially with galloping, since it requires quite a bit of strength to hold your body off a horse so that you don’t bounce on the horse’s back. He almost needed no training at all, almost as if he were born to ride a horse.

She looked around to see how the other two were doing and could see that they were doing just as well, and it looked as if Isabel was doing the best. Her horse listened to her as if they’d been riding together for years. She could see that the girl had a way with horses, and it warmed her heart to see the joy and delight in the younger girl’s eyes.

_These three deserve their shot at freedom._

She was most impressed by Levi. He looked fierce sitting astride the black stallion. One would think that he would have looked strange on such a large animal, his horse was bigger than Luna, who was no small horse. The two looked as if they’d been made for each other.

After they went over the basics, they joined the others, and Furlan had the new recruits run through some new basic drills with their horses.

It wasn’t long after that they were dismissed for lunch, instructed to meet at the forest with their ODM gear.

Isa walked Luna with the trio and their horses back to the stables. After they removed the tack and stored it away, she made sure to show them how to rinse off the horse, and to check their legs for any signs of injury like cuts or swelling. She had them make sure their horses had fresh water and hay in their stalls before they left for the mess hall.

Isa could practically feel the younger girl vibrate with the excitement of having ridden a horse. “I never realized how much work goes into learning how to ride a horse. I just kinda thought you hopped on and went."

Isa laughed. “I honestly thought the same before I started training. It’s the little things you don’t think about, but are just as important for the safety of your horse.”

“I don’t want anything to happen to Dream.”

“Dream?”

“Yea, because all of this feels like a dream, one I never thought would happen.”

“I…I know exactly how you feel.”

“Why did you name your horse Luna?”

“Well her coloring reminds me of the moon. I came across this book once that had different words for ‘moon,’ and Luna was one of them. When I was trying to think of a name for her, Luna was practically the first thing to come to mind.”

Isabel turned to look at Levi. “Bro, did you name your horse yet?”

“I didn’t.”

Isa’s face fell at his answer. “…Oh. Any reason why?”

“Why should I?”

“Because when you name your horse it helps them bond with you, and you need a strong bond with them when you’re outside the walls.”

Isa was a little stunned at how well Furlan had remembered what she told him, and that he even said anything to Levi to begin with.

Levi just shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing comes to mind, but maybe something will. If not, it doesn’t make a difference to me.”

_Fair enough, like I told Furlan, most people choose not to name their horse. It's not a requirement._

Isabel’s chatter filled the air during the rest of the walk to the mess hall, where the four of them sat with Hange. As they ate, Isa tried to ignore the dark looks that Sherri kept sending her way.

At this point, Isa didn’t think they would ever be friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was younger, I used to read the Heartland books. I don’t know if anyone here has read those, but I really loved reading that series as a kid. I remember reading about “joining up” in those books, and it always seemed like such a cool thing. Whether or not it’s legit and actually helps build a bond between horse and human, I’m not too worried about. For the sake of this story, I’m making it legit. Also, I’m not an expert in horses by any means. Anything included in this fic is all purely Google research. :P
> 
> I also thought it would be fun to have Isa share some constellation stories with the trio. It gave them something to talk about while they wait for the sunrise that Isabel begged to stay up for versus having them just sit there and twiddle their thumbs in awkward silence. Plus I didn't think having Isa ask them questions about the Underground would be a great idea right now, since this is basically only day one since she's met them and she probably wouldn't get much from them. I might have tweaked some details here and there to keep the stories from being too far outside there realm of this universe.
> 
> Anywayy, thanks for reading! :)


	7. The Trio-Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright...I made a slight goof. Nothing major, I just realized I forgot to include two super minor details in one of the expedition chapters and the first trio chapter. So in expedition part 1, I forgot to include that the higher ups had swapped Lucy and Sherri about a week outside of the expedition, which is why Lucy was in Flagon's squad and not Erwin's. I also forgot to include in trio part 1, that Sherri asked to be switched to Erwin's squad permanently. She wanted to get away from Isa since she blames her for Lucy's death.
> 
> Super minor details, but I wanted to clear that up just in case. I've already edited those two chapters to include that information.
> 
> So sorry about that, I tried to not make a goof, but I still managed to make a goof. Please forgive me :( Anyhoooo, onto the chapter :)

After lunch, they met back up at the forest geared up for ODM training. Like he did when Isa joined the Scouts, Flagon wanted to assess how the new recruits meshed with his squad members.

Some of the other scouts had come to see the new recruits in action, Hange included. Isa saw her standing with a man she had yet to meet.

Once the trio of new recruits had arrived, Flagon instructed Isa, Ingrid, and Sofia to spread out through the forest. Derek and Sairam were to go through the course with Levi first. Afterwards they would swap roles.

After seeing how well they did on the horses, Isa was excited to see them on ODM gear. She’d heard that this was what they’d been recruited for, so surely they must be extremely skilled.

Isa watched as Levi flipped his blades backwards. It was different from how they were taught, but honestly, she didn’t care. If that’s how he felt comfortable holding the blades, who was she to judge?

Apparently, Flagon did not have the same opinion, and she had to hold herself back from rolling her eyes when he reprimanded Levi. The nerve of the man for calling him a punk just because he did things a little differently.

“All that matters is slicing through the back of the titan’s neck right?” Flagon gaped at Levi’s blunt response. “Let me do that however I want.”

Isa couldn’t hold back her laugh when Flagon growled in frustration.

_Serves him right, who honestly cares? Apparently, Flagon is just trying to be difficult with the new recruits. He’s taking out his frustration of having been assigned them, directly onto them._

At Isa’s laugh, Levi turned and looked at her with a raised brow, almost as if he were curious, and she just sent him a thumbs up, and felt completely ridiculous as soon as she did.

_A thumbs up? Really? What am I five?_

Shaking off the embarrassment, she shot off into the forest to find a spot near some titan dummies.

As she flew off, she could hear Hange squealing in excitement about the new recruits. Isa laughed to herself as she heard Hange gush about how individual approaches to fighting titans can make a world of difference in succeeding in expeditions.

_She has a point…just…does she have to be so loud?_

Shaking her head in amusement at her friend, she found some trees near the center of the forest where a couple of titan dummies were set up. She grabbed the ropes for each one and situated herself in a nearby tree.

As a squad, they’d done this sort of thing numerous times before. The idea was to change the titan’s position at the last moment, so that the scout has to either adapt or crash. Isa’d had her fair share of blunders and had ended up bruised and bloodied at the end of training more times than she could count. It was worth it in the end though, as long as she could learn from her mistakes.

As she waited, she began to wonder what they were like using ODM. Furlan had grasped horseback riding faster than she’d expected, all three of them had. If that was any indication of their abilities, she knew they had to be exceptionally adept with ODM. It wasn’t just that. The fact that Erwin had gone on a special mission to the Underground, specifically to recruit them, was proof enough that these three were most likely on par with the rest of the Scouts, if not better.

Lost in thought, she almost missed the blur of color as it flew by her. Caught off guard, she wasn’t able to move the first titan before the blur sliced its nape, but she recovered quickly and yanked hard on the second, attempting to throw off the scout.

The scout easily adjusted, swooping over the titan, and using the tree behind it to ricochet back towards its nape. She realized the scout was Levi and watched in awe as he used his momentum to spin around and tear through the titan’s neck, effectively downing it. She gaped as she watched the giant chunk fall to the ground.

_That looks a hell of a lot bigger than the normal chunks we slice off. That would definitely render the titan incapacitated. How the hell did he spin like that?_

She abandoned her spot, wanting to see more, and shot off in the direction he’d gone, catching up with relative ease.

She watched as he approached another titan dummy, only to be cut off by Sairam. She rolled her eyes at the arrogance of her comrade.

_Really? The whole point is to see how they work with us and he’s pulling this shit again?_

Isa saw that Levi had paused on a tree near the dummy allowing him to watch the scene unfold, calculating as always. As she took in the scene before her, Isa realized there was a problem. Sairam had been so focused on trying to outshine Levi and to bring him down a notch, that he had failed to notice the broken blade sticking out of the rubber nape.

With the way Sairam was hurtling towards it, there wasn’t a way for him to dodge or maneuver out of the way, and she was too far out to help.

“Hey watch out!” Levi’s voice cut through the forest.

Isa heard a loud crack resound through the trees, and she gaped at the dent that was left in the tree’s bark Levi had been resting on mere seconds prior.

A blur of color filled the air as Levi sped towards the titan, in an attempt to reach it before Sairam.

_He’s so fast! How the hell can he move that fast?! Is that normal? That can’t be normal right? And what the hell with that dent? Just him pushing off the tree was enough to do that to that tree?!_

Eyes wide and gaping, Isa watched as Levi easily moved past Sairam, slicing through the titan’s nape, and moving out of the way just in time for Sairam to land on the titan, right where the blade had been.

Had Levi not been so quick to respond, Sairam would currently be impaled on the forest floor most likely bleeding out, leading to a quick death.

_He’s lucky Levi reacted the way he did. There’s no way he could have survived that otherwise._

The nape now lay on the forest floor, no longer a danger.

She landed neatly beside Sairam and gave him a smug look. “That’s what you get for trying to show off. Next time watch where you’re going.”

He growled at her. Snapping he said, “Your arrogance is going to get you killed princess.”

Despite hating the name, she only laughed. “Funny, I was thinking the same about you, _princess_.” He bristled when his insult was reversed back to him. “You should be thanking him, not sniping at me.”

Not wanting to let him to get another word in, she quickly sped away, leaving him fuming.

_That ought to show him. What a jerk, instead of thanking Levi, he wants to act like an ass. If anyone else had saved him, would he be acting this way? Is he only acting this way because they’re from the Underground? If he is, which he probably is, what an even bigger ass._

Afterwards, Isa ran the course with Isabel, and then Sofia and Ingrid went with Furlan. Isa was as impressed with them as she had been with Levi. Isabel and Furlan didn’t have Levi’s speed and strength, but they were by no means weak, and were definitely on par with the rest of the branch, no doubt about it.

Isabel reminded her of Hange, just a bit, when it came to how she attacked the titan dummies. The two were both so energetic and enthusiastic, bouncing around and just enjoying the feel of maneuvering in the gear. Isa could always tell when Isabel was near, because she would hear the shouts and cheers coming from the young girl.

Isa was impressed at Isabel’s strength. She was so tiny, like Isa, yet she was easily as strong as someone twice her size. Isa had the bruise on her stomach to prove it.

She was intrigued with Furlan and his approach. He, like Levi, had a calculating nature, always taking in information around him and using that to make his decisions. She noticed that Furlan usually took a little time to determine the best course of action before jumping into the fray. It was as though his mind were running through all the possibilities of each path and deciding on the best one. Levi seemed to operate more on calculating instinct that guided his movements.

Isa was certain these three would have been the top three if they had gone through traditional training, no questions asked.

_No wonder they didn’t have them bother going through that. Honestly the only thing they needed to learn was horseback riding and maneuvering on their horses using ODM. That’s it. Nothing else. Maybe survival skills, but that can honestly be taught outside of formal training._

At the end of training, Isa observed the reactions of her squad members, wanting to gauge the atmosphere. She saw that Sofia and Ingrid both looked impressed at the three new recruits. She noticed that they seemed to show a keen interest towards Levi and Furlan.

Sairam just looked like he wanted to punch Levi.

_Ridiculous. Levi literally just saved the man, and he can’t even show a little gratitude. What is his deal?_

Derek was looking at them as if they were shit he’d scraped off his shoes. When he caught her watching him, he sent her a wink that made her skin crawl.

Breaking eye contact with him, she spotted Hange and the brown-haired man who’d been with her earlier. She hurried over, wanting to get as far away from Derek as possible, and could hear Hange still gushing about the trio.

Spotting Isa, she squealed. “Isa! Did you see them? Did you see how good they were? And what’s with the way Levi holds his blades? It’s so cool. And Isabel is so strong for someone so small, she reminds me of you. And then did you see the way Levi saved Sairam? And what abo—”

Isa’s hand over Hange’s mouth cut her off mid-speech. “Hange. Breathe.”

She could feel Hange’s breath on her hand as her friend complied. “Okay, I’m going to remove my hand and then answer your questions. Alright?”

Hange nodded.

Removing her hand from Hange’s mouth, Isa worked her way through Hange’s questions. “I did see them, and they do seem really skilled. I’m impressed since they’ve never had any training. They must have been a sight to see in the Underground. And Sairam is a dick, as always. Levi saved him, and the man can’t even muster up a simple ‘thank you.’”

“I don’t think that’s even in his vocabulary.”

Isa laughed at her friend’s accurate assumption. Turning her head to the nervous looking man beside Hange, she said, “So Hange, who is this?”

“What? Oh! This is Moblit. He was recently assigned to Erwin’s squad. He’s really good at ODM too. And strong. Not as strong as those three, but I don’t know if anyone is.”

Isa took in the man’s flush that spread across his cheeks at Hange’s praise. “Nice to meet you Moblit. Hopefully Hange here isn’t driving you crazy.”

“Not at all. She’s…unique."

Isa chuckled at the accurate description of her beloved friend. “That she is Moblit.” At that moment, her stomach decided to rumble loudly. “Alright, I’m starved, who’s up for some dinner?”

~ - ~

That night, Isa awoke to quiet whimpers coming from the bottom bed in the bunk next to hers. The bed used to be Lucy’s and was given to Isabel the day before. Looking down, she saw the younger girl curled up in a small ball underneath her blanket, body shaking as she tried to control her crying, clearly not wanting to wake anyone.

A pang of empathy crashed through her. She realized that the girl must be feeling lonely without her two friends. They seemed exceptionally close, almost like a small family, and this would be her first night without them, since the night before they’d all been up on the roof. Isa didn’t know how long they’d all been together, but it was clear that Isabel was having trouble adjusting to being alone in a room full of complete strangers.

She quietly made her way down to the floor and tiptoed over to Isabel’s bed. Sitting beside her, she laid a hand on the girl’s shoulder, and her heart broke a little when the girl’s tear-filled eyes met her own. It felt so out-of-character to see the energetic girl so forlorn and downhearted.

“What’s the matter Isabel?” She tried to keep her voice soft and soothing.

Isabel fixed her gaze on the nightstand beside her bed. “You’ll think it’s weird.”

“I promise you that I won’t.”

The girl remained silent, clearly worried that Isa would judge her.

Isa figured that while Isabel was an open and friendly person with new people, when it came to her more inner struggles, it was harder for her to share them with people she was unfamiliar with. Isa could empathize with that, and while she hated sharing any of her own personal turmoil, she hated seeing this bright girl so miserable.

“If I tell you something about me, will you tell me?”

Isabel considered her offer, and then nodded in agreement.

“Alright, here, scootch over.” She laid under the covers next to the girl. She took a few minutes to try to decide what she could share that was vulnerable enough to make Isabel feel more comfortable in sharing what was bothering her.

“Well you know how I grew up in Mitras right?”

Isabel nodded.

She'd finally shared this with Hange one night on the roof a couple of weeks after Lucy's death, but this would be the first time she shared this much with someone she barely knew, so Isa had to take a breath to prepare herself. “Well, there’s a reason that I hated it so much there and a reason why it took me so long to sign up as a cadet. The two people who raised me there…weren’t the best. They tried to bend and mold me into something I could never fit into. They wanted me to be this perfect noblewoman, but I didn’t want that. So I rebelled, which they hated.”

She thought back to the fights, the arguments, the threats, and the darkness when they’d had enough and threw her inside her prison. Her eyes started to sting. “If I couldn’t meet their standards, they locked me into this small dark room, sometimes a day, sometimes a week, the longest I was locked up was maybe around a month. It was always hard to know how long I was in there, because there was no way to tell when it was day or night.”

She remembered the tiny, windowless room, so dark, she couldn’t even see her hand if she held it up in front of her face. At first, the dark had terrified her, but she’d eventually adapted. She would still get scared each time they threw her, literally threw her, into the room, but it would take her less time to adjust.

She remembered sobbing for her parents to come save her, but they couldn’t. They were dead. When she’d fully realized that, and that they were never coming to help her, a cold had settled over her, and it had taken a while for warmth to fill her again.

She still got a little nervous now if it got too dark, but she managed for the most part. She had yet to be anywhere that matched the level of darkness in that room, and she hoped she never would.

She swallowed the lump in her throat so that she could continue. “They would only give me one meal a day when I was in that room. They would tell me that when I learned to listen, I would be allowed full meals again.” She could still feel the hunger pains that would course through her, especially when she was locked up for long periods of time.

“I would eventually comply just so I could get out of there, but it was always an endless cycle, because I refused to let them turn me into something I wasn’t.” She didn’t mention that sometimes she’d thought about just giving in and letting them turn her into some posh noblewoman, but something inside her refused to let her yield and would push through and fight back.

She looked at Isabel, a slight haunted look hiding deep within her eyes. “I was put in their care when I was seven. They kept me locked up in either their giant house, or that tiny prison. I left the house a handful of times, and always with someone else. It took me nine years to finally escape. And that’s why I was so much older than the other cadets in training.”

“Wait? What do you mean ‘put in their care’? And how did you escape?”

Isa shook her head. “Nuh-uh. It’s your turn now.”

Isabel rolled her eyes. “Fine…well, it’s just that this is the first time I’ve ever been away from Furlan and bro at night. Even in the Underground, their room was right next to mine, and I could go in whenever I wanted if I was feeling lonely or scared.” Isabel’s voice broke and she had to take a minute to regain composure, wiping the tears in her eyes.

“Now I can’t do that since we aren’t allowed in the men’s barracks at night. And…and…and I miss them.” Isabel’s lower lip quivered as she tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. “I know it’s dumb, I’m going to see them in the morning, and I just saw them a few hours ago, but I miss them so much.”

“It’s not dumb at all. You guys are really close, it’s easy to tell. I’d be surprised if you didn’t miss them. You probably spent a lot of time together in the Underground.”

“We were almost always together.”

“Well then it’s no wonder you miss them so much. To go from being around each other all the time, you now have to spend the scariest part of the day completely separated from them.”

Isabel nodded.

“Well you don’t have to worry, because you’re not alone.” Isa hoped that Isabel wouldn’t reject her offer of friendship, but her desire to make sure the girl didn’t feel alone overrode the fear that Isabel didn’t want to be friends. “I’m here, I’m your friend too. If you need me, you’re free to crawl in my bed up there so you don’t feel alone.”

Isabel lit up at Isa’s words. “You mean, you think of me as a friend?”

Isa nodded. “I’d like to.”

Isabel threw her arms around Isa’s neck. “Thank you, I’d like that too.”

And just like that, Isa had another friend.

_I wish things like this were always this easy._

When she made to get up to return to her bed, Isabel held on tight. “Can…can you stay here with me? I…I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course.” She settled herself more comfortably in the bed, and then looked at Isabel, whose eyes were red from her tears. “Can you tell me a story about your time in the Underground? If you want to of course, I can imagine the time there wasn’t always the best.”

She thought maybe sharing a story from her time with her family would help Isabel drift off to sleep.

“I don’t mind, what do you want to hear?”

“Whatever story you feel comfortable with sharing.”

Isabel seemed to think hard over her time spent in the Underground, trying to find a good memory to share. Finally, she settled on one.

“Well there was this one time where Furlan had told me a scary story about a stinky, rotting man, who carries some large blade thing that he uses to chop off human heads.” Isa shuddered at the image.

“Well I was laying in bed that night, and there was this weird shape on my ceiling that looked exactly like the man from Furlan’s story. I was so scared, and then all of a sudden, the ceiling burst and something came crashing down.” Her eyes were wide now at the memory of what she thought was a monster falling through her ceiling to murder her. “I pulled out my blades and I was about to attack when I realized it was just bro.”

Isa’s had to muffle her laughter in the pillow and her body shook from the effort of keeping quiet, at the thought of Isabel attacking Levi thinking it was some scary monster. Trying to keep her voice down, she asked, “What happened then?”

Isabel gave a sheepish chuckle. “Well…uh…turns out some barrels in the room above mine had been leaking, which made the ceiling weak, and when Levi fell through, it made a huge mess. Which he…made me clean up.” She pouted at the memory of all the cleaning she had to do that night.

Isa looked up from the pillow. “He really likes things to be clean, doesn’t he?”

“You have no idea. The amount of time we spent cleaning down there. If there’s one way to get on his bad side, it’s to make a mess of things and not clean it up.”

With that, Isabel gave a big yawn. Apparently, Isa had been right that the story would help wind the younger girl down.

“Sleep Isabel, I’ll be here.”

Isabel gave a sleepy nod as her eyes drifted shut, a peaceful look now on her face from the happy memory.

Isa waited until Isabel had drifted off to sleep before allowing herself to do the same.

~ - ~

The next morning, Isa woke to find Isabel still asleep beside her. She smiled at how innocent the girl looked beside her.

_She’s such a trusting person. How can someone from such a horrid place trust so easily? Her life couldn’t have been easy._

Knowing it was time to get moving she poked Isabel’s shoulder. She laughed as the girl’s brow furrowed.

Isabel swiped at Isa’s hand. “No. Don’t wanna get up.”

Isa raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to go get a bucket of cold water?”

Isabel’s eyes snapped open in fear. She shook her head wildly at the threat of cold water being dumped on her. “Nonono, I’m awake now.”

“Come on sleepy-head, it’s time for another day of training.”

Sitting up, she saw that Sherri had already left as usual. She always left before Isa woke. Sighing, she turned to look at Hange and laughed when she saw her friend was still sound asleep.

_Between Hange and Isabel, looks like I have my work cut out for me._

Sighing she walked over to Hange and poked her shoulder, and laughed at how similar Hange’s reaction was to Isabel’s.

“Nope, not today.” Hange’s voice held a stubborn tone to it, completely unwilling to greet the day.

She asked Hange the same thing she’d asked Isabel. “Do I need to go get a bucket of cold water?”

Hange rolled over, pulling the blankets over her head and ignoring Isa.

Isa sighed. Not one to go back on her word, Isa grabbed the bucket she kept on hand from underneath her bunk, and marched to the showers, filling it with the coldest water she could get. Trying to keep the water from sloshing over the sides of the bucket, she marched back up to her room, to the bunk where Hange was still laying asleep. Without hesitation, she ripped the covers back and dumped the entire bucket of cold water all over Hange.

Hange shrieked as the cold water pulled her from her beloved sleep. She sat up and glared at what she assumed was Isa, seeing as her glasses were resting on her nightstand and all she saw was a blob in front of her.

“Dammit Isa, was that necessary?”

“I offered you the chance to get up on your own, and it’s your fault for not taking it.”

Grumbling Hange wiped the water from her face and grabbed her glasses.

When Isa turned to look at Isabel, she laughed at the girl’s fearful expression, having realized that Isa meant business when it came to her threats. “Don’t worry Isabel, as long as you don’t try me, you won’t get water dumped on your head.”

Isabel nodded her compliance, not wanting to ever have that happen to her.

After they were all ready and had eaten breakfast, Isa and Isabel headed to the stables to get their horses. Flagon had informed them that today they’d be working with the new recruits on maneuvering on and off the horses with ODM gear. Normally they’d have to work their way up to this, but based on how well the three of them performed the day before, Flagon was confident they were ready for this next part.

Plus, they needed to be fully up to speed as soon as possible, so that they could start training together as a squad. Getting the basics down was enough, and then they’d be able to build off of that in the coming months.

Isabel and Isa grabbed their horses from their stalls, as well as their gear, and guided them outside to the fence where they could tack up their mares.

As they walked out of the stable, she saw Sherri on the far end of the fence, tacking up her horse.

_Looks like our squad isn’t the only one doing work with our horses today._

At the sight of Isa, Sherri’s gaze turned ice cold, and the memory of her last words filled Isa.

_‘The only thing that you could have done to fix this was to take Lucy’s place.’_

Isa still couldn’t believe that Sherri would say such a thing. She never would have pegged Sherri to be that cruel. She knew that Sherri was in pain right now, but to say something that hurtful…her words had sliced through Isa.

When tears threatened to fall, Isa quickly shoved the memory to the side, not wanting to bring down the mood.

Isa wasn’t the only one to have noticed Sherri’s presence and dark aura.

Nodding towards Sherri, Isabel asked. “What’s her problem? She keeps glaring over here.”

Isa tensed, she’d been hoping that Isabel wouldn’t notice, but it turned out that she was quite perceptive. She shouldn’t have expected any less, considering how observant her two friends were.

_How do I go about this? I’m not really sure what to say or how to explain what happened._

Chewing at her lip, she finally said, “Well she blames me for one of our friend’s deaths.”

_What if Isabel hears what happened and she agrees that it was my fault…I don’t want her to hate me too..._

Isabel moved her gaze from Sherri to Isa. “Was it your fault?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, just curious, questioning.

Isa looked down at the ground, avoiding the girl’s searching eyes. “It feels like it.”

“How did she die?”

Her eyes filled with tears threatening to spill over as she remembered Lucy’s attempts to work the triggers of her gears, the desperation on her face when they failed, her screams as she was grabbed, her groans and cries as the titan bit down on her.

“Our first expedition, her...gear malfunctioned, and a titan grabbed her. I tried to save her…but I didn’t get there in time.” Isa attempted to keep her voice even, but the lump in her throat made that impossible.

Isabel’s gaze turned thoughtful.

“Did you push her into the titan?”

“No.”

“Did you damage her gear?”

“Of course not.” She thought about the person who wrote that note, the one who did tamper with Lucy’s gear.

“Then to me it doesn’t sound like it was your fault.”

“But I didn’t get to her in time.” Her voice was tense, waiting for the outburst from the girl that she expected to come.

“I think that sometimes you just can’t make it in time, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. It sounds like you did your best to save her, and that’s all that matters in the end.” Isabel’s voice was soft and compassionate, green eyes full of empathy for Isa.

Isa threw her hands in the air, exasperated, as she shared the next bit of information that she felt had ultimately led to Lucy’s death. “But it was my words that made her join this branch in the first place! For some reason, when I told her why I wanted to join the Scouts, it made her change her mind!” Her voice cracked, and she had to furiously wipe away the tears that were gathering in her eyes.

Isabel laid a soft hand on Isa’s shoulder, and waited until Isa’s devastated eyes met hers. “I don’t think a few words from someone can make a person just change their mind completely. I think it was something that was probably already in the back of her mind and you just made it stronger.”

Isa sniffled. “That’s what everyone keeps telling me, and I want to believe it, but why is it so hard?” She gave Isabel a helpless look. “Why can’t I shake the feeling that I’m to blame?”

“Were you close with the girl that keeps glaring at us?”

“All four of us, Lucy, Sherri, Hange, and I, we were friends all throughout training.”

“It sounds like you can’t shake the guilt, because your friend is mad at you, and you’re trying to find a reason why. Sometimes people don’t have a reason.” Isabel thought carefully over what her next words would be. “I think your friend is just grieving and she’s trying to find someone to blame. You’re just an easy target for her, because you were there.”

A light went off in Isabel’s head and she looked at Isa with wide eyes. “She may even blame herself because she didn’t convince Lucy to join one of the other branches. Or she may blame herself for _not_ being there.”

Isa gaped at the girl as another small piece of her healed. “I…I hadn’t thought of that.”

A soft, compassionate smile took over Isabel’s face. “Sometimes you just need an outsider to look in and see what you can’t.”

Gratitude shone brightly in Isa’s eyes as she looked at Isabel. “You’re pretty smart you know that?”

Isabel beamed at her. “You really think that?” Her smile turned to a pout. “Levi and Furlan are always calling me an idiot.”

Isa laughed. “I think that’s something brothers call their sisters sometimes, from what I’ve heard at least. Besides, I’ve heard them call you that, and there’s never any heat or malice behind it. It’s almost more endearing. I don’t think they actually think you’re an idiot."

“You really think so?”

“I do.”

“You’re really smart too sis.”

Her jaw dropped. “Sis?” Isa’s eyes pricked with tears at the nickname.

“Yea, Levi’s my bro, so you can be my sis. I’ve never had one before.”

Isa’s mouth opened and closed, as if struggling to find something to say. Isabel wrapped her in a big hug. “It’s okay, bro isn’t all that great with feelings either.”

She hugged Isabel for a little longer, before pulling back. “Thanks for the new perspective. It…helped clear some things up for me.”

“Of course sis, what are friends for?”

Smiling, Isa turned back to Luna to finish tacking her up.

Once they arrived at the training grounds with their horses, Flagon grouped them off, this time he paired Isa with Levi.

For some reason, Isa felt a bit more nervous at the thought of being paired with Levi than she had with Furlan.

When she met his eyes, she nodded her head, indicating for him to follow her to a clear area on the training grounds.

They found a clear patch far enough away from everyone, but still close enough that they could see their squad members. They were close to the trees, which would come in handy once they started actually flying off the horse and would need something to latch onto.

She wasn’t sure where to start, so she thought she’d do the same as she did with Furlan the day before and just demonstrate for him.

“So how comfortable do you feel riding your horse?”

He shrugged. “As good as I can I guess.”

She nodded. “Doing this is going to really test your balance. I’m going to demonstrate standing up in the saddle first for you, and then we’ll go from there.”

Hopping onto her horse, she nudged Isa into a gallop, guiding her into a big circle around where Levi stood with his horse. She could sense his calculating gaze on her, and it made her nerves jangle.

“Alright Luna, like we’ve done countless times now. Stay steady for me.” She saw the mare’s ears flicker towards her, and she knew Luna wouldn’t fail her.

Taking a steady breath, she slowly removed her feet from the stirrups and placed them underneath her.

She took a few beats to make sure she was balanced, and slowly stood up in the saddle. Her arms were outstretched, and knees bent to keep her balance. The saddles the scouts used were specially designed for standing, to make sure the scout was as safe as possible when they needed to stand up and take off from their horse. There was enough danger outside the walls as is.

Standing at full height as Luna galloped beneath her, Isa couldn’t help the radiant smile that took over her face. She loved this feeling of standing on top of Luna like this. It felt like flying, but it was different from flying with ODM.

There was something oddly freeing for her, standing on top of a running horse as the wind whipped across her face. The tendrils of hair that had come loose from her braid fluttering behind her.

She rode around in a few circles, simply enjoying the feeling of _being_ , before settling herself back in the saddle. Slowing Luna down, she brought them over to where Levi was standing, the smile still ever present on her face.

Slightly breathless from the exhilaration, she met his gaze. “So, what do you think? Think you can do that?”

He nodded. “Shouldn’t be an issue.”

“Granted, outside the walls, you’ll have to move a lot faster than I did, but for the purpose of practicing, we’re going to go slow today. You can build up speed as you train.”

“Anything else I should know?”

A little taken aback that he’d even asked, she thought for a second before answering. “Just, make sure you stay balanced. Being off balance in the slightest, could make you fall, which is extremely dangerous since you’ll be falling from high up and you could get caught underneath your horse’s hooves.”

Nodding, he hopped onto his horse, and nudged him into a gallop.

Isa watched as he confidently guided his horse in the same path she had just taken. Slowly he followed the movements she’d taken, pulling his feet out of the stirrups and underneath him, and standing fully, arms out and knees, just as she’d done.

She watched in awe at how magnificent, how fierce, he looked standing on his horse with ease.

_How the hell is he managing to do this so easily? I fell on my ass I don’t even know how many times doing this, and I did it at a walk first. His horse is galloping. Does everything just come easily, naturally to him?_

Settling himself back in his saddle, he made his way back to where Isa stood, gaping at him.

“Stop gawking.”

She jolted at that, mouth snapping shut. “Sorry, it’s just…how the hell? This was your first time doing that? Are you sure you’ve never ridden a horse before?”

“It’s not like we had horses in the Underground, so no.”

“I just…it’s just…” Completely at a loss for words, she could only fumble.

He shrugged. “Some things just come more easily for me.” He hopped down from his horse.

Shaking herself from her daze, she marched up to him. Standing this close to him, she realized that he had a few inches on her, which irked her beyond reason.

_Oh you have got to be kidding me. The man is on the shorter side, and is still taller than me? How is that even fair?_

She pushed the thoughts away, and did the unthinkable. She poked his shoulder, hard.

He glared at her. “Oi, what the fuck?”

She poked him again.

“Do you mind?” She thought his voice sounded a touch exasperated this time.

When she went to poke him again, he grabbed her wrist. “Stop.” Now his voice held a firm command in it.

She blinked at him. “I’m sorry, I just had to see if you were real or I was dreaming all of this.”

“I thought you were supposed to pinch yourself for that.”

“Who knows. I just…okay, I’m sorry for that.” Fully realizing what she had just done, a flush crept its way onto her cheek, only to burn even hotter when she realized how close they were.

His eyes bore down into hers as she met his, and for a second, all thought fled her mind. Swallowing, she pulled her arm from his grasp, and took a few steps back.

“Sorry about that again.”

_Why is my voice so breathy?_

“So…since you have seemed to grasp that miraculously well, I guess we can move on to actually maneuvering off the horse.”

She showed him the motions of flying off the horse, and when he copied her actions, she was no longer surprised at how quickly he grasped it.

They made their way back over to their squad, and Isa saw that Furlan and Isabel were also succeeding in maneuvering off their horses.

_No wonder Erwin wanted to recruit these three. It took me a good year to get to the point where I could consistently stand up and move off of Luna without any issues. They’ve mastered this in a day…this is going to be interesting._

~ - ~

About a month had passed and Isa found herself out on the training grounds for close combat training. She abhorred these days, seeing as her fighting skills were terrible. No matter how hard she tried, she always struggled pinning opponents who were larger than her.

Today, was no different, as she found herself currently paired off with Hange. Flagon’s squad had been joined by Erwin’s for training.

It wasn’t just her poor fighting skills that had her thrown to the ground by her opponent over and over again. Isa was having trouble focusing, her attention continuously drawn to the short, raven-haired man who was currently paired off with Derek. It was almost comical the height difference, yet, Levi never faltered, never had any issues with taking down his opponent. She had yet to see Derek make a successful pin, or even land a blow.

_His movements are so fluid. Never hesitates. How can he possibly take down someone so much bigger than he? I don’t understand._

Sensing Isa’s distraction, Hange kicked out, connecting with Isa’s side, knocking her off balance. Running full force at Isa, Hange tackled her and had Isa on her back. Pinned. Yet again.

Hange was never one to pass up a chance to embarrass her friend. Humor lined her voice as she said, “I don’t blame you for being distracted Isa. He is rather attractive.”

Isa’s eyes narrowed as warmth spread across her face. She stood on her feet, fixing her friend in a harsh stare. Clenched teeth ground out, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The look Hange gave her said, _you can’t fool me._

“Whatever, let’s just keep going,” Isa grumbled.

As they fought, she still couldn’t help herself from glancing his way, curiosity getting the better of her. She vaguely wondered if the raven strands were as soft as they looked. She recalled the way those piercing gray eyes had seared into her that first day, the way her skin had tingled. The muscles of his back and arms bunching underneath his shirt as he gracefully dodged his opponent’s attacks made something clench inside her.

Hange noticed Isa’s attention was elsewhere again and took full advantage of her distraction. And Isa ended up on the ground. Again. Growling in frustration Isa forced her attention back to her opponent.

_What the hell am I even thinking? What is wrong with me?_

Several rounds later, Isa landed on the ground again, this time face down.

Flagon called out, “Sloppy moves Isa! Go again!”

The two girls squared off again. This time, as Hange punched out, Isa grabbed her arm. The arm closest to Hange wrapped around her neck as she used her foot to kick out, sending Hange face down on the ground. Moving quick, Isa twisted Hange’s arm behind her back, effectively pinning her down, though Isa knew Hange had only let her win in an attempt to get Flagon off her back.

“Better, but still sloppy. Let’s try pairing you with someone else.” Flagon perused the other Scouts on the training grounds. “Levi!”

Levi, who was in the middle of pinning his opponent, yet again, turned and regarded Flagon with bored eyes.

“Come over here and swap with Hange. Hange, go pair up with Derek."

Isa sputtered. “B-but sir, is that really necessary?”

_There’s no way I can fight him! Just look at how easily he took down Derek. And Derek is practically twice my size!_

“Are you questioning a superior officer?”

“N-no sir.”

Scowling, Levi slowly made his way over to where Isa stood.

“Isa, maybe you’ll learn something from the Underground rat.” At that, Flagon turned and walked away.

“Yes sir,” she ground out, a bit annoyed at the insult Flagon had spat out. She turned to Levi who was standing, arms crossed, regarding her with that bored expression, revealing nothing. As her heart thudded in her ears, she raised her arms up in defense. Levi did the same.

Both waited for the other to make a move until finally Levi broke the silence, rolling his eyes in the process. “Are you gonna make the first move or you gonna keep standing there like you’re about to shit yourself?”

Swallowing hard, she took the first swing. And realized quickly she was even more outmatched now than she’d ever been. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised, given how easily and continuously he knocked Derek onto the ground.

Amazed against her better wishes, she thought, _so fast, how the hell does he move so fast_. She struggled to dodge the blows he sent her way. She didn’t even bother trying to swing again, too focused on trying to avoid getting hit. She failed to dodge his leg as it swept hers, effectively knocking her on her ass.

Glowering as she rose and faced him again, they continued practicing. His punches and kicks landing, the adrenaline blocking the pain for the time being, but she knew the aches would only come in the morning, a reminder of this humiliation.

He knocked her off her feet, face down, arm wrenched behind her back. His voice like dark silk in her ear as she squirmed beneath him, “Tell me how someone from Mitras ended up here in the Scouts. What, get bored with Wall Sina? Thought you’d slum it with the laypeople.”

Despite the shiver that ran down her spine at the feel of his breath tickling her ear, her eyes flashed. She hated that he was still so suspicious of her. Isabel and Furlan had long accepted her, but their gray-eyed friend was still wary. “You don’t know anything about me. I’m surprised you’d judge someone you barely know, when that’s exactly what _everyone_ is doing to you three. _Except_ me…and Hange.”

When he released her, she rose back up, senses on edge as she met his bored gaze, and faced off against him again. She struggled to dodge the series of punches he threw her way. Several landed. Her shoulder. Her arm. A kick to her side. Moving back as he advanced on her, she did her best to avoid the round kick he sent her way.

Before she had time to process what was happening, he’d grabbed the hand she hadn’t realized she was swinging his way, kicked her feet out from under her, knocking her flat on her back. Straddling her as he drew her arms up and over her head, he’d effectively pinned her. Again. Frustrated, she met his gaze.

Looking up at him, she realized something. His eyes weren’t gray. Or they were, but there were hints of blue hiding deep in his eyes, and she wondered what it would take to make those flecks the dominant color in his eyes. Her eyes widened as she realized she wanted to see more of that blue.

A faint scent of mint and tea, mixed with something masculine that she could not place, engulfed her. Consumed her. Her heart fluttered and thrummed in her ears when she noted how close he was, his body practically flush against hers as he pinned her to the ground. Her body was on fire from the heat of his.

Breath hitching, she didn’t understand the sudden rush that flowed through her veins. She fought against a primal instinct that urged her to lift her hips, which threw her off completely.

_What the hell? Focus Isa, you’re in the middle of training and just lost another fight, why are you reacting like this? What the hell is this? Focus!_

As she lay beneath him, struggling to free herself from his hold, trying to understand the sensations coursing through her, a flash of light in her mind disoriented her, and the world around her faded.

~ - ~

_She’s now in a small room. The air is dank, smelling of sewer, with a staleness in it that makes it hard to take a decent breath. The aftertaste sticks to her mouth, threatening to never leave. There is a small bed against the wall, and a wardrobe across from it. No other furniture adorns the room._

_On the floor, a young boy of maybe four, with warm gray eyes that hold small flecks of blue, plays alone with some faded blocks._

_A woman walks in through the door, gray eyes haunted, tired, and worn from the day. When the boy looks at her, Isa can feel the affection surging through him, a warmth settling deep inside._

_The woman is so beautiful, so young, her soft features lighting up with love and joy as she looks at the child playing in the room. Her gray eyes now shine with complete adoration at the boy sitting in front of her, the devastated look completely erased from her eyes as she watches her precious child._

_‘Levi.’ Her honeyed voice has a gentle lilt to it, full of the fondness that plays all over her face. ‘Levi, my love, how’s my sweet, handsome boy?’_

_The boy’s body floods with happiness at the nickname._

_‘Mama play.’_

_Her face brightens further at her son’s request, and she gives him a soft smile. ‘Of course, my love.’_

_She sits on the floor and plays with her little boy. Her sweet laughter at her son’s imagination fills the stale air around them. With her in the room, the air seems lighter, fresher, happier._

_The boy looks at his mother._

_‘Mama hug.’_

_The woman doesn’t hesitate to bring her son into her warm, loving arms._

_A smile so big, so beautiful, so precious spreads across his face. Love that only a child can feel, radiates from his tiny body. The gray in his eyes has been overtaken by the blue hue, filling with that childlike love. He cups her face in his tiny hands, kisses her on the cheek, and then presses his forehead against hers._

_‘Mama, I love you.’_

_A matching smile fills the woman’s face, her eyes watering with joy, love, happiness._

_He snuggles into his mother’s soft embrace, and with a sleepy yawn, falls into a peaceful slumber. Isa watches as a single tear falls from the woman’s eyes, as she holds him closer, gently stroking his hair._

_Isa can feel the love, the desire to protect and cherish, the desperate emotions only a mother can feel for her child, emanating in waves from her. It’s almost too much to bear, yet too precious to look away from._

_Her voice is soft and tender as she speaks her next words._

_‘I love you too my sweet, handsome boy. Always.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	8. The Trio-Part 4

Isa was brought back to the present without warning. Confused, dazed, and disoriented, she blinked, looking around her. Nothing had changed. The scouts around her were still working on their close combat training. No one seemed to have noticed what had happened.

She was struggling to understand what just happened.

She was completely oblivious to the lone tear trickling down her cheek. The warmth of the woman’s emanating love as she hugged her small child still enveloped her. The word _'always'_ kept echoing in her mind.

_The love that woman had for him, I’ve never felt anything like it._

She looked up at Levi who still had her pinned.

She watched as his face morphed through more emotions than she’d yet to see expressed from him.

Shock.

Disbelief.

Confusion.

Anger.

The change happened in a matter of seconds before he regained composure, and she wondered if she’d imagined the myriad of emotion that had played across his face.

Any other time, she might have been elated to have caused his face to show something other than that bland expression, but in the moment, she was too stunned by what had happened.

His face now neutral, his narrowed eyes watchful and calculating. “What was that?” When he spoke, his tone was as bland as ever, if not more so, carefully hiding any clue or inclination of what he was thinking.

She gulped, at a loss for words in how to explain what that was. His face was stoic, his tone was even, yet, she felt he was more on edge than ever. “I…I honestly don’t know. Th-that’s never happened before.” She watched him with wide eyes, unsure of what to do.

She vaguely wondered if this is how he looked when he interrogated people who crossed him in the Underground. She felt like she should be afraid, but for some reason, she wasn’t. Something told her that, despite what had just transpired, he wouldn’t hurt her.

As if only just now realizing he was still hovering over her, he leapt up. The way he acted you would think she’d gone aflame, and he wanted to avoid getting burned.

Before either could say or do anything else, Flagon and Erwin dismissed their squads for the day, training having ended. Levi walked away without another word, though Isa had the sneaking suspicion that he was far from done questioning her.

She sat up on the ground, as her senses returned to her, and her mind buzzed with questions about what she just saw.

_Who was the woman? That had to have been his mother right? I mean, he even called her ‘mama.’ What happened to her? Something bad must have happened to her right? Or maybe she’s still in the Underground, and he’s going to try to bring her to the surface?_

_Except…he seemed so happy, so full of love and life in the memory, so different than how he is now. Now he’s more reserved, constantly on guard. That sort of change doesn’t happen unless you go through some horrible shit._

_Levi, what the hell have you had to endure?_

~ - ~

After dinner, she was walking back to her room, when a hand came from behind her grabbing her arm, and dragged her along.

Stumbling, she turned to look to see who had grabbed her, and her eyes boggled when she saw Levi yanking her through the hall, his hand was wrapped around her arm in an iron tight grip.

“Levi…wh-what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer, only picked up his pace. Having been caught off guard, it took her several steps before she was able to walk without stumbling.

She followed him as he led them down some steps, down a long hallway, and into a cellar, where Furlan was waiting.

He sat her down onto a crate and then he perched himself on a crate opposite of her. “Speak.”

She blinked. “Umm…what do you mean?”

“I want to know what your play is. What the hell was that earlier?”

_My play?_

Isa had now idea what he was talking about. Did he seriously think she did that on purpose? She had absolutely no idea how that had happened. She didn’t even know what it was. All she knew was that one minute she’d been laying on the ground, pinned by him, and the next, she was in some memory of his.

“I-I already told you that I don’t know.”

He glared at her.

_How do I get him to believe me? He’s already got issues with being overly suspicious. This is bound to just make it worse._

“What do you want me to say? That I did that on purpose?”

“What are you? Some military experiment? What were you looking for? _Who_ commanded you to do this?”

“Looking for?” Her voice came out as a screech and she had to pause so that her next words came out less shrill. “What? You think I purposely looked into your memories to try to find something?"

_Military experiment? Sure, I wouldn’t put it past the military to experiment on people to try to build stronger soldiers. But surely they wouldn’t waste time on something like being able to see people’s memories. What good does that do when fighting titans? Maybe for the Military Police. But I’ve never heard about something like this._

_Surely there would have been rumors if the military were experimenting on people._

He was clearly unimpressed by her lack of answer. “Why the hell else would you have done that?”

“I already told you, I don’t know how that happened or what that was.”

She flinched when a thud echoed in her ear, and when she turned her head, she saw a knife was now stuck in the crate sitting beside her head.

_Where the hell did the knife come from?_

Regaining composure, she met his glare with a raised brow and calm eyes. “Threaten me all you want Levi, I know you’re not going to hurt me.”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “Oh? What makes you so sure of that. I’ve hurt other people for less.”

“If you had really wanted to hurt me, you would have done so by now. Either on the training grounds, or when you dragged me in here to interrogate me. And I’ve seen you in training.” She jabbed her thumb at the knife beside her, emphasizing her next point. “You don’t miss unless it’s on purpose. Something is telling you that I’m not lying, which is why you haven’t hurt me.”

Levi pulled the knife out of the crate before turning to Furlan standing beside of him. “What do you think?”

Furlan watched her with calculating eyes. “I think we can trust her. She hasn’t done anything to us to suggest otherwise. If anything, she’s been the most welcoming of everyone.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, clearly dissatisfied with Furlan’s answer. “That’s exactly why we shouldn’t trust her. Why would someone be that welcoming?”

“Because I know what it’s like to be judged based on where I come from. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I…am not…your enemy.” She tried to keep her voice calm, but it was becoming more challenging by the minute.

Isa was growing tired of having to repeat herself trying to convince him that she wasn’t out to get them. Sure, she’d told herself on multiple occasions that Levi wasn’t the type to trust automatically, but this man just _tried_ her patience.

He jabbed the knife in her direction. “If I want your input, I’ll ask for it. Otherwise keep your mouth shut.”

He looked back at Furlan, eyes accusatory. “How do I know your judgment isn’t clouded?”

Furlan’s eyes narrowed at that. “That would never happen.”

“How can I be sure? You’ve never acted this way before.”

“What are you trying to insinuate?” Furlan’s voice was on edge, tense.

“You know exactly what.”

Isa was confused. She didn’t know what Levi meant by Furlan’s judgment being clouded. To her, he seemed as logical as always. She didn’t think there could be anything that would mess with either of their judgments. They were too rational for that.

Furlan’s voice brought her out of her thoughts.

His tone was steady and firm as he spoke. “I assure you that is not happening.” He paused, brow raised. “How do I know _your_ judgment isn’t clouded? It was your memory she saw, not mine.”

Isa was growing tired of them talking about her as if she weren’t there. Sure she’d unintentionally invaded Levi’s thoughts, but the memory wasn’t exactly self-incriminating.

“Don’t you think if I were purposefully trying to dig for information, I would have looked for a different memory? Not one that’s so personal?”

“Personal memories can be plenty useful if you know how to wield them.” Levi spat out.

Beyond exasperated at this point, Isa threw up her hands. “What good would that memory do me? It’s a sweet memory, but it’s not like I can use that to drag information from you! If I knew what this was and had the ability to control it to gain information, I would have gone with something that had more substance!” Long gone was any semblance of calm in her voice, it having now grown to a near shout as she tried to get her point through Levi’s thick skull.

Furlan, always acting as a voice of reason, tried to get his friend to see the logic of her argument. “Levi, think about it, she has a point.”

Levi watched her with narrow eyes, carefully considering her words. She could practically see his mind running through all the information, processing it, trying to determine the best course of action.

She tried not to let the piercing gray distract her as he dissected her, as if it were he who could see into her memories, and not the other way around. She noticed that the flecks of blue were even less prominent now, and she wondered if the more negative emotions he felt, the more gray his eyes were. That same rush she’d felt months ago, that first day when his group had joined, filled her again, at the feeling of being stripped down to her soul.

Finally, after several moments of deliberation, he jabbed the knife at her again. “I’ll believe you. For now. Don’t make me regret this.”

He left the room without looking back, leaving her behind with Furlan.

Isa looked at Furlan. “Thanks for that.”

He shrugged and sat down beside her. “I meant what I said. You haven’t done anything since we joined to suggest we can’t trust you. Levi just has a hard time trusting new people.”

“…I’ve noticed.” Her tone was bland at the obvious point he made.

He laughed. “Well when you come from where we do, it makes you skeptical around people.”

She pouted. “Isabel doesn’t seem to have a problem with me.”

“She’s always been that way. She’s hardheaded and stubborn, but she’s a good judge of character. She trusts easily, and I’ve yet to see it come back to bite her.”

She looked at him curiously. “What about you? From what I’ve seen, if anyone is closest in personality to Levi, that would be you.”

“I just…I have a sense about you.” As he spoke, Isa noticed that a slight tinge of pink began to creep its way up onto his cheeks. “I’ve learned to trust my gut when it tells me whether or not I can trust someone. I’m sure Levi’s is telling him the same, he’s just more stubborn and suspicious.”

“There has to be more to it than that.” Furlan didn’t strike her as the type who would only go based on his gut when it comes to these things. He would need more to make a sound decision that he felt comfortable with.

Rubbing a hand through his hair, he gave a nervous chuckle. “Isabel always used to tell us that you can tell what a person is like based on how they treat animals. I’ve seen how you are with your horse. That’s enough proof for me.”

“I wish everything were as easy as that.” Isa grumbled.

Furlan draped an arm around her shoulders. “Just…give him time. He’ll come around eventually. Hell, he didn’t even trust me at first. It took him a long time before he fully trusted me. When he asked me earlier for my opinion? That wouldn’t have happened when he first met me.”

Isa sighed, arms now crossed. “Fine…I guess. And I thought I had trust issues.”

Furlan thought for a moment. “What was the memory you saw?”

Isa shook her head. “I…I can’t say. It’s not my memory to share, and it would be wrong of me to tell you when I didn’t earn the right to know that information about him. If he wants to, he’ll tell you himself.”

He nodded. “Fair enough.” He looked at the entrance to the room. “I’m sure Levi thinks so as well.”

Isa gaped when she heard a scoff come from the cellar door, realizing that Levi had heard every word of her conversation with Furlan.

_Was him leaving like that just a test?_

Levi’s bland voice entered the room. “Don’t think this changes much.” With that, Isa heard soft footsteps receding from the door as Levi left for real this time.

Furlan shook his head. “Don’t listen to him."

~ - ~

The next few weeks passed without event. Each day was filled with a different form of training and Isa couldn’t tell if it was getting easier or if she was just getting stronger.

She loved watching Levi, Isabel, and Furlan train. They were insanely skilled, and she was impressed that they hadn’t had any formal training.

What always struck her was Levi, and how fluid his movements were, moving through training without hesitation. They’d all taken turns trying to catch him off guard by moving the titans, and even when they thought they’d succeeded, he somehow managed to correct himself and adapt.

It didn’t matter what he was doing, ODM training, horseback riding, hand-to-hand, everything he did, it seemed to come easily. Naturally. As if he’d been born for this.

Isa loved the days where she would watch the sunset with them up on the roof, just as they had that first day. Levi, Isabel, and Furlan never tired of watching the splendor that was the sun saying goodbye to the day and giving way to the moon and night. Though their faces never held that initial mesmerized look they’d had the first time the saw the sunset, the content expressions on their faces was enough to show that they had yet to get bored with the view.

Hange occasionally came up to the roof, but she had trouble sitting still and just enjoying the moment. One of the things that Isa loved most about Hange, was her ability to never waver or falter whenever Levi would give some terse insult to her questions. She always laughed it off, almost as if she had long ago figured him out. She was quick to give some quippy response right back that usually had him grumbling or rolling his eyes.

When it came time for their free day of the week, Isa decided a trip to Trost was needed. It had been too long since she’d seen Ethel, and she always felt better after a visit with the older woman.

She made quick work of tacking up Luna, and soon she was off to Trost.

The day was sunny, yet the overwhelming heat that comes with summer was beginning to wane as the air prepared itself for the coolness of the coming fall. The next expedition would fall during the cooler months and she wondered what outside the walls looks like when the leaves begin to make that change from lush, soft green to crisp, golden oranges and reds.

Levi’s memory kept playing in her mind, as it had been in the days since it had happened. She wanted to know what that was and how the hell she’d even managed to see that memory.

_I’ve never had that happen before. I don’t know what it was or how to explain it away. It’s just…bizarre._

She felt guilty for having seen such a personal memory. Those are the kinds of memories you earn through friendship and trust, and she’d skipped right past those phases and taken a vulnerable moment from him.

But now that she had seen it, she couldn’t help but wonder about it. He’d seemed so close with his mother. No fear of showing emotion. Willing to hug and kiss his mother who had obviously adored him. Isa could still remember the haunted look that simply vanished from the woman’s eyes just by looking at her son.

She could still feel the radiating effects of her love for him. The peaceful joy that came from him. He’d felt safe…happy…loved.

_What could he have gone through between then and now, to change him from such an open child, to a closed-off adult?_

She thought back to her own past, what she’d gone through, yet, she’d managed to pull through. She had trust issues, but she could smile, laugh, joke. She didn’t think she’d ever seen the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

She wondered what it would look like.

She imagined his lips curling up with joy at some joke she said. Was his laugh deep and throaty? Full of life? Or was his laugh the softer type?

He would make some quippy remark back that would draw a laugh from her. He’d pull her into his arms, wrapping her close, before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on her lips, and it would deepen, that scent of tea surrounding her. She wondered what his lips would feel like…would they be hard and demanding like his personality? Or would they be soft and sweet, a complete contrast to what he shows everyone else? Or both?

And if it went further? Now she imagined him guiding her into the bedroom, where he would place her on the bed. She thought back to how warm his body had been when they’d fought in training, and he’d hovered over her when he’d pinned her. Except this time, his body would be completely on hers, his weight pressing her into the mattress. Hands roaming as they touched her everywhere, lighting fires all over her—

With a jolt she realized where her thoughts had strayed. Eyes wide in horror and cheeks aflame, she reprimanded herself.

 _What the_ hell _was that? I-I don’t want that! Why am I imagining that with someone who would never see me that way? I can barely get him to trust me and I’m imagining that? The fuck is wrong with me? I’ve never thought about someone like that before, so why now!_

Shaking her head, she tried to slow her pounding heart. She didn’t know if her heart raced from the daydream or from the embarrassment of imagining that with Levi.

She spent the rest of the ride to Trost trying to shake off the embarrassment.

Once she’d arrived at Ethel’s shop, she walked through the door, the smell of tea enveloping her. The familiar jangle of the bell brought a smile to her face that only grew when she saw the older woman come around the counter to greet her with a hug as she always did.

“Isa, as always, I’m so happy you’re here.”

Isa just allowed herself to enjoy the older woman’s hug, her soft, floral scent enveloping her.

“How’s about we have some tea?”

Isa smiled. “As if you have to ask?”

The older woman chuckled as she pulled away to go prepare the tea. Isa made her way to the back room and sat on the couch inside.

Soon Ethel walked in, and the smell of chamomile tea filled the room.

Isa took a cup and the tea warmed her from the inside with the first sip as it always did.

As they sat, Isa told Ethel about training, the upcoming expedition in a couple of months, as well as the new trio who’d recently joined the scouts. Isa talked about Isabel and her playful eagerness, always smiling yet more than capable of taking care of herself. Furlan and his quiet calm that always managed to put her at ease, his ability to analyze and assess what’s in front of him to find the best course of action.

When she got to Levi, she didn’t know how to explain him.

“He’s…different. He always wears this bored look on his face, as if he’d rather be anywhere else, yet, his eyes are watchful, taking in everything around him.” Isa’s brows knit as she tried to describe what she’d noticed about the stoic man. “I’ve never met someone who’s able to hide what they’re thinking so well.”

Ethel thought for a moment. “I think it’s confusing for you, because you’re used to relatively open people. Take Hange for instance, that girl practically wears her heart on her sleeve and tells you what she’s thinking and feeling without a problem. The same with Sherri and Lucy. From what you tell me, Isabel sounds a lot like Hange. Even Furlan seems to be on the more open side, even if he is cautious.” Ethel ticked off all her examples one by one, and Isa realized the older woman had a point.

Ethel continued. “He’s throwing you off, because he’s something you’re not used to. He’s different. An enigma. And let me tell you, men like that, they’re the kind you can’t help but want to get to know. It’s that thrill of a mystery. It draws in women like us like moths to a flame. My husband was the same.”

“An enigma?” Isa was dumbfounded.

“Yes, I remember how frustrating it was when I first met my husband. I could hardly tell if he was interested in me or if he couldn’t stand the sight of me.” The woman chuckled fondly at the memory of her husband. “But as you get to know these types of men, you start to learn what drives them. And how to read them.”

“It just seems like I’ll never get to that point. I’m already shit at reading people and I can’t even get him to trust me.” Isa paused to consider her next words. “I…I think he’s been through a lot, and he’s suspicious about everything.”

“Jaded men often are. They close their hearts off for fear of pain. But let me tell you something about the jaded man.” Ethel gave her a serious look. “Once he trusts you, he’s loyal to no end. Because you’ve done the unthinkable. You’ve broken through all the walls he had built around him and earned his trust.”

Isa had no words. She’d never thought of any of this. She wasn’t sure what to feel…what to think.

“But…how do I get to that point where he trusts me?”

“My dear, that’s entirely up to you. Each one is so fundamentally different, that there’s no way to know.”

Isa groaned and leaned back into the couch, crossing her arms across her chest. “Well that’s completely unhelpful.” Isa grumbled.

Ethel ran a fond hand through Isa’s hair. “I know. That’s how I felt too when I sought advice about my husband when we first met. Whether you just want friendship, or something more with this man, you’ll have to find your own path to that.”

Isa’s face flushed. “I-I never said anything about more th-than friends.”

Ethel laughed. “You didn’t have to.” She gave the girl a fond smile. “You’ll figure it out eventually.”

Getting up from the couch, Ethel grabbed a tin of green tea.

“Here Isa, take some tea for that man. From what you tell me, I think he’d like this blend.”

Isa eyed the tin before meeting Ethel’s warm eyes with stubborn ones. “Alright, but only if you let me pay for this one. It’s not a gift from me if I didn’t buy it.”

Ethel sighed. “Fine, if you insist dear.”

After her visit Isa was feeling a bit better. She hadn’t met someone as closed off as Levi before. Even with Furlan, he’d accepted her within a few days. Levi was constantly questioning everything. She already had trouble reading people in general, but with him, she’d had the most difficulty trying to figure him out.

She remembered what Ethel said about how enigmatic men draw women in.

_How did she phrase it? ‘It’s that thrill of a mystery.’_

_Is that how I see him? A mystery? And what did she mean by ‘find my own path.’ I’ve been fumbling around with no success. If anything, I’m pretty sure I’ve just pissed him off more than he already was._

As she walked through Trost, something in a small trinket shop caught her eye, pulling her from her thoughts.

She pushed the door open as she walked towards the display in the window. There she found what had caught her eye. Nestled at the top of a basket full of various bits and baubles, was a bracelet with a single charm in the same shape as Isabel’s necklace.

Without thinking, she grabbed it, fully intent on buying it for the girl, no questions asked. As she walked towards the counter, another item caught her eye. This one was hanging off a board on the wall, so well hidden amongst the other trinkets, she’d almost missed it.

She reached up to grab the simple gold pocket watch, knowing instantly that it would be perfect for Furlan.

She took both items to the counter and made her purchase, a small smile on her face.

~ - ~

Back at headquarters, she found the trio sitting out in the courtyard, and she quickly made her way over to them, excited to give them their gifts.

It was long past due that they got some sort of welcome gift, and if no one else was going to do it, she was more than happy to fill the roll.

She plopped herself down next to Isabel, a grin on her face, unable to contain her excitement.

Levi looked at her with a raised brow. “What’s with the face?”

Isa rolled her eyes, but her smile never left her face. “You’ll see.”

She pulled the two boxes out of her satchel and handed them to Furlan and Isabel.

Their eyes widened as they looked at the boxes in Isa’s hands, but neither made a move to take them.

Now Isa was a little nervous. She’d never bought someone a gift before, and she was worried that it was inappropriate or that they wouldn’t like the gifts. She’d been so wrapped up in how perfect she’d found the bracelet and pocket watch, she hadn’t even thought of what their reactions could be.

Chewing her lip, her outstretched hands lowered a little, the glow from her earlier beam fading. “I…umm went to Trost today, and I-I saw these, and they made me think of you guys. I…umm…thought you might like them.” Her voice was shaky now, no longer certain and sure as it had been moments ago.

Isabel and Furlan looked at each other before reaching out and taking the boxes in Isa’s hands. She held her breath as they slowly unwrapped them. Their jaws dropped when they saw what was inside.

Isabel was first to recover, tackling Isa in a rib-crushing hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. It’s beautiful. And it matches the necklace bro gave me forever ago.”

Isa smiled and exhaled the breath she’d been holding, relieved. “I-I’m glad you like it. I saw it in the window of a shop and noticed that it almost perfectly matches your necklace.”

She pulled back, waiting to see Furlan’s reaction. He was still gaping at the pocket watch that he now held in his hand.

He looked up to meet her gaze, his eyes unreadable, a slight flush present on his cheeks. He finally regained control over his mouth. “Th-thank you. It’s…I…it’s really nice.”

She gave him a small smile, but before she could say anything else, a hand on her collar had yanked her to her feet and was pulling her across the courtyard.

It took her a moment to realize that Levi was dragging her along behind him…again.

“Levi…wait…stop pulling me.”

Ignoring her, he pulled her around the corner of one of the buildings in the courtyard. He pushed her up against a wall, hands on either side of her head, effectively caging her in.

She could feel the flush creeping up her neck and face at the close proximity. “If you wanted to talk to me alone, you could have just said so.” Her tone snarky and unforgiving as she tried to ignore the rush coursing through her.

Completely disregarding her comment, he instead asked, “What’s your deal?” His tone was low and suspicious, eyes narrowed and calculating.

Isa rolled her eyes. “I don’t have a _deal_ Levi. What? Are you jealous? Don’t worry, I have something for you too.” The heat radiating from him was setting her on edge.

“No one does things for others without wanting something in return.”

Her eyes narrowed at that, glinting dangerously. “Maybe that’s how _you_ do things, but I’m trying to show you that they can.”

He leaned in closer, so close she could see those blue flecks in his eyes that she’d thought she’d imagined the first time she saw them. He had effectively shut off her brain without even trying, her eyes now wide as she stared at him. Her blood was a roar in her ears as the smell of tea and mint surrounded her, filling her, and it was intoxicating.

“Everyone wants something. What do you want?” His voice was husky as it spoke next to her ear.

She gulped as her mind leapt to all sorts of inappropriate places, back to her daydream from earlier. She didn’t think he’d intended his voice to sound so…suggestive.

_Stop it! He did NOT mean it that way. What is wrong with you? He’s suspicious of you, questioning everything you say and do, and then he asks ‘what do you want’ and your mind automatically goes THERE? You have no shame. You are worse than Lucy and Sherri combined._

_Besides, there’s absolutely no way I’m interested in him that way...right? No not possible._

He leaned back, eyes narrowing. “I’m waiting.” The slight impatient tone in his voice had her flushing harder when she realized she hadn’t answered yet, and she had to forcibly shove those thoughts out of her mind.

“You wanna know what I want?” Her voice was soft. “I want you to trust me.”

He scoffed, eyes piercing hers looking for some sign of insincerity.

“Here.” She pulled the tin of tea out of her satchel and shoved it into his hands. “I thought you might like this. I’m friends with the owner of a teashop and she recommended this one for people with sticks up their ass.”

With that, she pushed past him and walked away, his words echoing in her mind.

_'What do you want?'_

_'What do you want?'_

When she realized her last words to him, she inwardly cringed.

_Wow…just…wow. I can’t believe I said that to him. Great way to earn his trust by insulting him._

_..._

_What do I want?_

She gave a brief glance over her shoulder and saw that Levi was looking at the tin of tea in his hand, slightly stunned. His eyes snapped to hers, but this far away she couldn’t even try to read them. In the darkness of the corridor, all she saw were two glinting pools of gray, hinting of blue. She gave him a small smile before turning and walking off.

~ - ~

Another week had passed, and Isa found herself sitting in the courtyard writing in her journal. With how busy she’d been recently, she hadn’t found as much time to write as she would have liked. Jotting down her thoughts and feelings always helped her work through whatever was plaguing her mind. The current topic was Levi.

She thought she’d managed to make a little progress with him back after his interrogation. Yet, after she gave the three of them the gifts she’d found in Trost, he’d been as cold and suspicious as ever.

She thought about what Furlan had told her, about how it would take time for him to trust that she wasn’t out to hurt them. She just wasn’t sure how to push forward. It felt like she every time she made the slightest progress, there was a setback.

And Ethel’s words continued to frustrate her.

_‘You’ll have to find your own path.’ What the hell does that even mean?_

“Isa! Finally I found you!”

A voice pulled her from her thoughts, and she looked up to see Isabel running towards her from the other side of the courtyard.

“Isabel, what’s wrong?”

“You have to come with me, you’ll never guess what I found!”

Before Isa could say anything else, Isabel had grabbed onto Isa’s arm and was pulling her along in a full-on sprint.

“Isabel, slow down.”

“No way, you have to see this now.”

Stumbling, Isa struggled to keep up with her. “What is it with you guys and just dragging me everywhere?”

 _I wonder where she gets_ that _from._

Isabel pulled Isa through the courtyard, towards the forest where they did ODM training. It took Isa a moment to realize that Isabel was pulling her away from where they held training and off into a part of the forest that she’d never been to. She’d never had the chance or desire to explore.

“Isabel, where are we going?” Isa huffed.

“You’ll see, just come on! Keep up!”

“I’m trying.”

“Try harder.”

They kept going until Isa thought her lungs would burst. She thought was in good shape, but she’d never ran this fast for this long before.

_Damn, I didn’t expect her to be able to run so fast! I’ve seen her in training, but I swear I’ve never seen her run this fast._

Finally, Isabel began to slow down, and Isa could hear the sound of running water. Coming to a full stop, Isabel turned to face Isa, who was now hunched over, gasping for air.

A giant grin was all over her face. “Alright, I’m going to cover your eyes. You trust me right?”

Isa thought back to that first night when Isabel had put her full trust into Isa, closing her eyes so she could be surprised by the sunset.

She gave Isabel a smile and through her attempts at controlling her breathing, she managed to say, “Of course.”

Isabel’s smile only widened, and she moved her hand over Isa’s eyes. Slowly Isabel guided Isa forward, and the sound of running water grew louder. Isa noticed that the air began to smell fresher, cleaner as they moved forward.

When they came to a stop, Isa waited for Isabel to move her hand, though her curiosity was fully piqued at this point, dying to know what she was about to see, though she could tell water was involved.

Isabel slowly moved her hand out of the way, and Isa had to blink a few times while her vision readjusted to the light. What she saw in front of her took her breath away.

A giant lake sat in front of her, surrounded by the greenest brush and trees she’d ever seen. Rocks of all shapes and sizes were situated haphazardly around the body of water in front of her. Long flat rocks, short fat rocks, and all types in between. As she took in the sight, she realized that the sound of water had been a waterfall pouring into the lake below, its path cutting over a pile of rocks that stood at a modest height.

The colors in front of her were magnificent. The rocks were different shades of grays, browns, some even held a faint shade of red hidden within. The water was so clear she could see the bottom. Small rocks and different plants littered the lakebed. A trick of the light and coloring made it look both shallow and full of depth at the same time.

She didn’t know how she was supposed to take it all in at once. She wanted to spend hours, no days, just taking in every, single minute detail.

Gaping, she looked at her friend. “Isabel how the hell did you find this?”

Isabel was bouncing in place now, completely elated at Isa’s reaction to her find. “I like to go on walks sometimes, clears my head, especially now that I have some fresh air to breathe. I’m not sure how I stumbled across this, but I’m glad I did.”

“It’s…beautiful.” She marveled at the wonder in front of her, hating that she’d never found this before, wishing she’d thought to explore more.

“It really is, I didn’t know something like this existed, or could even exist. I’d never even imagined something like this.”

Isa found a comfortable looking rock, and sat down, continuing to take in the view, letting the soft, cascading flow of water as it moved down the rocks to splash into the lake below.

Isabel sat down next to her. “Furlan told me about what happened a few weeks ago.”

Without looking away from the scenery, Isa asked, “What exactly did he tell you.”

“Well he told me that you saw some memory of Levi’s and then that he basically interrogated you, trying to find out what that was.”

“Yea that’s basically what happened.”

“Can you…can you tell me what you saw?”

Isa thought for a moment. “I’ll tell you what I told Furlan when he asked me that. I don’t think it’s my place to tell you this memory. You may already know it, but I don’t want to risk that. I’ll just say, that he seemed…happy, and more open than I’ve ever seen him.”

Isabel nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer. “Fair enough.”

Isa smiled when Isabel’s words were the same as Furlan’s response to her.

They sat for a few minutes, just enjoying the sound of the water tinkling over the rocks.

“Isabel?”

She hummed in response.

Isa chewed at her lip, unsure of how to ask. “What’s Levi’s deal? I mean…why is he having so much trouble believing me when I tell him that I didn’t try to search his memories on purpose. That I have no idea how that happened or what the hell it is?”

“The thing about bro…he’s not big on being _told_ things.” Isabel gave her an earnest look. “People say things all the time, but don’t always mean what they say. You learn that especially in the Underground. I think, if you want to earn his trust, you’re going to have to _show_ him.”

“Is that what you had to do?”

Isabel shook her head. “No not really. Bro found me when I was young, almost dead on the streets of the Underground. He saved me, practically raised me.” She looked thoughtful as she spoke her next words. “I’m honestly not sure why he saved me. There were plenty of other kids like me.”

“Well any suggestions on what I can do?”

Isabel’s brow furrowed as she thought. “If I’m being honest, you’ve already made some good steps on your own. That first day, when you swapped lockers with me in the tack room, he noticed that. He may not have said anything, but he appreciated that.”

Isabel kept ticking off the different ways Isa’d already made progress. “Or that same day with the sunset. Even though he didn’t trust you at first, he did notice that you weren’t lying about why you brought us up to the roof. The gifts you bought us were another good step. He may have been mean about them, but that’s just how he is. I can tell he appreciated them. He’s drank that tea you got him every day. And, I can tell he likes that you're not afraid to push back at him. You're not as intimidated by him as most people are."

She paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain her bro’s odd personality. “I think what happened the other day in training just threw him off. I don’t think he ever really thought you did it on purpose. I think it was more because you saw such a vulnerable memory. From what you told me, he seemed really happy.”

Isabel’s face had lost its usual spunky demeanor, replaced by sadness as she thought back on Levi’s life, or what she knew of it. “He’s gone through a lot, so he’s not the most open when it comes to his emotions. Which is why it’s important to show him, not tell him. There’s not really anything I can tell you to specifically do, because it’s going to need to come from you.”

Isa took in her friend’s words. “I know I’ve said this before, but you’re really smart, and really good at reading people.”

Isa meant what she said. Isabel was exceptionally astute in how well she was able to accurately figure out what made a person tick.

That drew a laugh from Isabel, wiping the downcast look from her face. “I don’t know why, but I’ve always been good at reading people…animals too. It’s like I can hear their thoughts, their feelings.”

“That’s how I feel with Luna, but just her. With people…it’s hard for me to read them.”

Isabel gave Isa an empathetic look at that. “I think that’s just because you let your fear cloud your judgment. You’re afraid of people rejecting you, so you choose not to see what’s in front of you."

Isa gaped at that. “I…I do that?”

_Do I actually do that? Does my fear of getting too close to people keep me from being able to accurately read them? I didn’t realize that was a thing people could do. I didn’t realize that would affect my judgment that badly._

“Yea, that night when I was crying because I was scared of being alone, well, I could tell that you were afraid to let me know that I could count on you. If you hadn’t let your fear take over you, you would have seen that I wanted to be friends. I’m sure that’s happened before too.”

Isa thought back to her first meeting with Hange, when she’d been so worried that Hange hadn’t really wanted to be friends.

“I…I guess you’re right. I never realized I did that.” Isa wasn’t sure what to make of this newfound information.

Isabel shrugged. “Everyone deals with things in their own way.” She paused for a second. “If you really want to get bro to trust you, just know, it’s going to take a while. He’s not one to give trust easily, but once he does, you have a friend for life.” She gave Isa a sly grin now. “Though…I’m guessing you want more than friendship with him.”

Isa flushed, waving her hands in front of her as she shook her head. “N-no…of course not. I don’t know why you would think that.”

Isabel just chuckled at her friend’s resistance. “For one, your face is crazy red right now. Two, I’ve seen how you look at him. You’re intrigued by him, and you want to know more. It’s okay, you’re not the first girl who’s shown an interest in him that way.”

Isabel bit her lip, clearly worried. “But…if you’re going to do this…don’t hurt him. Like I said, he’s been through a lot, and he’s had a rough life. He’s one of the most loyal people I’ve ever known, and to have someone break his trust hurts him more than he ever lets on.”

A soft smile now overtook Isabel’s face as she thought about her bro. “He’s really a softy at heart, but he hides it behind his rudeness. He doesn’t like to let people in. You have to learn to read between the lines with him. Half the time what he says, he means the opposite.” She laughed at that. “His words are going to come out mean and blunt, but the meaning behind the words remains the same as if he’d used heartfelt words. The more you get to know him, the more obvious it’ll be.”

Isa gave the girl an incredulous look. “So if he tells me I look like shit in the morning, it’s not because he actually thinks I look like shit, but because he’s noticing that I haven’t been sleeping well at night and it shows?”

Isabel laughed, throwing a companiable arm around Isa’s shoulders. “Now you’re getting it.”

The two young women sat together in silence, now enjoying the lake and all its splendor. As they sat, Isa thought about Isabel’s words.

_What she says makes sense. If he’s had as rough a life as she’s suggesting, then, well I can see why he’d have trouble with letting people in, even more so than me, or even Isabel and Furlan. He does seem rather loyal and protective. He wouldn’t even let me touch Isabel when she was covering her eyes and was vulnerable that first night on the roof._

_I don’t know how I feel about her advice about focusing on the meaning behind his words. Right now, I’m not seeing a lot of meaning, just suspicion. Is that something that just comes with time or practice?_

_And what did she mean when she suggested I wanted to be more than friends? Ethel basically said the same thing._

_There’s no way I want that...right?_

_But then…what do I want?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was giving me ALL kinds of trouble trying to write it, which is why it took me longer to write it than the other chapters. I also spent some time planning out the next chunk of chapters, so I have a place to go when I hit the inevitability that is writer’s block.
> 
> I think Levi would be insanely suspicious over what happened in the last chapter…I mean, she did see an insanely vulnerable memory of his, which I think would put him on edge and high alert. But as we’ve seen, he’s extremely perceptive, and generally a good judge of character, so I don’t think it would be too far-fetched for him to believe that she doesn’t know what happened, especially with the points she made…I hope…well for the sake of this story, I’m making it so :P I'm trying to keep him in character but dang it's hard to do that.
> 
> I promise that eventually Levi will come around…it’s just going to take a bit before we get him to the friends stage of this friends to lovers fic. I imagine the No Regrets Levi is completely different from the Levi we see in the main series. I think he’s angrier and more skeptical about everything. It’s going to take a bit, but he’ll start to get there. Like Isabel said, Isa’s already made some progress, even if it doesn’t seem like it. I think that progress with Levi at first will look like nothing, and then he’ll slowly warm up. Right now, Ethel, Isabel, & Furlan are helping her figure out how to decipher the enigmatic person that is Levi. So that’s what I’m working on right now.
> 
> And dang, what is with her seeing that memory? How in the world did that happen? I guess only time will tell. :P
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	9. The Trio-Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a scene of sexual assault.
> 
> I wanted to give a quick thank youuu to everyone who's reading this. No joke, it took me like a week to pluck up the courage to even post chapter 1...and even with every chapter I still get a bit nervous...so thank you again. :)

_She was a young girl of about seven. The morose expression etched into her innocent features was a complete contradiction to the normally cheerful girl. The scene before her was imprinted in her mind forever._

_The soft click of the front door had drawn her out of her slumber. Then came the voices. The pleas. Confused, she had peeked out from around the curtain that sectioned off her makeshift bedroom. The blood in her veins had froze when she saw the scene in front of her._

_Blinking, a cold settled over her as her child’s mind struggled to comprehend._

_Blink._

_Her parents were on their knees._

_Blink._

_A pair of pliers in the man’s hand._

_Blink._

_A pile of fingernails growing on the floor beside him._

_Blink._

_His questions that didn’t register in her mind._

_Blink._

_Finally, the man realized that they were not going to give him the answers he needed. He pulled a knife from his pocket, the giant blade glinting in the moonlight. She stood frozen, as he drew the blade across her dad’s neck, blood gushing out from the wound as he collapsed. Dead._

_Her mom glanced her way, eyes widening as she saw her there in her doorway and screamed, “RUN! Baby, get out, g-.” The sound of a knife tearing through flesh filled the air, cutting her mom off mid-sentence. The girl stood rooted in place, unable to move, the cold engulfing her._

_The man turned and looked at her. The grim look gave way to a malicious grin reaching his cold, gray eyes. “Well hello there. Yes, you’ll do just fine. I’m sure to get a pretty penny for you in Mitras. Lots of couples there lookin’ to buy a child cause they can’t have one.” The malevolent tone of voice had her stomach lurching. “Looks like this whole excursion won’t be a complete waste after all."_

_Tears staining the girl’s face went unnoticed as she took in the lifeless bodies of her parents. Their blood that was running warm in their veins only minutes prior, now lay in a cooling puddle, pooling around them. Before the girl could even register what was happening, he’d grabbed her._

_She was now in that small room, in the house in Mitras, surrounded by darkness, its cold tentacles enveloping her, suffocating her, as she cried out, “Mama, Papa, help me! Help me!” Not fully understanding that her parents were gone. No one could help her now._

_“Help you? Why would anyone help you when you can’t even help your best friend.” Sherri’s sneering face broke through, reminding her of her failure. “Look at Lucy, look at her!”_

_The darkness released her as she turned to look, now outside the walls, and saw Lucy screaming as the titan tried to shove her down its throat. Isa did what she’d done the first time. She went as fast as she could, trying to reach the titan in time, but it was as if the distance kept growing instead of shrinking. When she managed to reach it and slice the nape, like the first time, she was too late._

_The titan lay in a heap on the ground, with Lucy trapped in its mouth. Except, now, instead of soothing words, her last words were harsh and bitter, cutting through Isa._

_“You’re a failure Isa. This is your fault. I hate you. You killed me. You did this.”_

_She was surrounded now, by all the people she called a friend. Isabel. Sherri. Furlan. Hange. Ethel. Even Levi was there. All of them were sneering at her, their voices echoing._

_Failure._

_Pathetic._

_Useless._

_Waste of space._

_“It should have been you and not Lucy.” Sherri’s voice sliced through her._

_“It should have been you and not Lucy.” All their voices melded together on those words, as they kept chanting._

_“It should have been you and not Lucy.” They stepped closer to her, suffocating her._

_‘No!’ She screamed, dropping to her knees. She rocked back and forth, sobbing, head held in her hands._

_“It should have been you and not Lucy.”_

_‘N-no! I-It wasn’t my fault. Please believe me.’ Her voice trembled. Her breaths came in pants as they came closer, practically on top of her now. She shrank into herself, trying to get away._

_“It should have been you and not Lucy.”_

_Now Lucy joined them._

_“It should have been you instead of me."_

Isa woke up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding in her ears, tears staining her cheeks. The moonlight pouring through the window told her she hadn’t been asleep for long. Wiping the sweat and tears off her face, she rose and dressed. She knew there would be no going back to sleep.

She found herself walking towards the entrance to the roof of the base. She’d been there only hours ago with the trio, and now she was back, only this time she was alone.

She stood at the edge of the roof, staring out into the endless night. _Another sleepless night._ She let out a restless sigh.

A forlorn look etched into her features, she sat on the edge of the roof, trying to rein in the barrage of worries. She wanted to scream. Throw something. Instead, she drew her legs in, and buried her face in her knees, taking a deep breath, willing away the grotesque images from the nightmare.

As she sat, she felt a presence behind her. Twisting around where she sat, she saw Levi approaching behind her, footsteps as soft as ever. Ignoring him, she let her head fall back onto her knees.

“I’m surprised someone from Mitras even has trouble sleeping.”

Her head shot up at that to glare at him. “You seem to be under the impression that because I lived in Mitras, my life had no problems. I can assure you that it did.”

When he only looked at her with that same bored expression, something snapped inside her, the effects of the nightmare she’d awoken from still ever present.

“I’m sorry I saw that damn memory Levi.” She growled. “If I could take it back I would. I don’t know how I saw it or what that was, and I don’t know how to get you to believe me. But, if it’ll make us even, I’ll give you a memory of mine. It’s not going to be a happy one, because you didn’t like that I saw a happy memory of yours, and I won’t like you knowing a shit memory of mine.”

She paused, gathering herself.

“The people in Mitras who raised me, they tried to mold me into something I wasn’t. And when I failed, they would throw me into this dark room in their cellar. I told this to Isabel a while back, but what I didn’t tell her was that one time…” She took in a deep breath before continuing. “One time the woman of the house got so fed up with me, she tried to kill me.” She stopped, needing a moment after the admission, never having told anyone this.

“She’d had some nobleman and his son over, and they’d had plans to arrange a marriage for us. That morning she told me to behave in front of my potential future husband. I spent that entire day doing everything I could to keep the nobleman from agreeing to me marrying his son. I succeeded.” She gave a mirthless smile as she remembered how she’d gone out of her way to act as unladylike as possible.

“When they left, the woman was furious. I’d thought all she’d do was throw me into the cellar like she usually did. At that point I could handle it. I’d been there enough. Except this time, I’d gone too far.” Isa’s breath hitched at what she knew was coming.

Her voice had turned hollow, devoid of emotion as she continued. “She had me shoved up against a wall, her hands wrapped around my throat, as she tried to squeeze the life out of me.” Sometimes Isa could still feel the bony fingers around her neck as the grip grew tighter and tighter. “She finally came to her senses and released me, though I know it was only because it wouldn’t look well on her status should others find out she’d killed her adopted daughter.”

When she stopped, she had to wipe the tears from her eyes that she hadn’t noticed before.

“How old?”

She looked at him, a morose expression on her face. “I was fifteen.”

When he said nothing else, she stood.

Before she left, she gave him some final words. “I know my past may not have been as difficult as yours, but it was nowhere near perfect. Remember that next time you question my motivations."

With that, she walked away, leaving Levi behind with his thoughts.

~ - ~

The weeks passed, full of endless training as the scouts relentlessly worked in preparation of the upcoming expedition. The intensity of training had picked up as the leaders worked to make sure that their teams and squads would have a higher chance of well…not dying.

Their training was focused on speed and endurance. They ran the titan course, constantly working towards shaving off seconds and minutes each time, as their leaders demanded more. They did long distance running with their gear and packs on their backs. Drills working on maneuvering on and off the horses.

She’d noticed as time moved forward that some of her stuff had gone missing. First it was a hairbrush. Then some underwear. A bra. She thought perhaps her stuff had gotten mixed up with some of the other girls’ things in the barracks, though she thought it was strange for that to happen.

She didn’t know what to make of it, so she just wrote it off and hoped nothing else would disappear.

As Isa sat in the courtyard writing in her journal after another hard day of training, she couldn’t help but feel impressed by how far her squad had come. The addition of Levi, Isabel, and Furlan, had immensely improved the overall strength of the squad. The squad was now a force to be reckoned with.

Their squad wasn’t without flaws of course. She herself had a tendency to focus too much on the well-being of her comrades, which could be fatal outside the walls. Levi tended to avoid working as a team, preferring to attack the dummies solo. Isabel was easily distracted and Furlan sometimes took too long to decide on a course of action. Sairam spent more time trying to outperform Levi, and more often than not, he failed. Isa personally thought that he did best when he focused on his strengths.

She’d tried to tell him once, and he’d told her to mind her own damn business, and that he didn’t need some ‘princess’ rookie telling him how to train. Needless to say, she hadn’t bothered telling him again.

Derek…Isa just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was constantly watching her. And if he was too busy watching her, then that meant he wasn’t focused on training. She’d prefer it if he would focus on training versus leering at her. Anything would be better than the constant feel of him looking at her.

Even with their weaknesses, she still felt that their squad was one of the stronger squads.

Isa personally thought that if they removed Sairam and Derek from the squad, they’d be damn near perfect.

She appreciated that Flagon was pushing them harder than before in training, despite the fact that she found him on the same level as Sairam personality wise. At least he wasn’t hostile towards her, but he was still as abrasive as ever towards Levi, Isabel, and Furlan.

The amount of laps she’d had to run for calling him out on his treatment of those three…she’d lost count.

Her mind strayed back to Levi, as it often had since she’d met him.

Over the past few weeks, Isa felt that Levi had become…somewhat less suspicious of her. She wondered if sharing that memory from her past with him had helped, but she couldn’t be sure. She still had doubts that she’d ever be able to get him to trust her, but progress was progress.

It didn’t help that her daydream from weeks prior kept playing back in her mind. She struggled to understand the unknown rush that always flowed through her if she was near Levi.

_Is this what desire feels like? I’ve read about it in romance books, and it feels similar to what was described. But it’s one thing to read it, another thing to experience it._

_Ethel and Isabel are under the impression that I’m interested in Levi in a way that’s not just about getting him to trust me._

_It would just be my luck that I would be attracted to someone who can barely stand the sight of me. But it’s not possible. Surely that can’t be what this feeling is._

_Then what is this?_

“Isa!”

Hange’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see her friend running across the courtyard. She smiled at Hange as she plopped down beside of Isa.

Hange was practically vibrating with excitement. “Isa you’ll never guess what I heard!”

“What?”

“There’s an end of season festival happening the day before we leave for the expedition.”

“A what?”

“A festival. There’s music, dancing, plays, food, all kinds of stuff. They’re celebrating the end of the summer. I think it’d be fun if we went.”

Isa couldn’t help but get excited at the thought. These sorts of things never happened in Mitras, or if they had, she’d been unaware of them. She didn’t even have to think twice about her answer.

“Absolutely, it sounds amazing.”

Hange squealed and shook Isa. “This is gonna be so much fun. I'm going to invite Shorty and his friends too. They could use a break from this. "

“Shorty? You’re really going to call him that?”

“Yea. I'm gonna invite the short, angry guy from the Underground you’re clearly interested in, as well as his two friends.”

“Wh-what? I’m not interested in him!”

_What is it with everyone thinking that I'm interested? I'm not..._

“Isa, don’t try to deny it to me. I have eyes. I can tell you’re attracted to him.”

“N-no I’m not. I think your glasses are making you see things that aren’t there. Besides, we have an expedition coming up that I need to stay focused on. I don't have time for that sort of thing.”

Hange gave Isa a look that said she wasn’t buying it, but that she’d let it go for now. Instead, she seated herself more comfortably beside Isa, content in sitting and enjoying the late afternoon breeze with her best friend.

~ - ~

That night, Isa went for a walk around the base, needing to clear her mind for the expedition next week. Her nightmares had gotten worse as this expedition neared, and she hoped the fresh night air would calm her mind enough to let her rest. The nightmares had calmed down somewhat months ago after she’d seen her mother in her dreams. But as the dreaded day neared, they were coming back tenfold, an amalgamation of her parents’ murder, her childhood, and Lucy’s death.

She was near the stables when a voice had her blood chilling.

“Hello Isa darling.”

Isa froze mid-step at the voice. Like prey caught in the aim of a hunter’s crossbow, her head shot up, eyes wide, and the shadow she saw in front of her had her stomach lurching as her body filled with dread.

Something told her she needed to get away. Now.

Swallowing, she willed her feet to keep moving, she was so close to the safety of the buildings. “Derek, leave me alone.”

She tried to walk past him, but like that night so many months ago, he grabbed her wrist in an iron tight hold.

“Come now Isa, why do you keep resisting me?” He probably thought his voice was soft and soothing, but it just made her skin crawl. His eyes held that same glint she’d seen all too many times before when she caught him watching her.

“I’m not resisting anything. I already told you I’m not interested.” She tried to keep her voice firm, but she couldn’t stop the tremor. She didn’t understand what he was talking about. She wasn’t resisting anything. She’d never given him any indication that she was interested. She’d even told him that night months ago that she didn’t want him. Yet here she was, yet again, caught in his hold because he had some delusion that she did.

“I’ve seen the looks you send me when you’re with those two criminals. You use them to try to make me jealous.” His voice lost its false sweetness, turning abrasive, clearly irked that she spent time with Levi and Furlan.

Instead of answering, she started walking, desperate to get away. When she tried to yank her arm from his grasp, he only yanked back, dragging her and slamming her up against the wall of the stable. She grunted when her head smacked into the wall, which effectively disoriented her.

He drew her wrists up above her head, pinning them with one hand, and leaned in closer to her, forcing her gaze to meet his. “Are you trying to play hard to get? Are you trying to make me want you more?”

Shaking away the dizziness, she dug deep for anger, used it to push out her words, trying to make her voice as forceful as possible. “I’m not _trying_ to do anything. You’re just not getting it. I. Don’t. Want. You.”

The look that flashed into Derek’s eyes had her shrinking back as he towered over her, her anger completely overtaken by the fear pulsing through her veins. His free hand wrapped around her throat, a warning.

The hairs on her neck stood on end when she felt his mouth on her ear, and her stomach threatened to hurl.

His whispered words horrified her. “You’re just making me want you more.”

She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t fight him…she was nowhere near strong enough, her skills in close combat were awful, and he was almost twice her size. Before she’d been able to shove him off her, catching him off guard, but now it was as though he was expecting it. With her hands pinned and him pressed up against her, she was defenseless. Nothing was getting through to this guy. She’d said no, multiple times.

Tears started to trickle down her cheeks as she felt his mouth on her jaw, working its way towards her mouth, the urge to vomit growing with each press of his unwanted lips on her skin. She tried to turn her head to avoid him, but he took it as invitation to plant his lips on her neck. She struggled against his hold on her wrists, but his grasp was unbreakable.

She cried out for help as she sobbed, but she didn’t know if anyone was near enough to hear her. He was quick to move his hand from her throat to cover her mouth to keep her from shouting.

“Come on Isa, I know you want me. I can make you feel good if you let me.” His voice was pleading, and borderline maniacal. His hand moved from her mouth down to grope at her breast.

“Please, just stop. I don’t want this.” She hated how small her voice sounded, hated the feel of his hand on her, and now she was terrified. She didn’t know how to make him stop. Her tears were now running down her face as she realized that there was nothing she could do. She closed her eyes, succumbing to her fate.

Suddenly, he was ripped off of her. Blinking, she looked through blurred eyes and saw her two friends, out of breath and outraged.

Furlan’s face had morphed from its usual kindness to a hot fury, the kind that could burn if you got too close. She could practically feel its heat from where she stood, singeing her hair.

Levi’s face was set in a cold anger, the kind that could send an icy chill all the way down to your bones as you begged him for mercy. The negative aura emanated from him in waves, and she cowered in its presence, grateful that it wasn’t directed towards her, and hoped that it never would be. Even when he’d interrogated her, he hadn’t looked at her with this iciness.

Furlan was quick to grab Isa and draw her behind them, and she was surprised at how gentle his touch was despite his fury. She’d half expected his touch to burn her arm.

He gave her a soft look that contradicted the rage simmering in his eyes. “Are you alright?” His voice full of concern.

She could only nod as she wiped away the tears in her eyes.

Levi’s face softened ever so slightly when he looked at Isa to make sure she was safe. Once he was certain she was out of harm’s way, he turned back to the scum in front of him, face hardening to its steely mask once again. He had other matters at hand to take care of.

His voice was a deep, menacing, monotonous growl as he said, “Leave now, and never go near her again. This is your only warning.”

Derek ignored Levi, and sent Isa a glare, which was nothing compared to Levi’s, but still had her shrinking in place. “I see how it is you little slut. You tease me, but then you’ll sleep with these lowlife thugs. One day they won’t be around to protect you. You will be mine.”

Her face paled and she cowered behind Furlan at his words, her knees trembling as she grasped at his shirt, desperate for a lifeline. She couldn’t even imagine what he would do to her, and she sucked at defending herself against people. Her friends couldn’t protect her every hour of every day, they had their own duties. She would never ask that of them, couldn’t burden them that way. She knew that the next time he confronted her, it would be worse.

The sound of a fist cracking across flesh and a bone snapping filled the air. Isa’s eyes widened as she took in the scene in front of her. Derek’s nose was now gushing blood and Levi was wiping off his hand with his handkerchief.

“You bastard!” He held his nose in a futile attempt to stop the blood. The soft flesh around it was already turning purple.

He made to attack Levi, but one dark glare from the man had Derek rethinking his actions.

Furlan spoke this time, keeping his body between Derek and Isa at all times. “I believe he told you that was your only warning.” His voice was calm, though it held undercurrents of the rage that was prominent in his eyes. “I think you should heed his words now. Don’t come near her again.”

Derek spat at their feet and walked off as he said, “Disgusting, Underground scum.”

The adrenaline was now wearing off, and Isa was beginning to shake, knees threatening to buckle on her.

Her two friends turned to face her just as her knees collapsed. Furlan grabbed her before she could hit the ground, pulling her gently onto her feet, keeping his arm around her shoulders.

The warmth from her friend comforted her, and she sent him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Furlan.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“I do though. I…I don’t know what would have happened if you guys hadn’t shown up. He wouldn’t listen to me, nothing I’ve said gets through to him.” Her eyes started tearing up again, and her voice shook.

Without saying anything, Levi handed her his handkerchief. She gaped at it for a second, before taking it, and used it to wipe off the tears from her face.

“Hey,” a gentle, shaking hand brushed the hair from her face, “it’s okay now, we won’t let him hurt you.”

She looked up at Furlan, her watery eyes meeting the sure gray of his. “But you heard what he said. You guys won’t always be around to help me.”

“We’re going to do our best to not let anything happen to you. And if we tell Isabel and Hange, that’s two more people that can help you.” His voice was firm as he promised her this.

“I don’t know if I can tell them. I don’t know what to say.”

“We’ll help you.”

“Why are you both helping me?”

That seemed to take him aback as he blinked at her, as if surprised that she felt the need to ask. “We’re your friends, and even if we weren’t, no one deserves to be treated that way, and no means no. If he has trouble understanding that, then we’re happy to step in and make it clear.”

Levi looked at her, his eyes thoughtful as he took in her words. “You said ‘nothing I’ve said gets through to him.’ Has he done something like this before?”

Isa looked down in shame. “Y-yes…the night before my first expedition. H-he…” Her voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Furlan’s hand stroked her shoulder, his voice soft as he murmured into her ear. “It’s okay. We’re here for you, all three of us, and Hange too. Whatever happened, it’s okay, we just want to know so we can help you.”

She looked up at her friend, his eyes calming her. “He didn’t really do much that night. He…he came up onto the roof, and said some weird things, and when I tried to leave, he shoved me against the wall and kissed me.” She sniffled at the reminder of that night. “I…I pushed him off and told him I wasn’t interested, and he left. I thought that was the end of it.”

At Isa’s words, Levi’s blunt, matter-of-fact tone cut through. “We’re telling Flagon.”

“No!” Levi gave her a sharp look. “I-I mean…I just don’t think he’s going to really be able to do anything.”

“He can pull that piece of shit off the squad and put him somewhere else.”

“I just…I don’t know if I can tell him. Please…don’t make me.”

He took in the desperation on her face and sighed. “Fine.” His tone was curt with the word. “It might make it easier to keep an eye out for him when we know where he is, but if he tries anything like this again either I kill him, or we go to Flagon.”

The lump in her throat made it difficult to speak as she said, “Thanks Levi."

His next move surprised her in a way she hadn’t thought possible.

Her eyes widened when he simply lifted a hand and plopped it on her head, gently ruffling her hair, completely contradicting his gruff exterior. The act both shocked her and made her want to purr. She’d only ever seen him do this once before, with Isabel.

In an attempt to hide her reaction, she cleared her throat.

Furlan was next to speak. “We should go tell Isabel and Hange. The sooner they know, the sooner they can help us help you.”

Isa nodded, yet her knees buckled again when she tried to take a step. Her legs were shaky and weak now that the rush that had come with her fear had left.

Without hesitation, Furlan scooped her into his arms, carrying her gently, his face flushing ever so slightly as he cradled the girl against his chest. Isa’s eyes boggled at the act, which only deepened the flush in his face.

“You can’t walk yet, so one of us is going to have to carry you.” He grumbled, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Isa shook off her initial shock, and assumed his reaction was just due to the fact that he was like Levi and wasn’t big on physical contact.

They made their way to the women’s barracks where they grabbed Hange and Isabel. Furlan only set Isa down when he was certain that she wouldn’t fall.

Isa did her best to explain what happened, with Furlan and Levi filling in the blanks when she had trouble speaking.

As she’d expected, her two friends were equally furious at what had happened. They both also suggested going to Flagon, but Isa truly felt that nothing would come from doing that. Sure he would get moved to another squad, but what good what that do outside of training. She also feared angering Derek to the point where he escalated further than he already had.

No, going to Flagon would only worsen the situation.

When her friends promised her they would help protect her, she struggled to keep from breaking down. The fact that even Levi was willing to help her…she wasn’t sure how to feel.

She was just grateful for all of them.

~ - ~

The rest of the week passed without issue. Derek left her alone, though, Isa felt that had nothing to do with Levi and Furlan's warning, and more to do with the fact that she was never alone. She was forever grateful that her friends had held firm in their promise, making sure someone was always by her side. Easy enough during training and in the barracks, which didn't leave much free time since the Scouts were in full blown preparation for the expedition. She only hoped that it would be enough.

The day before the expedition, Isa awoke early with excitement fluttering in her stomach. She knew the trio had yet to go anywhere since their arrival, and she was elated that they were finally going to be able to see more of what life above ground had to offer.

She’d never been to a festival like this, so she was looking forward for what was to come. From what Hange had told her, there was music, food, all kinds of entertainment. Plays. Dancing. Art.

She quickly jumped out of bed, and grabbed clothes from the shared closet in the barracks. Since she was going to Trost, she decided to wear civilian clothing today. She opted for a simple brown skirt, that hit just past her knees, paired with a yellow blouse which she tucked into the skirt. A pair of simple brown shoes completed the outfit.

It felt odd to her to be wearing something other than her uniform. She rarely had the need to wear civilian clothing now, and hadn’t worn any since joining the scouts. She took a glance in the mirror and thought ‘good enough.’

She grabbed Levi’s handkerchief off her nightstand. She’d kept forgetting to give it back to him after that night the week before. She’d washed it for him, not wanting to give him a dirty cloth back considering how much the man prioritized cleanliness.

She raced out the door, twisting her hair into a braid as she went, too impatient to pause long enough to do so. She skidded to a halt in front of the mess hall, where she found her friends already waiting for her. The five of them walked into the mess hall, planning to eat breakfast before they left for the day.

Before they got too far inside, a harsh voice came from behind them. “Unless you want to end up dead, I recommend you three stay far away from Isa. Hange is already a lost cause. She’ll only end up getting the three of you killed.”

Isa flinched at the iciness of Sherri’s voice. She hadn’t even been aware that Sherri was nearby. Her shoulders slumped as guilt overtook her. They hadn’t spoken since Sherri had told her that she wished Isa had died instead of Lucy.

The trio took in Isa’s appearance, and then looked at Sherri behind her. Before an enraged Hange could leap to Isa's defense, Furlan spoke up. “I think that’s unnecessary. Besides, we are more than capable of taking care of ourselves. Even still, we wouldn’t blame a suffering comrade for our deaths.”

Sherri shrugged. “Just wanted to give you a heads up. I would hate for you guys to die because of her.”

This time Levi spoke up. “Oi, you heard him. Leave.” His voice was as monotonous as ever, yet, there was a warning edge to it that said he wasn’t going to tell her again. Either she left now, or he’d make her.

Sherri glared at him, pale blue eyes meeting firm gray ones. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” And walked off.

Isa could feel the four of them looking at her, waiting for her to say something, but she couldn’t look up.

When she thought her voice would be steady, she spoke. “I…I should go.” Before she could walk away, Isabel had grabbed her arm.

“Isa, stay.” Her voice was firm, but there was an underlying softness to it, that threatened to make the tears in Isa’s eyes fall. “Furlan meant what he said. We can take care of ourselves. I highly doubt you’d be the reason for our deaths if we died."

Isa didn’t want to meet their gazes, didn’t want them to see her eyes welling up. She struggled to keep her voice steady. “I…I need to go check on Luna anyways, make sure she’s ready before we leave for the festival. I’ll see you guys in a little bit.” She gently pulled her arm out of Isabel’s grasp and made her way to the stables.

Inside Luna’s stall, she collapsed on the floor, needing to gather herself, to try to rid herself of the guilt that had been brought back to the surface at Sherri’s words.

She hadn’t been sitting for long, when a piece of bread landed on her lap, jolting her out of her melancholy. When she looked up, she saw Levi standing outside Luna’s stall.

"Eat."

Slightly stunned, she picked at the bread, unsure of why he'd gone through the trouble of bringing her food.

“Your friend seems like she’s got a stick up her ass.”

Isa gave a small mirthless laugh, as she focused her gaze on the floor, picking at the hay underneath her. “She’s…she’s been through a lot. She lost her best friend.” _Because of me._ “She probably has a point about you guys staying away from me. I wasn’t strong enough to save Lucy.”

“Quit moping, I can take care of myself. I don’t need some runt’s help."

She blinked, taken aback at the name. “Did you just call me ‘runt’?”

“Would you prefer shorty?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’d prefer you call me by my name. You only called me that because you finally found someone shorter than you.”

He didn't answer.

Isa sighed. “She blames me for the death of her friend.” Her voice had lost the haughtiness that had been present seconds ago, and was now quiet, full of grief.

“Did you kill her?”

His blunt question drew a small smile from her as it reminded her of the question Isabel had asked her before. She gave the same answer she’d given her red-headed friend. “It feels like it.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Her eyes snapped up to his.

“I didn’t ask if it felt like you killed her. I asked if you did.” His gray eyes held steady on hers, calm as ever as he instructed her to answer his question.

“But I didn’t get there in time.”

_He doesn’t seem to understand that I wasn’t fast enough to save her. If I’d been faster, stronger, she’d still be alive._

“Still not what I asked.”

“What am I supposed to say to that?”

“Simple yes or no.”

Exasperated, she cried out, “No! Is that what you want to hear! No, I didn’t kill her!” She gasped when she said that, something inside her clicking.

_I…I didn’t kill her. The titan killed her. I tried to save her. I may not have been fast enough to save her, but it wasn't me that killed her._

Even though it still hurt that she hadn’t been able to save her friend, the pain had dulled, as a third part of her was stitched at her admission that she hadn’t killed her friend.

Simply saying the words out loud had brought a small dose of clarity that she’d needed. And it had come, somehow, with the help of the gruff man beside her.

She looked up at Levi with wide eyes, unsure of what to say.

_How is it that he was able to cut straight to the point and get me to say what I've known for months now, but was never able to admit to myself? Hange has spent the last few months trying to do just that, and he was able to do it within minutes?_

Before he could say anything else, the rest of their group made their way into the stables, clearly worried about their friend.

Hange was the first to get to her, wrapping her up in a tight hug. “Isa are you alright? I’m so sorry, Sherri…she’s being so cruel to you right now.”

“It’s fine Hange. I…I didn’t kill Lucy.” Saying the words again only made it seem clearer. "It...It wasn't my fault."

Hange froze at her friend finally uttering the words she’d been trying to get through her thick skull all these months. She pulled her friend in tighter, grateful that she’d somehow managed to come to the realization that Lucy’s death wasn’t her fault.

Isa pulled back. “I think we’ve wasted enough of this day. Let’s go enjoy this festival.”

~ - ~

As they walked through Trost, Isa couldn’t help but be more amazed than ever. It looked so different than the previous times she’d been there.

Along the streets, tables had been set up, with people selling various food and goods. The shop owners had closed their shops for the day so that they could enjoy the festival with everyone else.

The heat of summer had given way to the cool warmth that comes with fall. Some trees had already begun to lose that lush green, giving way to bold reds and oranges.

They stopped at a booth selling various scarves and hats. When Isabel threw on a feathered bonnet Isa couldn’t hold back her laugh as the young girl mocked the uppity noblewomen of Mitras.

Hange had put on an elaborate hat that had flowers sitting on the top, and a long veil trailing down the back. She curtsied and bowed at the passersby, drawing odd looks from them.

The woman did look rather strange dressed in her trousers and a simple long-sleeved shirt with an elegant hat on her head. But at the same time, it was Hange, and she pulled it off.

Giggling, Isa couldn’t resist throwing a giant top hat on Furlan’s head. He glared at her, though it held no malice, only humor. And when she stepped close to wrap a scarf around his neck, she failed to notice the flush creeping up his neck and cheeks, or the way his eyes darkened ever so slightly, as he watched her concentrate as she perfected the scarf’s loop.

Isa grabbed another top hat from the stack and snuck over to where Levi stood facing the street, setting it on his head when he wasn’t looking. She innocently looked away and avoided eye contact when he turned to glare at her. Though, she couldn’t hide the cheeky grin on her face when she saw Levi’s peeved expression from the corner of her eyes.

She only laughed when he grumbled about how filthy the hats were and ‘how dare’ she put something so disgusting on his head.

When he pulled the hat off and his hair clung to it because of the static Isa couldn’t hold back anymore. Every bit of happiness she’d ever felt came crashing onto her in a giant wave that took over her entire being. The horror of last week...the sadness of earlier this morning, forgotten for the moment. She dissolved into laughter, unable to control herself or the flood of the pure joy that coursed through her. The rolling giggles that fell from her filled the air at the sight of something as simple as Levi’s hair sticking to his hat.

Too busy laughing she failed to notice that he’d paused in the removal of the hat, completely taken aback by the joyful sounds coming from her.

Four pairs of eyes turned in awe as Isa laughed. Never had her friends heard such a lighthearted, musical sound come from her.

Soon, her laughter spread, and Isabel and Hange were now chortling with her, ecstatic to see Isa so overjoyed. Furlan couldn’t resist the urge to chuckle, and even Levi’s face had softened at the sight of his friends so happy and free.

When the merchant at the table shooed them away for being too loud, they moved on, the five of them simply relishing in the feel of being alive and completely free from responsibility, even if for only a day.

The happy mood followed Isa, and she held on tight to it, not ready to let it go. She took in the sights surrounding her. Everywhere she looked there were people.

Parents trying to keep up with their children as they dashed around in excitement.

Teenagers walking around with their friends, joking and laughing as they shamelessly tried to catch the eye of their crushes.

Couples both young and old, walking hand in hand as they simply enjoyed each other’s company strolling around the streets.

Isa felt a pang of loneliness hit her as she watched the enamored couples.

_Will I ever have that?_

Shoving that thought aside, not wishing to bring down her mood, she kept moving forward. She was so lost in her observation of everything around her, she failed to notice that Isabel, Furlan, and Hange had disappeared at some point, leaving her alone with Levi who walked beside her.

It wasn’t until she felt a sharp pull on her arm yanking her to the side of the street, that the festival’s spell on her was broken.

Blinking, she looked down at her arm to see Levi’s hand wrapped tight around it, a warm weight that sent tingles shooting through her from where their skin touched. When she looked up at the man attached to the hand, she saw that his face held the slightest hint of irritation. She looked behind her, where she’d been walking, she saw that she’d almost been trampled by a horse and carriage, that enraptured by the sights she’d been.

“Oi, do you make it a habit of walking with your head stuck in the clouds?”

His gruff voice drew her attention back to him, and her breath hitched at how close she was to him. Close enough to see those blue flecks again, mesmerizing and hypnotizing as ever. When she blinked, the people, the smells, the sounds, everything around her faded away, and all she could see were those beautiful gray orbs speckled with blue which had her blood flowing languidly throughout her veins. All she could smell was that faint hint of tea, and that intoxicating, masculine scent she couldn’t place. All she could hear was the buzzing roar of her blood rushing through her head. She blinked again and swallowed thickly, as her senses overwhelmed her.

Her eyes dropped of their own accord to his lips, and she wondered again what they would feel like. Even set in their usual frown, up close, they looked soft…warm…inviting. Enticing.

_Snap out of it, Isa!_

She jolted when she realized she’d been standing there staring at him, and he was watching her with that same calculating gaze, brows knit ever so slightly, waiting for an answer. Flushing she pulled back, hoping that he hadn’t noticed her reaction.

“Oh...I...sorry. I mean...thank you. I...I got a bit caught up in everything and didn’t watch where I was going. I apparently do that sometimes without realizing it.” She scratched awkwardly at her head, desperate to rid herself of the rush flowing through her. “I should probably do better with paying attention.” She chuckled nervously, face flushing further when her mouth refused to stop babbling.

Needing distance, needing to clear her head, she took another step back. It wasn’t until then that she realized he still held her arm, those same tingles still running through her from where their skin touched.

When he dropped his hand, the tingles stopped, but her arm was left cold in the absence of its heat.

She needed to find a distraction, anything to distract her from the residual sensations still coursing through her.

Looking around she saw some people gathering around a stage that had been set up in the center of Trost.

Without thinking, she grabbed Levi’s arm. “Come on, let’s go see what’s over there.”

When she pulled him along with her, she was surprised that he came willingly. She smiled at the irony of her pulling him the way he’d dragged her around before.

When they got to the stage, she was intrigued to see that there was a play of some sort going on.

Curious, she moved closer, completely forgetting that she held Levi’s arm captive.

On the stage, the actors were acting out a scene from a play she remembered reading when she was younger. They were at the part where the young heroine was standing on the balcony of her room, pondering her love for the hero.

She swore her love to him, regardless of if he could ignore his family’s wishes. The young maiden was desperate to be with her love, no matter the cost. She was willing to give everything she had away, if it meant she could be with him forever.

As the play went on, the star-crossed lovers were sent through a series of events that kept them apart and brought them together. A dance of love that kept the audience enraptured and wondering if there could be a happy ending. Isa looked around her to see that the people were fixated on the scene in front of them.

And when both lovers took their lives, many in the audience had watery eyes at the sight of unfulfilled love.

When Isa chanced a glance at him, she wasn’t surprised at all to see that Levi looked as bored as ever. And only then did she realize she still had his arm in her grasp.

Face flaming, she yanked her hand away and gave a nervous chuckle. “Sorry about that.”

It didn’t even occur to her to wonder why he hadn’t said anything.

“We should uh...probably go find the others. We should head back soon, it’s getting late, and you guys don’t want to be tired tomorrow.”

He simply gave her a nod in agreement.

As they walked in search of their friends, she thought back to what happened last week, and her inability to defend herself. An idea occurred to her.

“Levi?” Her voice was a touch timid, unsure of what his answer would be.

“What?” His gruff tone only made her more nervous.

She chewed at her lip. “Do you…do you think you could help me with something?”

“Depends on what it is.”

She turned her head to watch him as they walked. “Would you be willing to help me with fighting? I…I want to be able to defend myself in case…” She trailed off, afraid to keep going.

Levi stopped walking and turned to face her, thinking over her request. “Alright.”

She blinked at him. “I…didn’t expect you to agree that easily.”

He shrugged. “Makes sense that you want to be able to defend yourself, which you’re shit at.”

She beamed at him, not even caring that he’d just insulted her, just grateful that he’d agreed. “Thanks, Levi.”

She remembered she still had his handkerchief. “Oh, here. I’ve been meaning to give this back to you. Thank you, for letting me use it that night. Don’t worry, I washed it for you. I know how you feel about keeping things clean.” Awkward as ever, she held his handkerchief out to him.

He took it handkerchief from her hand, and his fingers accidentally brushed against hers, sending more of those same tingles up her spine, only fainter this time.

_What is that?_

She didn’t have time to ponder too long, as her friends showed up, cutting off any wondering thoughts.

Apparently, Isabel and Hange had gotten distracted by some of the tables littered with food, and Furlan had stayed behind, trying to get them to keep moving and not devour everything in sight.

Agreeing that they should leave, they started walking back to where they’d left the horses.

As they walked, the same man that had stopped Isa months ago blocked their path.

“You…you people shouldn’t be here.” He pointed at Isabel, Levi, and Furlan. “You three are those thugs from the Underground. It’s bad enough that our taxes pay for the ridiculous branch that is the Scouts, now they’re paying for criminals. Enough is enough.”

“What the hell is your problem? We weren’t doing anything to you.” Isabel glared up at the older man.

He sneered down on her. “Listen here, missy, my problem is that _my_ hard-earned money is now paying for bed and board for some lowlifes who don’t belong here.” He made to poke at Isabel’s shoulder, but before he could, Isa grabbed his arm.

She was beyond sick and tired, beyond frustrated, of people judging these three just because they were from the Underground. This man was trying to ruin their day, when they were just out trying to enjoy themselves before they left the walls tomorrow. She squeezed his arm, hard, yanking him down to her level so she could glare into his eyes. The pressure on his arm drew a gasp from the man.

“Don’t. Fucking touch her.” She spat out. “I thought I told you before that you should be grateful that the Scouts willingly leave these walls to try to learn more. I suggest you walk away. Now. Or these ‘lowlifes’ will be the least of your problems.” Her glare was fierce, cutting through the man, who now quivered in fear despite the fact that he was taller.

When she released him, he left without another word.

She felt four pairs of eyes staring at her, and she turned to sheepishly face her friends, slightly embarrassed after that display of anger.

She gave a nervous chuckle. “Some people just don’t know when enough is enough. I had to deal with him a while back, and…well hopefully this time he’s learned his lesson.”

Out of all of her friends, it was Levi’s reaction that surprised her the most. Instead of his usual questions at her motivation or his claims that they don’t need help defending themselves, this time, he gave a simple nod, the only indication of gratitude at how she’d had helped Isabel.

Unsure of what else to say, Isa started walking, continuing their trek back to their horses, and the rest of her friends followed.

As they walked, Levi’s words from weeks ago echoed in Isa’s mind, brought back to the forefront when he hadn’t even said anything after she defended them against that man.

_‘No one does things for others without wanting something in return.’_

This time she’d gotten no harsh words, no questions, just a simple nod. For once, it seemed that he’d accepted that she was simply trying to help them.

It seemed as if Levi was finally beginning to understand that she had no malintent towards them.

And with that, Isa knew that at some point, she’d somehow taken a big step towards earning Levi’s trust, and the thought thrilled her.

She didn’t know how, and she didn’t know when, but something had done to make the man’s opinion of her shift.

Ethel’s words came to mind.

_‘You’ll have to find your own path.’_

Isa smiled to herself.

_Maybe the woman knows what she’s talking about._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like being in complete denial of a budding crush, refusing to admit it to anyone, even to yourself. :P
> 
> And I don’t think so Derek. The only lowlife piece of shit is you. How dare he insult these beautiful gems from the Underground after what he just tried to do. *side glares the man* I loved Levi punching that scumbag. That jerk deserved a broken nose (no joke, I’m sure any full force punch from Levi is gonna result in broken bones).
> 
> I tried to lighten up the rather heavy atmosphere at the start of this chapter with some fun at the festival. Plus, I wanted to give them some fun time before…well…you know. :/
> 
> And I hope it’s not too weird that Isa was able to hurt that old man but can’t defend herself against Derek. I think it has to do with how you react when you’re angry versus when you’re scared, which I feel is going to be different. I also think it has to do with whether or not you see something/someone as a threat. Isa didn’t see the old man as a threat, so she wasn’t afraid of him. Derek scares her, so she’s stuck in the flight-freeze of fight-flight-freeze, so she’s not able to fight.
> 
> I promise that this all has a reason. Like I said, this is only to help drive the story forward. We saw a part of the reason now, since she asked Levi to teach her to defend herself. Maybe he'll be able to help her out and be better at defending herself.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


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